Worries – warning, very long

[Eve1]

Hello everyone

I’m coming on here because it’s really the only place I feel comfortable enough to share my thoughts. Things are hard for all of us at the moment aren’t they, but I just wanted to get my own worries directly out somewhere.

I am worried that soon I will not be able to afford living in my rented home with my teenaged child. I left my abuser many many years ago and financed have always been difficult, trying to work around school age children and recover from abuse and from chronic lack of self worth from childhood. I am currently only doing temporary work , which will probably not go on much longer, my child won’t be eligible for tax credits much longer and I worry about my health as there’s a history of heart disease in my family and I am overweight and these days if I’m active one day, the next day I’m no good for anything, like today. I’ve heard that the govt have said landlords can’t start eviction proceedings for 3 months, thank goodness but it’s all I can think about. I’ve wanted to move for quite a while but the priority for the last few years has been trying to help my child with their terrible anxiety and a couple of other issues very personal to them. They got through gcses but gave up A levels and are looking for apprenticeships. At the end of last year I gave up my permanent part time job and went on to bank, partly to help her, partly because I’d been what I felt was bullied. I can’t say my age but I’m well into my 5th decade.
I’ve had the idea of asking a family member, one I grew up with and have contact with but don’t feel genuinely close to, if we, if it comes to it, could rent their spare room from them for a few months. If work carries on where I am I would travel (it is just about do-able) but I would also look for work closer and/ or more permanent. Then I could pay off any arrears I may have (I’m already in arrears with utilities and council tax) and save some money to rent somewhere, cheaply. Um not certain this person would jump at this request but I need to feel I have a lifeline of some sort. And I daren’t just pick up the phone and ask them as the response would likely be no. I’m thinking if the restrictions let up a little in and I could visit them they might discuss it.

I am very grateful to have the space to put this down There’s no one I know I could share this with. I was so upset earlier today that I did say something about it too my child. They were very good about it and tried to be comforting, but it saddens me to have to burden them.

Thank you

Eve

[fizzylem]

Hey Eve, well if you dont ask you’ll never know, like you say, just knowing this could be a possibilty may help, thinking they’d need a little time to think about and discuss it and get back to you too don’t forget. I don’t think you can wait until restrictions lift watching the news today, may be some time.

Hey, sounds like you’ve done really well in a difficult situation, sadly the cost of living is out pricing many. Me included too. I cant really say on here how I resolved my housing problem because it could identify me, but I’ve had to think outside of the box!

Have you checked a benefits calculator lately? You might be eligible for some kind of benefit based on a low income? The current crisis or a change in your circumstances?

Yes you’ve def got 3 months no eviction whatever x

[Eve1]

Thanks fizzylem,

Yes, I’ll try to broach it with them. And if they ultimately say no then I’ll have to think of something else, or someone else.

I think I posted before that I’ve been ill, not due whether it’s the virus or not. I was feeling up to doing a bit more but today I feel worse again. Might have to go on 111 again.

Thank you again.
Take care

x

[Lisa]

Hi there Eve, I am sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling well.

When you feel up to it you could contact Turn2us to find out what else you might be entitled to.

Take care

Lisa

[HopeLifeJoy]

You seem to carry enormous responsibility just on your own. Pls seek support. Recovering from abuse is psychologically challenging, you went through trauma and it depletes one of vital energy.
Please contact your gp to take care of your health, to define your health at this moment.
Then when there is more time, your long term health situation needs to be clarified. Perhaps you need counseling perhaps other treatment. In any case your health situation need to be clarified to see how much benefits you can apply to, you deserve support to lift your financial burden. Otherwise you’re heading for a burnout.
Contact Turn2us and also inform yourself ahead which benefits are available to you on https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits

[Eve1]

Hi HLJ,

it’s true, I do feel alone with everything. I did refer myself to counselling, but obviously that’s not going to be possible just now. They’ve offered me telephone counselling, which isn’t possible with child in house, or online which I’ve said I’ll try. I’m guessing it will be CBT, which I haven’t really tried so it could be useful. I went to my GP last week for a quick check as I have this virus and of course now’s not the time to get any any help from your GP. But I will when I’m next able to. Other than that I really don’t know where to get support from. I’ll try again for face to face counselling when it’s available again. I’ve been telling myself I need to work full time, have even done it for the last few weeks before I got ill and I think you could be right about burnout. I need to find a way to only work part time.

I do tend to think. as I’m so many years out the abuse doesn’t affect me as much but it helps to think it still does.

Thank you HLJ

Eve x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Eve
Are you infected by the coronavirus? I am interested to know more about your symptoms, how you feel, how does it differ from a flu, if you don’t mind me asking. Also how terrible is the cough? How tired are you?

For your long term health condition and finances, you will be able to look into once you’ve recovered. Just take it one step at the time for now.

I’ve learned from this forum recovery does take time. Even years later. Yes. Once you accept this, you can relax. And the good thing about relaxing is that it enables you to recharge your batteries 🙂

Get well okay honey. Keep posting 💕

[Eve1]

Hi HLJ,

I’m not sure if it is that as haven’t been tested, but I started with a sudden cough and felt warm then got more unwell as the days went by. Extremely fatigued. Not really like flu, I would have said. My coughing was bearable it did keep me awake a bit. I can’t say for definite it was coronavirus but the symptoms I had certainly sound like ones I’ve read about. Today’s the first day I’ve felt more or less human. It’s been more than 2 weeks. The tiredness and exhaustion every time I did something was awful. I’m lucky I had my child here to help. A couple of times I thought I was feeling better, tried to do something and found I was worn out again. I’m hoping that today is the first day of me really picking up.

What you say about abuse taking years to recover from is true, I think.

There’s a possibility of some work next Monday for ne, maybe for a couple of weeks. So I am going to try recharge my batteries beforehand if I can, that sounds like a good idea!

Thank you HLJ for your good wishes.

Eve
x

[fizzylem]

Hey Eve, just read 1 in 5 people are living in poverty in this country, and that is before the crisis hit. So that is us, we’re the 2 in 10 people, which means we know others in this situation too hey.

I know it doesn’t actually help our situation, but it kind of helped me mentally a bit, to not feel so much like a failure, like it’s my fault, my poor choices, because I get this sometimes, guess you may too? When I have a bad day and it all feels like it’s sinking me, this is usually where I go to. It tells me it’s the state of affairs for many, a very real problem and not one that is easy to change.

The cost of living is too high for many. Years ago when my mum raised us mortgages were calculated on the mans wages only weren’t they, thats why traditionally mums stayed at home to raise the family, thats why this generation became home owners – lucky them! These days women now have to work and mortgages, rent and house prices are based on two salaries really – and ‘a lot’ of families even have 2 properties, those pulling togethr and doing well income wise. This prices us out – makes it completely unrealistic doesnt it for us, if we want a decent place, I couldnt even afford a 2 bedder in a nice area.

Housing is a big issue in this country, there’s not enough affordable housing and you often have to work if you want a house, your not even eligible if you don’t, when the reality is we cant all work can we, but our basic needs require we have food, warmth and shelter. When we can barely cover these it makes it almost impossible for us to meet our other needs, you seen Maslow’s hieracrchy of needs? The wheel of life?

It is absoloutely a rock and a hard place; especially when you find yourself in the situation of needing to change it – until you get back into the place where you have this covered.

Read a lovely article a few weeks back now, where 3 divorcees shared a house to keep living costs down and they were having a ball. I think people will start doing this more so now, shared living, I think quite a few people have already lost their jobs due to the crisis. Is there anyone you know in this situation who might welcome this kind of living? Sharing the bills? When I was looking a friend of mine found me two people who were very willing to do this, in nice areas too, they even said they would take in my dog as well – tells me it’s not just us, alot of people are struggling and home owners are looking for lodgers to share the load – maybe put some feelers out and see if anything comes back? You dont have to say yes do you and you might strike lucky?

Good to read you’re starting to feel a bit better x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you kindly for taking the time to share how it was for you Eve, it does sounds like the classic symptoms of the coronavirus indeed.
I am glad you’re feeling better. The upside is now you’re most probably immune against it.

Do contact the charity Turn2Us, take this opportunity to secure financial stability for yourself and your child.
With the financial concern taken off your shoulder, your health will benefit greatly from it too.🙂
Take good care

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Fizzy, I love the wheel of life, going to draw it right now and put it on my wall. I like having all areas of my life covered, balanced equally, looking at it the physical needs are covered easely for me, now want to move into career and relationships. Love the pyramide too!

[Eve1]

Thank you for these replies. They’re really helpful.

Hugs

Eve
x

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