Worsening indirect abusive behaviour

[cakepops]

I left my husband some time ago so thought that life would be getting better by now, but sadly it’s not. The pro is that he’s no longer here treating me in front of our kids, spending all eve shouting at me etc, and it’s great that I have more freedom now. I also have finally succeeded in making him stop harassing me directly by repeatedly getting my solicitor involved.

BUT in every other way my life is worse. My oldest comes home from his dad’s increasingly anxious and with other issues like refusing to eat. He’s getting help from a woman’s aid support worker but ex is causing issues with that and his school. Court didn’t really help matters as there’s no proof ex is causing it although I know he is from things my son says. In the meantime ex is telling everyone (school, nursery, friends and family, GP etc) constant lies about me. This is causing problems getting support for my children and also myself as well as leading to constant anxiety. This week alone I’ve had to deal with four calls from school, a call from GP (caused by ex’s lies) and an issue with nursery caused by my ex. Everyone says to keep logging these things and it will get better in the end. Well it’s not!

Any advice? I know how to deal with him personally but no idea how to handle him dragging all these over agencies into things. He comes across as a very calm and sensible man so I think people tend to believe him when he tells them I’m crazy/abusive/am trying to alienate him from his kids and other such nonsense.

[KIP.]

I had to tell the benefits office that my ex was abusive and making false allegations. Perhaps you could do the same for these people he is contacting and not to listen to him. If they do have any problems at all with the children, problems that they witness themselves then to contact you directly and not to enable his continuing controlling behaviour. You can also ask these agencies to evidence his allegations before they continue to harass you on his behalf. Like the GP this week. If she’s ringing because of something he has said then ask them to evidence it. Make people aware of his behaviour. Have you looked at the grey rock method. You basically ignore his behaviour. Others will see his true colours eventually.

[Author]

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