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    • #121870
      Neueranfang
      Participant

      Social services called me today (I knew they would get in touch) after I called police out for my Ex partner a few days ago. I thought I did the right thing by calling police as I wanted him out my flat. Seems like I been asking him forever to leave in a civilised way but he can’t do civilised and he doesn’t understand that I am done with him once and for all and that I don’t love him anymore after years of abuse. He is looking for reasons and he is coming up with this absurd ideas like I am pregnant with someone else’s baby etc. When it is all his fault and all his own doing and he just has to look at his actions and words to get an answers but he is convinced he hasn’t done anything wrong. Anyway to come back to social services…I cried so much today after they rung as the lady was almost telling me off and blaming me for taking him back last time we split up. I understand that but she also has to understand that my Ex partner manipulated me into believing the kids are suffering with him not living with us and he made me believe I destroyed the family and he crept his way back in and made me believe I was the one at fault and that I can almost be glad he came back. I then tried to make things work as always but it was, it is and will always be impossible to make things work with him. I wasn’t allowed to go to work and he would be annoyed if I washed my hair telling me I just want to look good for work and I wasn’t allowed to wear the clothes I feel comfortable in or make up.He would check my locations on my phone and my google history, emails etc. I wasn’t allowed any social contacts. I wasn’t allowed to see my family abroad. He would get annoyed with me taking the kids to the playground in case I talk to anyone.My children weren’t allowed to attend parties before Covid and so on….

    • #121872
      KIP.
      Participant

      You dont have to justify yourself to anyone. If she knew about domestic abuse and trauma bonding and fear and harrassment and obligation and mind games and having your self esteem utterly destroyed and your confidence wiped out by the man you love and you think loves you. She has absolutely no right to make you feel that way. The most important thing is where you are now. You now realise all these things and are putting in place your boundaries. We can be extremely sensitive too after abuse so please don’t take what she said personally. No one unless they have walked in your shoes has a right to criticise you. You are not the perpetrator here and she should save her blame for him. We can’t change the past but we can change our future and that’s what you need to concentrate on. Put the past behind you. You’re not that same person he held power over. His secret is out and the shame is his x

    • #121875
      Eggshells
      Participant

      You definitely did the right thing calling the police and until she has walked a mile in your shoes, she can’t even begin to understand. Please ignore her admonishment and listen to those who have been there.

      At every step, you have tried to do the best thing by your children but when you’re in an abusive relationship, it’s so hard to know what that is. At the time you took your partner back because he talked you into believing that it was better for them to have their father around. It is a very popular belief that so many of us buy in to and it’s one of the main reasons that I stayed in, what I simply thought of as, an unhappy marriage.

      You have done so well to have the courage to re-assess and the bravery to call the police. I’m proud of you. xx

    • #121876
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      So sorry you had such a dreadful day and suffered victim blaming from a professional who should know better. Unfortunately they dont always know better, there are people ignorant about the dynamics of abuse everywhere.

      You didnt deserve it. None of what HE did to you or your children was or is your fault and whatever you did, including going back to him, youdid to try to keep yourself and your children safe and secure. You are a remarkable woman to have managed to pull yourself out of the fog abuse. It takes most women multiple attempts to escape an abusive relationship so you are certainly not alone.

      You are are so strong. You survived that relationship, you can survive this. Be very kind to yourself and cry all you need to. It’s very healthy and healing to cry. It’s not self pity but self compassion and it is well deserved. It does get easier, promise. Sending a big hug x*x

    • #121882
      Neueranfang
      Participant

      Thanks so much for your kind words x*x You don’t know how much it means to me to have someone understand my situation and who can actually relate to what I am going through x*x

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