30th January 2016 at 8:48 pm #8648StarmoonParticipant
Today has been hell on earth!
My children went and spent a few hours with him yesterday and since then my eldest has done nothing but talk about him. It kills me!! It’s the first time she’s seen him since we split up and since she’s not his, I don’t have to send her. But I do because she’s loves him and he loves her. This morning she asked to go and see him again today and that totally broke me. I just though that’s it, he’s won. My daughter and baby would be better off with him.
I don’t feel I can compete. Yes there’s been a small anout of physical abuse from him but other than that… I’m not sure if it really was abuse and not just him getting totally sick of me not understanding things or reacting to things in the rite way. Anyway after he came to get the kids i totally went into melt down. Told him I was going to drive off a bridge so he snatched my keys. I then walked off. I genuinely wanted to pluck up the courage to kill myself.. I can’t make sense of any of it. I feel like I tried every way possible to make him happy and to understand him but still he got angry and left. Anyway I walked off and kept walking for hours. My mum and the police started calling me and even he phoned and text me. Eventually he (of all people) found me… And I wasn’t in any obvious place either. We sat in the car and he still went on to say I’d never understand him and I infuriate him. He said im very strange for recording him. I tried to explain that was because he was scaring me while I fed the baby but he’s told a convincing story when telling me how he saw things. so now I’m wondering… Did he scare me or am I just totally nuts?!
He’s said we should focus on the kids and he won’t move Back in but there ‘mite’ be a future for us. We were planning our wedding two weeks ago but now he’s totally moved out… We have two seperate homes and we only ‘mite’ have a future… I’ve said its all or nothing but maybe he’s rite
30th January 2016 at 9:14 pm #8652Falling SkysParticipant
Thank you for being so honest and brave in your post.
Though letting him have access to the children was so hard as long as they are safe you did the right thing. Just remember how charming he was with you, he will be doing that with the children. You have to tell them right for wrong and he can be Mr have what you want.
But he wont be able to keep it up he didn’t with you.
No one or situation is worth ending your life, talk to someone I have a support worker from WA, my doctors have been super, the mental health sadly can’t help till I’m away from my abuser, Samaritans. I have cried and rambled to them all. And keep posting.
You are still early days and I think once you pass your wedding date it will help.
I will say it gets easier in time though that wont be much comfort to you at the moment
3rd February 2016 at 1:53 am #8927SaharaDParticipant
I wonder if you are receiving any support.
I think you should read “Living with the Dominator” by Pat Craven. It talks about the effects of abuse on children and there is a section on what a Bad Father looks like.
The other book I think you should read is The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics by by Daniel Ritchie, Jay G. Silverman, and Lundy Bancroft.
I hate saying it but he does not love your children in the same way you do. Abusers love what they can get from victims and anyone else. That’s what they love.
No your children would not be better off with him. In fact it is highly probably they would be better off with you, the mature, responsible, non-abusive parent.
I really think that you should go no contact with him, believe it or not abusers are often one of the triggers from sypmtoms of mental illness. Seriously I couldn’t think straight until I went no contact with my abusive husband.
You have to put boundaries in place and stop placing yourself in situations where he can have access to manipulate you.
Handovers by third parties, like school, relatives or if necessary a contact centre. You can have a handover book and special email account that you only check once a day and a special phone.
You probably need to set concrete child contact arrangements so that he can’t manipulate you at ever corner.
I hope you can get some advice from the other women too.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.