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I went last week I have to go back Thursday for treatment I told the lady some of my situation and she ticked imbalance not abuse which drove me mad and then tried to give me relationship advice! Does she not recognise abuse and control really upset me.
He’s been really bad again as I said his kids can’t stay the weekend reallt it’s because I know what I’m having done to me and won’t cope with all the kids here but also just don’t want him around me. (detail removed by moderator)
I’ve told people close I’m keeping the baby for fear of how they will think of me I’m so scared and lonely I’ve got to take a pill that will induce a miscarriage I keep thinking of all the things that may go wrong and he finds out about it and then he kills me.
Nothing he says or does hurts me now at all it bounces off like a ball hitting a wall it’s like I’ve shut off all I can think of is this awful situation the worst place I have ever been to be honest -
You’ll be feeling anxious- it’s only natural you going to feel scared and have resentment for him. This woman obviously had no idea about DV it makes you wonder where’s the training? Terrible but u know this is abuse and plenty other people would and can verify that xx as far as the pills for the termination it is quite low risk. This used to require a morning in hospital until it worked but I’m sure it is done at home now? I’d say the risk off haemorrhage is very small. He won’t find out just look at it as a miscarriage because technically it is the same x. It’s rubbish being a woman having to go through all off this as they get off Scot free xx
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It sounds horrific, Rainbowcloud. So many clinicians don’t understand domestic abuse. Diymum is absolutely right; miscarriages are so normal. I’ve had a couple and the first time I didn’t even know I was pregnant till much later. I only knew that I felt so much better. It’s horrendous being pregnant when you don’t want to be. You need to do what’s right for you. Can you get all the safeguarding in place? This is not your fault.
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Rainbowcloud,
Rainbowcloud, It really is so hard dealing with this on your own. They say if you’re not sure to wait and don’t act. Don’t feel under pressure by him, us or anyone else. Just do the right thing and all will fall into place in the future. Just put you and then your little baby first. The priority is you, your other children and your new baby. Forget him and his children. They are not your responsibility. Easier said than done so keep posting; ring WA tonight and the Samaritans if needed. This is too much for you on your own.
My birth mother was in a similar situation to you many decades ago, she found herself alone, pregnant(with me), unmarried, in a different country. Her family shunned her (normal in that day as she was unmarried and it was a strict country). She was so alone but I’m so grateful she gave me life. She didn’t keep me as her partner (my dad) left her high and dry and she had no family but she gave birth to me and I was reared by a different couple. At the time she was devastated to have to give me away and even changed her mind at the last minute but then she thought I’d have a better life with this couple than with her. Well unbeknown to her my new Mum ended up being an abuser but I had a fabulous, kind loving dad (but he was being abused by my new mum so he was struggling with this).
Just thought I’d share my experience with you. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers these days.
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Hi there Rainbowcloud, I am very sorry to hear about your experience. As the other’s have already said, this professional unfortunately doesn’t have a clear understanding around domestic abuse.
It might be helpful to look at the British Pregnancy Advisory Service website if you haven’t already done so regarding your concerns.
Do get as much support in place as you can, remember that your local domestic abuse service could offer some ongoing support.
Best wishes
Lisa
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Imbalance relationship could mean there’s an imbalance of power or inequality present in the relationship. Problem is, unless you’ve experienced abuse you don’t really understand the complexities. Most people assume that as adults we are equally responsible for the success or failure of a relationship, that it is a dispute – only this does not apply when there is abuse, it is his behaviour that causes the relationship to end, I imagine she also maybe thinks that if he abuses you then why dont you leave – it’s ignorance RC.
Sounds awful, I am shocked this professional tried to give you relationship advice, if you wanted this then you would have asked or spoken to a relationship expert. This sounds insensitive to me, mindless, when helping vulnerable women; this person’s views should not come into the care at all. I would try to not take any notice, it may well have been a tick box exercise; all you care about it what is right for you and getting the service, care and support you need – put the rest aside. Your body, your life, your decision x
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Hi guys thanks so much I’ve got work today meant to be going tomorrow I am going back and forth with it still unsure what to do I think I’m scared more then anything of the whole thing.
He was crying again (detail removed by moderator) because of how I am and it’s not nice and I make him feel upset. Reallt don’t know what he expects he never stops going on and on at me 24.7.
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It did stressful then I had to sleep with him because that’s what he wanted every second was horrible for me I always feel forced into it now aswell . Just hate my life and getting myself in this mess 🙁 -
No,he was crying last night asa means to regain control over you. My ex did the same. One minute crying then seconds later smirking when he got his own way. Then having to sleep with him for fear he’d kick off again. It makes you a non person. They are brilliant liars. He knows you’re looking for an exit so his control and manipulation will increase. Try to concentrate on you and your exit plan. Draw a line to where you want to be in your mind and do not deviate. Ignore the ignorant professional who doesn’t know about domestic abuse and coercion. You know more than most having lived it. You know the truth.
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My ex used to cry and it made me feel awful because he never cried except when I made him. Don’t fall for it rainbowcloud, he’s a liar.
Losing the baby on your terms in a controlled way sounds to me like a better option than him doing something to you later on that makes you lose it when you’re further along. You’d always have it on your mind then that you should have took the pill. There’s so much I want to say to you to make you feel better but I wouldn’t ever want to upset you. It’s not a baby yet and your body and your piece of mind is what’s important. Imagine in your mind it’s paracetamol to get rid of the headache you’ll have with 18+more years of him controlling you. Don’t let his crocodile tears fool you for a second. He doesn’t matter. What you want/need is the only thing that matters here 💖 -
That’s true he made me sleep with him (detail removed by moderator) and I feel so lost at the moment I just did it to keep the peace but it wasn’t nice for me then he told me how great it was like I enjoyed it I just pretend when I don’t like it with him anymore because he’s not a nice person. I used to think he was so handsome and how lucky I was but not now I just think he’s ugly all my attraction has gone it’s so strange because we always had a physical attraction and now he makes me feel sick. I feel bad saying it but it’s how I feel. Tomorrow is D day hopefully be over soon
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You’re so brave rainbowcloud. My ex used to do that. I confronted him once and asked him why and he told me that I liked it. Your hormones are already all over the place and he is disgusting for doing what he does to you. The thoughts creep in that you might be wrong but you’re not. You’re much braver and stronger than you could ever imagine 💖
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He also accused me once again of cheating and I’m making him cry at work he’s having a breakdown he isn’t sure if the kid is even his child and why don’t I love him why can’t I go back to how I used to be he was happy then! Such a lie he wasn’t happy he’s never been happy in all this time joke. He was only happy when I did whatever he wanted and was never happy even then. (detail removed by moderator) got a few days of hell but then hopefully I will be free if he doenst find out and kill me I don’t know what he’s capable of he’s out of control at the moment very erratic crying one minute shouting the next -
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