Yes, having a Bad Day.

[Lottieblue]

I just don’t see how it can get better. I feel so sad. I couldn’t stay with that man. He sabotaged our marriage and our home. I left, I walked away, I left everything behind. It’s all still there, exactly as it was, just without me. My (young adult) kids will go back there as it is their home. It won’t be as nice without me there – but then again, it will be so much nicer as they won’t have to watch their mother slowly dying inside, and because their father will be super nice to them and full of self-pity.

I’m mopping the kitchen floor of the small flat I’m renting and I’m happy that I can do that in peace, without criticism. But everything I do reminds me of something. It’s been a long time. Why? Why did he have to ruin things? I want my family and now he has them. I left partly to protect them from him and look what’s happened. And our friends. He’s told them all how I’ve just walked out with no explanation and left him bereft. Won’t even talk to him now. Guess where their allegiances lie.

I feel cheated, I feel sad, I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. What was it that made this man think it was ok to walk all over me and make me believe that I was worth no more? I felt strong when I first got out and now I don’t. I feel lost and destroyed. I have been left with nothing and I did it. I walked away from everything. No-one wants to give me a job. They don’t even bother telling me so. I feel hopeless. Literally. No hope. Everything I worked so hard for, gone.

Yes, it’s a Bad Day. 😞

[Darcy]

Hi my beautiful Angel … Lottieblue,
Your feelings are understandable and you are allowed to feel like this, but know what you did in the long run will pay off for a better life.
You are safe … that is priceless compared to what you left behind.
If friends are siding with him, these are not the people you want in your life and soon enough you will make new authentic friendships who will always stand by you.
Regarding a job, this is a difficult time for everyone with covid-19, however don’t give up… what is meant for you will not pass you by.
Try and keep the focus on yourself and put as much love into yourself and your new life as possible. It will get easier, one step at a time.
Have your sad day and then move on … we always have tomorrow to start over.
And don’t ever forget how strong and powerful you are … look what you have been through … anything after that is a breeze … you got this
Sending you love and support
Darcy xx

[Hawthorn]

Hi LB,
Sorry you’re having a bad day, might even be a run of bad days….I had plenty after I came down off the high of leaving.

You’re right, we were cheated. You entered your relationship with an open heart and you did not deserve the dreadful abuse you suffered. This is not how you wanted or dreamed things would work out. It’s ok to grieve and feel sad, to wallow and feel sorry for yourself. Let yourself cry if the tears will come, and dont worry if they dont. You need to be very kind to yourself. Know that this feeling will pass and you will feel hopeful again.
Self-compassion is the way through. Allow yourself to feel how you feel, eat regularly (even if you’re not hungry), drink plenty of water and sleep as much as you need to. A nice bath or shower and a little walk in the fresh air if you feel up to it. Little acts like these of valuing yourself, even if they are alot of effort to begin with, really do add up.
Be very gentle with yourself, you did the right thing. You have been through a terrible trauma and it will take time to recover. Just one hour, one day at a time, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Brighter days are coming.xx

[PolarBear]

Hi LB,

You are very brave and you will get through this time. I had a similar experience with friends not believing me and it hurt so much, but know that we are all here for you and we believe you! As Hawthorn says, be compassionate with yourself and accept your feelings and do whatever you need to do right now. I know it can feel hopeless now, I’ve been there. But things will change in time and tomorrow is another day. It will be worth it in the end. Keep posting on here and keep nurturing yourself. Sending love x

[ChangeOfPlan]

LottieBlue, I don’t know what I can say to make you feel better, but I can totally relate especially about him talking to friends and telling everyone you left with no explanation. Sane thing here. They make themselves the victim and everyone takes pity on them, while we have been destroyed psychologically and had to give up everything. I also feel the same thing of struggling to get out of bed each morning. We didn’t deserve this.

All I can say is, you are a wonderful and kind person. Your helpful support and words on here have helped me and many others so much. You are appreciated, understood and cared about and you deserve to have peace and happiness in your life. I think we have only ended up like this by being too kind, too forgiving for too long at our own expense. We will get ourselves back. xx

[Author]

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