Viewing 7 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #41743
      KIP.
      Participant

      No I didn’t. He picked me. He was a predator and chose me as his victim. If he had shown his true colours from day one, I would never have allowed him anywhere near me. So next time someone tries to tell you it was your fault. Not true 🤔

    • #41744
      Nova
      Participant

      KIP Totally agree..I look back of how we re met…seemingly ‘by accident’.
      Not true he targeted me, he was in a barrel full of doo doo and he was fishing for people, me, to save his a*s. I did and just look at what the hell happened as a consequence of listening to his BS! He still thinks he is ‘ somebody’ he’s nobody only that I supported him on every level …and his status at my expense.

      Happy Sunday KIP
      Cx

    • #41746
      KIP.
      Participant

      Happy Sunday to you too ❤️
      Yes, my ex had me lined up as his wife had enough of him. Telling me he was separated and divorcing blah blah. Queue ugly messy divorce. Exactly what I’m going through now and guess what? He had someone lined up behind my back too. Predictable miserable losers.

    • #41747
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Well said KIP, we feel for the lie, the actor not the reality we got.

      FS xx

    • #41765
      Alicenotichains
      Participant

      When I phoned my local DV outreach group I spoke to an administrator who was not an outreach worker. I asked her a bit about what an outreach worker would be able to help me with. She told me I would be taught about abuse so “you won’t get yourself into the same situation again”.
      I felt a bit stung by this comment- I didn’t “get myself” into this situation, this was done to me by another person. I think the language that people carelessly throw around when discussing this subject can so easily blame the victim for getting themselves into thre situation. It makes my blood boil. And this was from a woman who works for an abuse support agency. This is why I am careful who I discuss it with. X

    • #41783
      Lyng
      Participant

      Absolutely bang on. Not only do they target us, but in the courtship phase they find out exactly our vulnerabilities and use it against us. Mine has worked systematically at altering my children’s memories so their entire childhood is distorted. I am emotionally wrung out. My parents and family are tired of the way my kids treat me, which causes exactly what my ex wants. Me separated from my family. I didn’t choose to live with a lying thieving cruel man. He chose me to do those things to.

    • #41791
      lilaclady
      Participant

      I cannot believe someone would say so you don’t “get yourself” into your situation again. To me that just shows the complete lack of understanding out there with these situations. We don’t “get ourselves” into it. Even my own mother has said to me why did you marry him if you knew he was like this??? Because I was caught in his cycle of anger and I held onto hope that he would sort himself out, or our love was enough to fix things, or things would get better, or it was me who needed to deal with it better. All those things we experience in the confusing endless cycle of this. How is any of this our fault and why on earth should we have to justify anything. Makes me so mad!

    • #41918
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi Kip & all so very true, had any of us known what we know now we would have run as fast as we could, they know exactly what they are looking for in their victims, many of us are soft, kind, gentle & caring totally believing that if we are ourselves from day one, give it our all, how can the relationship possibly go wrong!!! Outreach workers, adult social services, GPS other professionals teach us about red flags, teach us about abuse & so we will avoid it in future, what we all know is, these predators are extremely clever in gaging our responses to their behaviours, as soon as they think we’ve cottoned on they change tactics & change their stance, so we are further fooled. I look at so many people in a different light now, even myself!! I think the world has become very opinionated & judgemental too, it seems (detail removed by moderator), which again I feel makes us look like we are at fault & abuse isn’t what we experienced at all, that it’s normal nowadays for a man to completely domineer, fear no way not ever though! If that is normal & it’s our fault for choosing abusers, society needs to understand that women are equal not below men! Certainly women never deserve abusive relationships (no one does) Why nowadays is it society tends to think it is ok to dictate to especially those of us who have been abused that we somehow deserved it because we were not strong enough to stand up for ourselves xx

Viewing 7 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditions │ Privacy & cookie policy │ Site map │ Protect yourself online│ Media │ Jobs │ Accessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content