1angel

[1angel]

He’s always had the children on his own since the divorce. I don’t believe they are in danger from him, he’s never done anything to hurt them, except while we were married to listen to him shouting at me!!. The reason I finally went to the police, years after divorce, is to protect them in the future, just incase, as well as stop his abusive, controlling texting to me. He did physically assault my eldest when he was a teenager, which the police know about now and I always said and believed he would never do it to his own although he bought my eldest up as his own from a toddler. It has taken me a while since divorce to go to the police about it. But now he will think twice!

[1angel]

Honey, it’s abuse. So much of what you have said is what I went through. I didn’t (removed by moderator) years thinking it was in my head. His behaviour is unacceptable and you do not have to live like it. It actually made me cry reading it because my husband was very similar. It took me 10 years to speak to someone, anyone about what was going on. Find someone to talk to you. This is not in your head and it doesn’t have to be this way. This group is great to talk xx

[1angel]

So, he hasn’t contacted me since the police contacted him. Unless it’s about the kids. He has actually emailed me, when previously he had said no way to emailing with a counter proposal to my 50/50 childcare plan. Surprise surprise he doesn’t like my plan because that would put me in control so he’s come up with his own that puts him back in control. So I now need to email back to say it doesn’t work for me. He is obviously scared after me going to police, must have talked it over with his family because I’m actually surprised he came back with acounter off er. It is making me so anxious. I am almost manic one day, then the next don’t want to leave my bed. It’s a killer! As soon as I send it I’m sure I’ll be ok but it’s sending it. The old me would’ve just accepted straight away what he has offered. After (removed by moderator) years with him it’s so hard to be the strong me. So many times I would try to fight him then as soon as he just looked at me with “the eyes” I’d back straight down with sorry, sorry, you’re right, I’m wrong. So to be the one who stands up to him now for what I want, for what I think is right is f***ing hard!!!

[1angel]

Hi Kilngirl. Thanks for posting. I am new here too, only posted my post in.. years after divorce. I feel so much of what you’ve said. I am (detail removed by moderator) years in and still struggling. I t has taken me this long to call the police and report historical abuse on myself and my son but also repeated abuse by text from him. It makes me panic every day, I only did this very recently and I am really struggling with it. Daily i feel that I can’t breathe, I get into bed and cry!! I am also learning ato put one foot in front of the other. Do you know what? Together we can get there xx

[1angel]

I am loving this! What a great site this is. I am thinking of a non-mol order. If he puts a foot wrong then I will do it. I honestly don’t know how these men can get away with it, with what they do.

I gave our sons a fiver each to go spend on their dad for Christmas, I usually helped but this time just said take that and go choose whatever you want. I did that for them. I wanted them to choose something and wrap and give it, not for him. Do you think that was the right thing to do or will it give him the wrong idea??? Well it’s done now but like I said I did it for them…. I also gave my daughter a fiver to spend on me for them haha because I doubt he has done it this year.

[1angel]

Hi – fizzylem have you actually called the police on your ex? If you haven’t, do it. I was so scared, thought they wouldn’t believe me. They did straight away, the policeman saud to me god, you look so worried about this. They didn’t even ask to see texts, they believed me. I have never felt so relieved, then terrified all at the same time.
KIP – I have backed up all his texts, wish I’d kept a diary from the beginning. It would make an excellent book!!
It is completely draining. Even now with the up and down of emotions, the feeling sorry for him then hating him, I can’t eat, pick my thumbs till they bleed, but HOPELIFEJOY you’re right, we so got this!!

[1angel]

Hi everyone and thank you for your comments and support – when i was going through divorce I spoke with a Domestic Abuse service and the lady said he was absolutely textbook! So you are right there are so many of them , we have all lived with them and they do these things and get away with it. With mine his family know what he is like but they still say that everything happens for a reason – cause and effect. When he spat on me and my daughter his mum said “oh why did he do that?” WHY??? Who bloody cares why – he just DID ! Until that sort of thing stops they will continue to get away with it.

I have thought of a non-molestation order – at the moment he is sticking to what the police have asked him and not contacting me. Also, a different solicitor has said that as he continued to abuse it could be that he has gone against the original divorce so we could go back to it.

I am also not giving him another penny – I am trying to get an arrangement that is actually fair where we have the kids exactly the same amount of time but he doesn’t seem to like me being in control – hahaha funny that!!!

I haven’t had counselling but I am going to. One day I am ok and then the next want to stay in bed and never get out – phoning the police was the hardest thing to do. Why do we still feel sorry for these men? I have picked my skin until it bleeds ffs!!!

One day at a time – we are strong, so bloody strong – and we have each other! Other women that have sadly been through it. But we are still here, telling our stories and helping others.

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