Aliendoh

[Aliendoh]

So sorry, okeydokey. Wish could make things better for you. Perhaps I could put the kettle on and we could have a brew? X

[Aliendoh]

I’m so sorry all feels so horrible for you and how things are for you. Thank you fur your hugs a d strength. Sending hugs to you, hope you can stay strong xx

[Aliendoh]

I apologise it posted twice my mistake

[Aliendoh]

Hi
Its middle of the night. But here I am. Thank you fyou for all care support and advice. I’m seek g a soevialist counsellor (sa) weekly. Re my health it turns out I’ve a multitude of imbalances in my body. Having investigations. Nothing to manage the symptoms though. I’m just so extraordinary low. Can’t really describe how or why. I know, and all professionals tell me, it’ll be due to the imbalances, oestrogen, vit d, calcium. Hope taking care.

[Aliendoh]

Hi all i just wrote a long reply but it got lost. Thank you so so much for all your help, care advice. Truly, thank you. I’m booked onto the freedom programme but it’s not til January, an evening class. I could maybe start the Sept class L but that would mean I’d have to tell my employers of the abuse and trauma, and I know it would mess my mind daytime in work hours, to relive and see what the ex actually was and did. It’s a bit like a hitchcock movie where the screen zooms in quickly, reality hit, realisation, the terror that was and is. I do need to get stronger, build resilience. I blocked the aunt from contacting me. I also blocked mum, this felt hard. Feels mean even. But I know I’m doing it to keep me well, I’m too vulnerable atm and coukf just nosedive. I want to be safe and well. I told myself I can unblock her later when I’m stronger. I tell myself if she was the mum that loved and cared, she’d want be to stay and be well and protect myself. Today I’ve had two blocked calls. Unsure if it’s the aunt or mum or both. But it feels mean blocking mum. Goes against my nature, but I guess she knows that hence it’s a weak spot for her to exploit. The care facility would contact me if anything serious. But just the blocked calls and my stomach went into imediate churn mode, nauseous, etc. I rang napac but they made me feel more alone. I’d explained. The person then was using distraction techniques, go do something nice, paint the sky yellow or something, which did not take away or validate any of what has happened or of my feelings, including guilt for blocking mum. Did their best in their job, but it is only their job isnt it, they’re not truly going to care or want to be in my shoes for a moment to help me. And that feels selfish if Id expected them to do that. I dont want to affect or trouble anyone. Thanks so so so so much everyone fur your care, kindness, support, advice, listening, being here. I hope all are OK. My heart with all. Thank you xxxxx I apologise if any typo errors, I’m just going to post before I lose this post too. Thank you xxxxxxx

[Aliendoh]

Thank you Al so very much for your strentgh, kindness, care, advice. All great advice, options to consider. I’ve felt so low. Hence I’ve not been here in a while. But I am here. And so thankful, so grateful. Hope you all are doing OK, I feel I want to post more, ask more, hopefully I’ll feel stronger and be able to post more later on. Thanks again, so much hope you are keeping OK this Saturday night xxx my hugs, if that’s ok, and care, are with you. Xxxx

[Aliendoh]

Thank you for your kind messages xxxx

[Aliendoh]

After much a do and near melt down I have spoken with my gp and been signed off for a further weeks. Management are arranging another official meeting as part of the sickness absence disciplinary policy. I cried so much yesterday just felt so low, I’m realising not only is the trauma of all in my past and cptsd with hard to manage symptoms, but also menopausal symptoms are the cause of such demise of me. I was even thinking of the world without me in it. I’m better now just feel teary but can’t sleep. I spoke with the gp weeks ago who dismissed me and ended the call saying time was up, after I’d said how low I’d been feeling and asked of hrt. The gp at that time refused to discuss hrt until current symptoms subside. But it’s all part and parcel of my current conditions. A male gp is now ringing me back tomorrow to discuss hrt. Really need the help. Thanks again all hope all are OK and keeping safe

[Aliendoh]

Thank you so very very much for your advice, care and support. Really means a lot thank you. Today I find myself in a complete anxious state, pains have Flared again, not slept, etc etc, it’s even that bad I feel scared of speaking with managers. How crazy and silly is that! They’ve rang me I need to ring them back. I’ve tried ringing my g. P. But can’t get through. I’m due back imminently. I don’t know what to do, dare I say one more week, or am I just prolonging the agony. I’m afraid if I go back symptoms will become unbearably again. But I’m afraid if I tell management I’m off one more week, they’ll lose patience and decide to take action. But on the other hand, I don’t know if they would take actions againgst me, if I will be going back next week. I’m in a mess today. I wish I was adult like, brave and strong. Thanks again, so much

[Aliendoh]

Hi PypleHll
So sorry all you’re going through. Hope you are doing OK. Stay strong. Sending strength with love xx

[Aliendoh]

Hi again. I’ve found the forum and registered. I get migraines too. Bad ones. No sleep to. Etc. Take care of you. Xxxx

[Aliendoh]

Thank you so very much, ISOPeace, KIP and Ladiesand gentleman. I’m so sorry what you went through too. I hope you are all doing OK too.
I do ensure zero contact. And I would never allow him to know my fears, my life, anything at all. Because that would give him exactly what he wanted, wants. It would give him the power boost he thrives upon. I’d become under his control, in his mind, his play thing, all over again, if he knew. Hence I keep it all to myself. But inside it feels awful. I’m trying to find ways to maintain what I have, job, career, I can get really triggered at work, upon conflict, manipulative people, power people, etc. I’m trying to find what, or how, can I be, in a way that’s less soul destroying, less crushing, in that moment, and in all moments, weeks, months, years even, after that, when the effects, pain, cptsd, symptoms, affect so badly that I can’t work, which threatens my employment, career, livelihood. Ps I’d not revisited this thread til now, I think I felt shame. Thanks again, so much xx

[Aliendoh]

Thank you so very much ISOPeace xxxx

[Aliendoh]

Hi Auriel, thank you for replying, I’m so glad you joined too, both newbies, to get to meet you. Wow you’ve similar experiences too re your health decline alongside having a family who have personality disorders!! I think you’re so right, all what you said, I wouldn’t have been able to find such words that fit so well to describe them. I’d not thought of it like that before, boundaries violated, you’re so right! Being made super susceptible and vulnerable too, they were definately a part of the problem that led to all. I’ve one remaining parent who still is in my life with her personality disorder at full work, I try very hard to keep boundaries, distance, etc. Thank you for helping me feel its not just me and I’m not mad or making it up in my experience, if you get what I mean. I’m so glad to meet you, so sorry you had to experience abuse too, hope you’re taking good care, hope you are doing OK today

[Author]

Posts