Anonymous

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much 🙂
I will do my best definitely doing the zero contact again as I do not want to keep feeling this way. I was beginning to get better and this one time has made me worse I feel even lower than before. Just wish I had the strength to just let go and feel no pain or hurt. I feel I have to go away again sometime to reflect on everything and just get away. I hope I make the right choice and not fall back in to his arms I know how unhealthy he is for me. As I can tell by the impact of me being sick all night and feeling so low today. I have done it before I just need to do it again.

[Anonymous]

I am doing the zero contact again just don’t want to fall weak.

[Anonymous]

I am so scared of what it is doing to me I actually wish I never called him. I broke down in front of my family today as I can not cope with all the pain and hurt. I don’t have any support doing this on my own didn’t want to burden my friends and family with my problems as before when I did they never understood anything. Feel like is it my fault did I push him because of the comment I made about other guys. I was just so annoyed with everything that he put me through. I love him so much just can not take the pain. The time I was without him I was getting better and did not let my emotions take over. Speaking to him again made my emotions come out literally have not stopped being sick since can’t even eat. I just want to be happy again. Even if that is having slight happiness and feeling okay without him. As being with him always made me paranoid and speaking to him seems as though nothing has changed there. I just can not take the hurt anymore and I am so scared of my future all these problems just never stop.

[Anonymous]

I feel so weak again 🙁 why am I so stupid. I feel like is it my fault for winding him up as I was annoyed with everything he put me through. Then he starts talking about other women and making me feel like I am not good enough. I just wanted to feel like I was enough. And now I am laying here crying my eyes out again. He says he loves me but why does he hurt me. What did I do so wrong to deserve all this pain? I tried I told him how I felt and look what he does to me laughs and says it’s a joke when he mentions other women to me. Knowing it bothered me in the past then says I can’t take a joke and he can not even banter with me. Why am I made out to be a bad person?

[Anonymous]

Thanks kip. He made a comment about his exes and now I feel like nothing. Then he is like I know you care like he’s trying to make me jealous and hurt my feelings. I just can’t win.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much. I have carried in with the no contact been over (detail removed by moderator) now. Still missing him and I wish I didn’t think it is holding on to hope. Which I don’t want to do but I can’t help it. I really wish I could just erase everything but it is not that simple. I am really trying to move forward without him sometimes it just gets so difficult. His emails get sent to a blocked folder as iCloud does not allow them to be deleted. He told me he is not okay which does make me worry. But then I think when I would wait up every night worrying if he’s drinking again or where he is and who he is with. The paranoia was driving me insane. I don’t want to live my life worrying about him all the time. Not being able to trust him and him not building our trust did not help. I am actually frightened as this is the first time I am doing this alone without anyone to help me usually I fall back on to a previous partner or someone new. This time I am not. I don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over again as that was my third abusive relationship. I am so scared of what my fiture holds. Do not feel safe at all anymore.

[Anonymous]

Hey thank you everyone. The police have warned him but he has sent me another email. The email this time actually brought tears to my eyes. I am trying to stay strong and not give in. Telling me he’s not okay hurts me. I mean I wish it didn’t. But then he’s been on holiday for his number back that all his ex’s have wants me to call him on that number. He said even if I don’t speak please just call me. I don’t know what he is trying to gain from this. I feel if he really loved me firstly he wouldn’t have gone and got his number back. As that’s where my trust issues started with him. Why should I call him. After the way he has treated me. Why should I even care. Why does this hurt so much? I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.

[Anonymous]

Thanks freedom to choose.
I know right I feel exactly the same. I tried making amends with friends but they do not seem to care. I keep chasing and trying my best to want to spend time with them but no response. That’s why I feel more alone. I just wish it was that easy. I am starting to realise from the beginning he put me down and made me happy at the same time. Is a good thing we got out just focus on ourselfs now. I hate that I feel this way though suppose it’s normal to be missing him when it’s still early days. Had the opportunity to move on to something new but I have chosen not to as I know deep down I am so vulnerable right now and need to build myself up. Thank you though and stay strong you will get through all these emotions xxxxx

[Anonymous]

They said I can not speak to an officer from the dv unit as a officer has to do a risk assessment first. The officer I seen didn’t do an assessment he just said your a low risk so we will just leave him a voicemail. They basically did not take anything I said seriously. I actually was in tears after the way the officer spoke to me. It was like he kept trying to argue with me and have a go at me. Tbh I was more in shock. After speaking to the Sargent she just said I’ll send him an email. I did not get to show her the evidence of anything due to the shock I was in tbh I mentioned it to her but she wasn’t even wanting to give it time of day. It took me so long to get to the point and finally go to the police and the fact they treated me like it’s my fault makes me feel like never going back tbh.

[Anonymous]

Can’t block due to it being icloud will contact apple though went to the police and tbh had the worst experience with them say that I am a low risk. Officer also deleted all my emails then I have had to get them back. Felt like I was being attacked for reporting him.

[Anonymous]

Thanks kip. I did not end up calling him. Trying to stay strong it’s kist so difficult. I am considering contacting the police when I move back home as I am away from my area at this moment. Just so worried struggling to do this alone. I know deep down I made the right decision I just miss him and the relationship. But he has shown his true colours and I don’t know why he keeps hurting me when I am not even with him. Just wish I had no feelings.

[Anonymous]

Exactly I sent a email back and told him to give it to charity and to not contact me again. He sent me a message back saying I will be in touch sooner than you think. How disrespectful. I am unsure about going to the police yet was giving it time for him to stop.

[Anonymous]

I can’t block him on my iCloud email it just sends to another folder in my emails.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want the money I am tired of him my only other option is to just send an email back saying just give it to charity but I don’t even want to do that. I Am tired and I feel if I don’t stop him know he will always have the money as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much I did not respond to him so proud of myself. Even though I have so much going on in my home life. Family stress etc. My father is also verbally abusive towards me and I feel trapped within every direction of my life. I don’t know how to get out anymore. I have been with 3 abusive partners now and I am so afraid that I have gone away to a family friends away from my area because my injunction ends. Can’t cope anymore I mean i have told my support worker but I am not getting anywhere. Having to do everything myself is so difficult. I just want to hide away from the world again. Why should I have to listen to abuse at home aswell as from my so called ex partners when will this cycle stop. What am I supposed to do?

Thank you so much for all the support it is keeping me away from him. I never want to look back and I hope I don’t ever fall back. Just hope I stay strong and get through this without losing myself.

[Author]

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