Belle250

[Belle250]

Thank you so so much for reading my post and leaving your lovely replies, it means the world to me.

@Eggshells; This may get moderated but it’s been the better part of a year for me.
I kept trying to find out and I would ask my counsellor ‘how long will it be like this’ and the bottom line is there is no definitive timeline.
It’s however long it takes for you personally; to really process what’s happened, start to heal and then take the steps to move forward.
Like I said, I’m a realist so I do still have my negative moments, but I’ve found coping mechanisms that work for me to get me through those moments and this forum was one of those things. And I was fortunate that I’m still in contact with some of the ladies from my refuge because it really does help to speak with people who can relate to what you’ve been through.

I know it sounds preachy but if you could have seen me before, you wouldn’t believe that I’m the same woman now, so please keep pushing, keep fighting for yourself, even on those days when you don’t want to.
We are all here for each other.

💜💕💜

[Belle250]

Hi Phileine,

I stayed in refuge… I was so scared that the first time, I didn’t make it! I ended up going on my second attempt. But the women were so welcoming and kind. It just gave me that breathing space I needed to take a moment. It was extremely overwhelming but they’re trained to handle it. They will give you the support that you need so that you don’t feel so alone.

But I agree with @ wants to help, you made the bravest decision to leave – I wasn’t that brave.

Call women’s aid and they will help and please update us xx

[Belle250]

@Bananaboat – love the name!

I’m so glad it helped a little, this forum has been such a comfort especially when I’ve had my really bad days.
There’s another amazing post where women have listed the positive things they say to themselves which is beautiful.
You will have good and bad days but just know that you’re not alone in this xx

[Belle250]

Hi KIP, oh I couldn’t agree more. My apologies if my post came across as though I was trying to make an excuse, that really wasn’t the case, it was simply about my own understanding 🙈
I will certainly take a look at Melanie Tonia Evans, I know there’s still so much recovery to be made and still so much to learn.
Thank you and take good care xx

[Belle250]

“I used to want to protect my name in situations, now I just want to protect my peace. I let whoever think WHATEVER!”

🤜🤛

[Belle250]

Such beautiful words and a prime example of how much this forum has helped me.
I read this quote every morning since I’ve found it –

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked and understood. But it doesn’t matter. Because the people that are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side and you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. Instead of liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.”

💜💕💜

[Belle250]

Hi Marmot,
Reading your response is literally like reading my very own words.
It’s almost scary to see just how similar some of these abusers are, it’s truly shocking.
But it does give me some reassurance to know that it genuinely isn’t me. It’s so easy to think that it’s my fault, I must have brought out the worst in him to act this way. So I’m so grateful for the women who share their experiences and feelings because it really does make me feel like I’m not alone in all of this.
I’m just trying to see it as closure now, he will never take responsibility, his family/friends have all blocked me and I know he has a history so I’m working with people who are essentially trying to help me build back my confidence and help me to understand that he was in the wrong.

I hope that you get the outcome that you are looking for.
Take good care and good luck to you also xx

[Belle250]

Put the kettle on… thank you so much

[Belle250]

Hi Shocknawe, apologies as I know you wrote your post a little while ago, however I just wondered how you were getting on as I’m exactly where you were back in July? The pain I’m experiencing is something I’ve never felt… Thank you

[Belle250]

Thank you for your reply. The most messed up thing is that I wish he would come back and say that he didn’t mean it…! He won’t have anything to do with me and I’ve never felt so rejected and hurt and just broken… It is literally taking everything that I have just to get through each hour of the day. And I don’t know how to fix myself. I’m on medication for depression, anxiety and insomnia but nothing works. I just want peace.

[Belle250]

Thank you for your kind words and understanding 💜💕💜

[Belle250]

Hi Emptybutfree,
Your words could literally be me writing them… I can only speak from my own personal experience but I think the trauma bond is definitely one of the hardest things to overcome when we’re out of the relationship. Some days I’m absolutely fine and on those days I read the journal that I wrote where I have listed everything that happened and it reinforces my strength but then other days I feel so broken and I don’t know how to fix myself or the hurt I feel.

I guess my point is that it’s important to recognise these feelings and emotions, just take a step back and focus on getting through the next few moments, the rest of that day, try not to think too far ahead. Just take each moment as it comes.

Do little things that make you happy until this feeling passes because it will and just remember that you did the right thing 💜💕💜

[Belle250]

I had a bad experience with my first counsellor, they didn’t help at all so I found one that specialises in DA, trauma and crisis and I’m so glad I did. So it may be worth trying to find someone who can help you specifically with what you need.
I also felt the emptiness you described, I lost a stone in (removed by moderator) and I just had no interest in looking after myself.
I don’t think that any one solution helps, you’re doing the best thing in sourcing different options to help you so just continue to do that. I also found that volunteering helped me personally, I felt like I was actively giving back to my community so it really is about finding what works for you.
Like others have said, keep moving forward and keep fighting for yourself xx

[Belle250]

I found that my GP was only too happy to offer an abundance of prescribed drugs when I knew I needed counselling but I was told counselling wouldn’t help whereas I knew that being “drugged up” to the max wouldn’t help me!
I did eventually find myself a fantastic counsellor who specialises in DA trauma and crisis management.
Whilst my counsellor is private, they offer discounted rates in some circumstances so perhaps that could be an option.
Please do keep trying to seek help because ultimately only we know what it is that we need to continue to help us overcome our situations.
Please continue to stay strong xx

[Belle250]

Such amazing responses that I think we can all relate to in one way or another.
From my situation, where my separation was forced because the Police intervened I’d just like to say well done to you for doing this on your own, that’s something that I didn’t have the realisation to do for myself. But one thing that I will say, is that the separation has made me reassess. And because were separated and because it’s by law, he can’t communicate with me in anyway shape or form, it has allowed me to take a step back and live for myself again and “breathe”.
You’re most certainly on the right path for you, you’re doing things for yourself and you’re finding answers and trying to understand how and why you feel this way.
I think it’s so important to know that there is no right or wrong way to feel, it’s just about recognising what feels good and what doesn’t in yourself.
And as cliche as it sounds, time really does make the difference. Allow yourself the time to heal and be ok which to me, sounds like you’re already doing and you’re doing it amazingly.
Sending so much love to the amazing women out there xx xx

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