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    • #142084

      atleast when i was with him i had someone with me

    • #142083

      everyone told me to leave him but where is all the support now? theres only o much i can speak to my own family about

    • #142008

      also you can get an IDVA from victims support.. out of every charity victims support was the most helpful hands down!

    • #142007

      not 111 sorry thats the nhs line 101 is the number to call best wishes and lots of love xxx

    • #142006

      Hi Milktray, keep logs and evidence for each time he breaks his bail conditions.
      then show this to the police dial 111 and say you are bei g harassed.
      dont regret giving your statement, i fely like this too!
      maybe there are some charities which can help.. i suggest trying to get a IDVA (independent domestic violence advocate) it will take 6-8 weeks but this person can literally help your case and push forward things with the police as well as check up on you.
      if you are feeling sad please do a self refferal to talking therapies every borough has this and its free they offer CBT and if they dont think this is appropriate they will refer u to secondary MH care.

      your post is very true tho everyone tells us to leave and report but no one is there for us in the end.
      focus on the friend that is there for u and try joining the freedom programme u will meet other dv survivors and maybe feel less alone cus they have been through the same thing.

      i am sorry you went through all that and in this holy month of ramadan i will pray for god to make things easier for you and grant you ease.

    • #135521

      i went back after (detail removed by Moderator) weeks and the abuse was much worse. I was pregnant and lost the baby due to his abuse. Me holding his baby was not enough for him to change it actually made him more angry and sinister towards me.
      every single time i left and came back he got more dangerous towards me physically and emotionally.
      these relationships never ever work and its so hard to leave. when i left for (detail removed by Moderator) weeks for the first time it was sad and hard but my final time leaving (6th time) i felt like i was dying without him i wanted to run back to him but i knew he was dangerous.

      every time you leave and go back you lose a piece of yourself and it gets even harder to leave.. its like walking into a death trap.
      things never get better with these men and they never change.
      when i left loads of people told me im lucky because im free. i didnt feel free i felt like i lost the love of my life. as months pass by without hearing his voice i feel like i can do my hair the way i want to without him forcing me to change it, i can wear makeup if i want to, i can speak to my friends and family again, i can aspire to be anything i want to, i can go to the shops by myself. i wasnt allowed to do any of those things.
      thats freedom. you get freedom and safety leaving an abuser it gets better 🙂

    • #134507

      hi keepbeingbrave,

      your words and story gives us all hope thank you so much for sharing you are truly a beautiful inspiring soul

    • #134388

      i think it depends on how long you were in the relationship.. like if u was in one for a year give yourself about a year to get over things. if you have a therapist thats great.
      i think the worst thing would be to start dating again when u havent done any work on yourself. make sure your really fulfilled and ur self confidence is super high before you start dating. the datu=ing game is terrible if u have low esteem you will be burned easily and attract really horrid men so if you feel your ready do so.

    • #134335

      hi wantstohelp,

      thank you so much for that link and for ur advice! i have spoken to miscarriage association and they were brilliant!

      the reason why i think i have brain damage is bevaise my ex often attacked my head (he knew no bruises would show) i would never be able to go doctors as he wouldnt allow me to see docyors or hospotal.
      i had repeated blows on my head with hard metal objects and i have been smashed against walls. this was also during my pregnancy and i have seen any form of head injury will cause the foetus to be at risk and thats what happened. 🙁

      i have memory problems now and difficulty concentrating and chronic headaches i feel there must be something wrong with me. traumtic brain injury and dv victims there is a strong link.

    • #134331

      did you manage to get diagnosed with any conditions? im worried i have traumatic brain injury and this was linked to my miscarriage when my ex attacked me.

      i just want these emotions to disappear because nothing is going right for me and me dreaming about him isnt helping.
      i really hope that happens to me! i just want a job and something positive i can focus on!

      i have no counselling or anything the iapt is still deciding what treatment to give me i will know soon but i have just been waiting for AGES! i feel frustrated

    • #133974

      hi kip i am so happy for you your such a strong woman <3 your truly an inspiration!

    • #133909

      CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I am so proud of you and you and your family are in my prayers!
      if you need any support speak to womens aid or other dv charities they help with housing! YOU GOT THIS!

    • #133701

      lets say i do tell thr truth about my ex marriage there will be my new partner most definately forcing me to say whats happened. if i say it was because of compaitbiliyy issues and lie i will be judged if i say i was abused he will beat me up and see that im a victim and use it against me. i dont win by telling the truth i just trap myself from being explouted again

    • #133700

      i feel so let down by everyone in my community i thought i would be protected if i stayed with my husbands parents but they also joined in on the beef and enjoyed me getting beaten up. hell they even hit me too,
      if i ever got beats my mother in law would say i deserveed it because i wasnt respecting him.
      im so let down so i might aswell lie because these people are all backwards.

    • #133699

      hi gettingtired,

      thanks for your response and support!
      i am very ancious by everyones olden day opinions, but unofrtuantely it is the case.
      i am yet to meet someone who has accepted a divorcee.

      men from my community just prefer women to be pure although they do whatever they want before marriage. its a huge double standard.

      if i tell thr truth about my past yes someone may agree to marry me but they will most definately hold it against me and treat me like a second class person. they may even threaten to get another wife because i slept wirth my ex hubby.

      like even my ex judghed me for having a bf befor him although he had so much gfs and slept around.
      like he was the only one who had sex with me and he hated me for beinf kissed by someone else.
      yes hes in prison for that reason.

      the thing is gettingtired my ex used to say if i ever leave him no one will want me again because i was mafrried before but for him it would be easy to move on.
      as much as i want to think hes wrong he is completely right.
      hes not the first person whos said that it would be hard once i have this divrice stamped across ny forhead.

      i have no children by my ex but i had a miscarriage before which may come up on records but stil i know its possible to hide. if i marry someone who isnt controlling they wont pry as much as my ex did.

      sometimes i wish i was from a more accepting ethnicity. i would have left him sooner. the thought of being a divorcee scared me so i stayed. as i thought no one will ever love me again.

      but the fact that i can hide it gives me hope i have the chance of happiness again.
      its not the ideal situation (detail removed by Moderator)
      i am hiding my ex marriage for safety and not being exploited.
      (detail removed by Moderator)

      i wont be able to marry from a different community or religion so thats why i must hide this.
      (detail removed by Moderator) i am saying this as muskim woman.(detail removed by Moderator) it hurts me alot and i know there may be goodd people but i havent met any

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