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    • #75227
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Ahh that’s so nice ☀ well done for finding the energy! Seeing our kids happy is such a massive incentive isn’t it. I read something recently by Judith Herman, she’s a psychiatrist who specialises in trauma. She said it was amazing how some people she works with, who’ve experienced such horrors respond so well to the smallest amount of understanding and affection. I think this is something positive we can take from our experiences. We can do so much with a little bit of love.
      Hope your next run is even better Xx

    • #75215
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      It’s common to talk yourself in and out of recognising abusr. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Growing up with abuse unfortunately means we form unhealthy boundaries as our parents allowed low standards for us emotionally so they don’t seem ‘wrong’. Try to feel proud you are aware you don’t want that for your own child. You could make a referral to children’s services if you feel you aren’t in a position to mediate with them. You can’t mediate with someone when you are being abused or coerced.
      Or maybe start with a women’s center? I bang on about them all the time but mine have been able amazing resource. They are very aware of why we are worried of the consequences of taking back control and they won’t pressure you in to making a decision. But they will make sure you are represented well. Xx

    • #75205
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      This is so nice to hear ☺ I’m so happy for you. Well done on getting all your things done. This is the point I’m most excited about. Having my new home and not having the life sucked out of me day in day out. I had reinvented my home time after time and he just destroyed it constantly. Photo frames were always the first to go. Then his crap would sneak in to every corner of the room I had worked so hard to design.
      You will get stronger every day ☀ Xx

    • #75201
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Hi she-ra. Your reaction is completely normal. I had the hit by the bus period pretty much as soon as I realised what was happening. Terrible panic attacks so severe I genuinely thought it would never pass. I didn’t sleep or eat. The only way I could describe it was as though I hadn’t actually lived through everything he’d done and just experienced everything all at once. Your mind is only just starting to process what you have been through. It will take time and it will be very frightening, but it will confirm that you are right and you will survive.
      Phoning the Police must be making your head spin but you can take the control in that situation. Maybe someone from your local women’s center will be an advocate for you and attend any interviews. I hope you get some sense of safety soon Xx

    • #75159
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Hi Copperflame. Well done for taking the control back. That was very brave.
      I hope thinga settle down now and you can move past it. It’s never ok to be abused by anyone. Good luck x

    • #75022
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      None of what happened is your fault. Shouting and being upset because you are being mistreated is totally normal and there is NOTHING to justify how he has hurt you.
      He shouldn’t hurt you to rid the tension, the tension shouldn’t be there. You don’t deserve it at all.
      Have you been checked out by a Doctor? It sounds like you should do if not to make sure you are ok. Xx

    • #75009
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Hi Mumaoftwo. Do you have a local women’s centre you can go to? I found it really helpful to just talk through my fears about going to the Police and my support worker was fantastic. She didn’t try to influence me or even give guidance, but she listened and talked about options and I arrived at my own decision. It is such a personal and difficult decision and your concerns are real so don’t ignore them. You can come up with a plan that considers anything you’re scared about. Good luck Xx

    • #75006
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      I like going for a drive with my friend for coffee. We laugh about absolutely stupid stuff and that’s when I’m at my happiest. I have missed it so much as we didn’t really get to do it before I left. Just being giddy and silly is my favourite self care.
      Also, might sound daft, but work is self care for me too. (Work detail removed by moderator). It is very satisfying and helps me feel strong and confident, even just for a few hours.
      I also downloaded the Youper app which is really good for self care. It is helping me challenge my negative thoughts and has helped me down from a few scary ledges recently 🤣
      I feel like I am indulging a lot these days in self care haha. It feels good x

    • #74370
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      I did tell them yes but I was ready to make a statement at the time because I was worried it would make things escalate. I don’t know when I’ll learn things escalate regardless!
      I will speak to local women’s center again tomorrow they’ve been great, I just feel like I haven’t left them alone haha.
      Thanks for your reply xx

    • #74355
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Thanks again for your replies. I don’t know what I’d have done without all the support.
      I’m still really up and down but the up spells are getting longer. I just wish beyond anything I didn’t have to speak to him!
      He keeps changing the goal posts already with the kids after promising in front of everyone he wouldn’t. Not that I’m surprised but still disappointed.
      I am hoping to apply for our new house today. Have my fingers and toes crossed we get it! Xx

    • #75230
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Thanks fizzylem, we have got this!! Xx

    • #75229
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Thank you KIP! I am hoping I have not gone over optimistic. He is being very agreeable at the minute so I always have this nagging fear he is going to ruin it all when I least expect it. But I am trying to stay in a positive frame of mind whenever I can seize it. Xx

    • #75200
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Oh She-ra I’m so sorry your friend has acted in this way. She might think that is helpful but it is the cruelest thing she could have done without it meaning to be. Unfortunately people really don’t understand how terrifying it is to leave these kinds of situations. I’m sure you are all over the place. Try to hold on to your good and hopeful thoughts as long as you can.
      The Police will not act at a pace you aren’t comfortable with. To be honest, they might react more slowly than you think.
      Can you go to a local women’s center? The one I’m at is fantastic. They offer very practical advice and will validate your concerns for safety and help you come up with a plan. It’s never too late for a plan. It can help you feel more in control and that is so important in the leaving stage.
      Easier said than done, but try to avoid ‘catastrophic thinking’. Just remind yourself you are powerful and resilient and you can take everything one step at a time. It’s going to be hard but you CAN do it. Xx

    • #75021
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Thanks so much. I’m glad you are all getting some peace. That’s what I keep reminding myself of. The kids are going from strength to strength. So much more relaxed and I’m actually looking after myself which is crazy.
      We just have to keep riding the waves I suppose.
      Congratulations on getting you and your family out and wishing you lots of positivity Xx

    • #74392
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      I’m so sorry you didn’t get the house. It’s ok to feel sad and have a little time to mourn while things are bad. It hurts a lot and there is no escaping it sometimes. It will pass though and things will definitely get better.
      Hope you feel better soon 💜

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