coffeelover

[coffeelover]

Yes I agree with Chestnut. I have just got to the stage where I feel I can leave, it’s been (detail removed by moderator) of back and fourth, he’s lovely for a few weeks then starts being horrible again. I still love him and it will hurt when he gets with someone else (which I know he will as he can’t be alone) but I do not want to be treated the way I am by him, it’s not right, it drags me down and makes me feel awful. I deserve better. He doesn’t understand what he’s doing is wrong so will never change.

You will get there, keep posting and reading on here for support, I find it really helps. Maybe talk further to your friend too.

 

[coffeelover]

Sorry I had to press send quickly as he’s here.
My situation has been going on for (detail removed by moderator) and I’ve been at this point before and backed down but nothing ever changes because he feels he’s not doing anything wrong.
I, like you thought we’d grow old together but I have accepted the fact we won’t now, I’m extremely upset about it but I know I’ll feel better in time and I can’t go on like this, you only get one life.
I reached out to a friend today and that really helped. Can u tell a friend / family?

 

[coffeelover]

A lot of his traits are the same as my partners. He too was amazing, loving, kind and generous in the begining. Niw I genuinely feel like his unpaid housekeeper. It’s not acceptable and it grinds you down and you start to blame yourself.
Yesterday I said to myself no more and told him, he did the usual blame it all on me then when I mentioned selling the house he started being nice. Today I phoned an estate agent who’s coming on (detail removed by moderator).

 

 

[coffeelover]

One of my friends replied and I’m going to see her on Thursday, I feel so much better for reaching out on here and to a friend.

[coffeelover]

That’s an interesting thought about counselling, do you not think abusers can change then? He had 1 serious relationship before me and I know they led very separate lives so I’m guessing there’s a pattern but I don’t know.

I know I don’t want this situation any more but I’m also scared of the unknown I guess. I have been in my own before so it’s not that, I think I just feel like I’ve failed but then I suppose everyone feels like that when relationships end and it gets easier.

[coffeelover]

I texted 2 old friends yesterday, not saying anything detailed, just a ‘hi how are you?’ They’ve both read it but not replied. I haven’t seen either for a long time and 1 hates him so I think I’ve burned those bridges. I have another friend I could talk to but she’s quite a new friend and got quite heavy family stuff going on at the moment. My brother lives around the corner but really likes him, he doesn’t see the other side and when we had troubles before and I told him, he said ‘that’s just marriage isn’t it?’ although he’d never treat his wife like that.

[coffeelover]

Oh Lottie he sounds so controlling.
I wrote a big list earlier and I do find that helps.
I’m glad you have a friend to talk to, could you go and stay with her? Just to have a break, make out to him you’re supporting her?

[coffeelover]

Hi Camel
Thank you for your reply. I actually wrote a list of the things he does earlier using headings from another message thread, it ended up being quite long.

He came back and I tried to talk to him but he just blames everything on me, I honestly start to believe him. I asked him about counselling and he refused. I snapped in the end and said if he’s not prepared to change we’ll sell the house then he backtracked and started being nice, said he’d go to the GP as he thinks he’s depressed (he’s said this before) and we’ll make more effort with each other.

I didn’t agree to anything, he’s said all this before. I feel so tired and worn down it’s easier to stay, however I need to do this, I just need to stay strong somehow.

[coffeelover]

My partner blames me for everything. If I try and talk to him about something that I feel isn’t right or something he’s done it’s always my fault or in my head. You end up thinking that it is you but the rational part of me knows it isn’t.

I need to get out but like you I don’t know who to talk to. I want legal advice first, we’re not married but joinly own a property then I think I’m going to get counselling once I’m alone. These are my grand plans that I’ve been thinking about for 2+ years. I always hope things will get better but they never do for long, it’s all lip service.

Have you got a trusted friend? I have lost all mine because of this relationship, I wish I hadn’t.

You will get through this, it’ll just take time.

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