Courage157

[Courage157]

Thank you Lisa 😔😘🙏

[Courage157]

They resent us leaving them which is why they try their best to manipulate us however they can. I was always sucked into mine being nice to me and thought he was being genuine but then he round do some tubing to upset me…. I left mine (detail removed by Moderator)yrs ago…

[Courage157]

It takes years to recover… its been a while for me yet I still get pulled back at the slightest. When you have to deal with them for handovers, you never really are given a chance to forget what they did. It just gets easier over time in how you deal with and cope with it all. X

[Courage157]

Anything that causes upset means your not being over sensitive… when you haven’t gone through it, they don’t understand…

[Courage157]

I just tried to get advice from just answer and the solicitor was horrible.. in short she didn’t listen to a word I said and basically said if it relates to child contact, it’s not seen as coercive control! I’m choosing to ignore this because it is affecting me a lot and these continuous little attacks he does, under the radar, being manipulating and twisting things on me is affecting me and also my families now because they are seeing me upset and feeling so powerless (Detail removed by moderator) All I want to know is how do I let the courts know what he is doing, how ive followed it and how he is making me look like I’m in the wrong by harassing me into accepting what he believes is correct. I feel so down, I feel like no one can help, I feel like lawyers are just as bad and are only out to make money and destroy innocent lives in the process… I got the whole FATHERS RIGHTS thrown in my face on that just answer topic, and I had to say it’s not all about their rights, it’s also about mothers rights, those mothers who have done nothing wrong and who are continuously living a life of nerves and fear and no one seems to care…

[Courage157]

This is not a healthy relationship..He is being really nasty and it seems like what you are going through is torture..

The only person that is going to help you IS YOU. Don’t let him manipulate you like this. Stand strong, protect your children, don’t given anyone any reason to attack you.

He’s an abuser, end of. A weak coward who chooses to pick on your vulnerability
X

[Courage157]

You guys are so very right… Iwantmeback – that’s exactly what I feel like I’ve been doing these past years. I was tip toeing round him back then, still am in a way, I panic at the slightest, like I feel obliged to still do things for him. School photo email comes out from the school, I order him one (he sees the schools emails as he is on the mailing list – he wanted it). School trips happen, he questions me if our child is going. It’s like I’m not with him, but he still interferes with day to day life too. (detail removed by moderator)

I find it hard to explain everything like lawyers do, I walk into court alone, I’m used to it now but he goes in (detail removed by moderator) They don’t listen to us in the beginning, because we don’t leave these men for nothing, we left for a reason, and because we can’t lie, vocalise things without waffling for days, (detail removed by moderator). It’s been a struggle, today has been a good day though…for a few hours I managed not to think of this whole thing… I hate how he has taken over my life. I know he hates the fact I’m alive, I’m breathing and he won’t stop until I’m out the picture and he has our child to raise like him.

There are no replies with him now…his solicitors are involved. I just wish in family law cases they actually stopped these men from using their power to attack us. There should be a law against things like this happening in family law cases. (detail removed by moderator)

Right now, I’m listening to you all. The bending over backwards, communicating with him, making life easy for him, basically being a pa to him for the sake of our child has stopped. He has taken advantage of my kind nature. Before I made sure (and please don’t judge me-it was the only way, a silly way, that I could move on to make my soul rest) that I communicated like he was a friend. I brushed aside what he did to me and used to make a conversation regarding our child to him. But it’s all for show for him, never be fooled by men like him..
thank you all for emailing me back. I need this support xx

[Courage157]

I can’t thank you enough ladies…It gets to the point where you sit there and think of ways anyone can help you and wish that someone would just say “that’s enough now leave her alone!” I have tried my best, as Fizzeylem said, it’s like you feel obliged to send your child for fear of the courts etc. I’ve been through those stages where my child couldn’t speak yet and was crying, running to me clinging on not to go to his dads and I had to act like nothing was wrong and hand my child over crying, why? Because otherwise they would say I’m ailienating our child etc etc. Oh – byw he already tried that line on me also and they found no evidence I was doing and alienating, in fact, ex was told if our child didn’t wNt to see him and it would evidently be because of him and his actions and not me..

(detail removed by moderator) Now a final order is in place, he couldn’t even wAit a year to create more trouble.

All I want now is for the courts to see this behaviour, to stop him now. I don’t want to stop contact, but I can’t give anymore as it will affect our child, given he is now in school. I wish they would look at his mental health (forgot to say he tried to say I was mad also – which I’m not judge ruled it out).

(detail removed by moderator). As above, my case was never looked into properly, was as you say “he said she said) I have extensive evidence from the past, I kept everything, from financial to a diary of what happened, even a recording of the day he locked us in the house. (detail removed by moderator)…. it’s not fair and no one should suffer on a day to day basis with a half hearted smile or in fear. These men, powerful or not should not be given airtime. Because mine “admitted he kicked us in and admitted he took csnnabis-but said he didn’t mean it and that he’s given up drugs” they believed him. It should not be allowed because most of us are going through hell and what for? Because of a few women/men who deliberately break the law – and then the same template they are on, we are looked at the same way too… (detail removed by moderator), are crying out for help and sometimes can’t vocalise the ways which they hurt us and just want you to see it, we want you to save us… x

[Courage157]

Use your GP letter in court too. The judge needs to know what he is still doing to you making you feel. It’s happening to me still (detail removed by moderator)yrs on… it never stops

[Courage157]

I wish I could send you the biggest hug. I hope that one day we will all be truely happy. It is like are freedom has been taken away. Bring back mothers rights! X

[Courage157]

Hello Serenity. Thank you 🙁 I read your message and I cried. I am not in a good place at the moment. I am so sad, I think to myself that I have never hurt anyone in my life, everyone has always hurt me. I feel like I anti trusting and an idiot. Right now I can’t think about the next hearing as I get anxiety, but because I don’t have the proper support from my solicitors I think everything feels a lot worse.

I feel like I can’t see happiness, I feel like I I have missed looking after my son how every parent should do focusing on them 100% instead I have good and bad days and I act happy around my son but inside I am in so much pain. My son is very young, (removed by moderator). He is vulnerable hence why I wanted to wait until he can come home and tell me what they do to him.

It made me happy knowing that when they are older they will see and make a decision themselves. I came from a broken home. Parents divorced when (removed by moderator) and I know first hand how hard it is. I didn’t want that for my son but you are right, everyone noticed me and my health was going. I started to get really scared being there, I wasn’t comfortable being around him. I would go see my mum but rush back before he got home and pretend I didn’t go out anywhere. I was going mad I think being there. I am a strong person but even now I just have really low days where I feel no one can get me out of this dark place 🙁

Thank you for your kind words. Just by reading that it woke me up. I need to keep positive but I am finding it hard 🙁
X

[Courage157]

Ayanna, sending you big hugs and love. You have been there for me on this forum so now I want to be there for you.

Please ignore this person. People like this are very very narrow minded and lack kindness. In my world everybody has a heart, everybody is human, to hurt another or their feelings would hurt me. These people are selfish heartless people who have an underlying anger inside of them. Instead of feeling sad you should feel pity for people like that because it takes a lot to be kind in this world, it costs nothing but can make the person at the other end feel happy. These people are jealous. You wanting to end your life will only give idiotic people like that great satisfaction. We all have really low days but we always feel better afterwards. Everyone on here has helped me through my journey and I don’t feel alone. Nor should you x

[Courage157]

I really feel for you. I was in the same situation as you. I felt like a stranger in my home, I kept quiet so as not to provoke an argument and I felt obliged to do what he wanted. I dreaded him waking up at the weekends because I just couldn’t relax around him. It got to the point where he would force me to go for a walk with our baby and one time I just felt so sorry for myself seeing how spot everyone was outside, seeing the love. I had tears streaming down my eyes but kept it hidden under my hood (it was winter). He had also made s comment to me “you look like the worlds ended” I just remember thinking to myself how can he have no heart? How can he not see how much he was hurting me. We saw one of his friends on this walk and I tried to hold back the tears and kept my head down like a shaking dog, but he noticed and gave me the biggest hug ever, this simple act of care and kindness just made me feel so safe. My own husband didn’t care yet a stranger to me but his friend cared enough to not care about his loyalty to my husband being his friend. I told my ex once that a nanny was better treated than I was. He cut me off from everything and told his family everything we did in particular his mother who controlled everything. They made him get an industrial safe to hide everything from money to laptops. He stopped sleeping with me too saying things like “I can’t love my wife if you don’t love my mother” and “I’m not sleeping with you because I don’t want another child” just so you know, I never tricked him to have a baby. I got married and pregnant on my honey moon and only lived with him full time after I got married. His mother had warned him not to sleep with me. I left my home after he locked myself and my baby boy in the house and refused to let me leave for (detail removed by moderator) hours, all while arguing in front of my son.

I am out but now I am fighting to save my son from these people. I have gone through so many emotions, like wishing I didn’t leave because I was the only protector of my baby (now I am facing handing him over for (detail removed by moderator) hours once s week), the courts have been unfair to me as my voice was not heard. I will fight because I do feel victimised.

I know it’s easier said than done, and no matter what anybody says, you are the one that has to wake up one day and say that’s it. All I can say it that we only have one life, do you want to live it being controlled or do you want to have a voice and be free? Don’t live your life regretting anything. These men do not care about us. ❤️🙏 X

[Courage157]

How do you guys have the strength to help us? I want to read other people’s posts but can’t do it just yet. I feel like every waking moment I have pressure and think about everything. I do honestly believe that this country has given fathers their rights but taken away the women’s rights to protect their babies as they see fit. It’s like the courts see these men as equal when in fact if you broke that rust by abusing, you should automatically lose your PR rights! Because mine manipulated and acted like dad if the year (detail removed by moderator). It was as if she got on with ex and wrote her own assumptions in the reports like “I can see there is a bond etc” of course there is a bond it’s his father! My worry is not my son having a father it’s my son being emotionally bullied and harmed behind closed doors and now I’m not around to protect him. I feel like we have had kids only to be made to suffer by the courts and justice system.

I want to appeal, if that annoys the judge then so be it. They haven’t been fair to me at all.

❤️

[Courage157]

Serenity, (thank you for replying I know you helped me before too). I was bullied at court (again). I thought solicitors are supposed to listen to what I want and then be your protector. Instead I felt they were defending him and acting like I had to get used to ex taking my son away. She even took my mother to one side and told her “to get me used to the used to the idea” my mother told her that I haven’t own mind.

I just felt like I suffered all those years of continuous pressure, living with the enemy, not enjoying my son from the day he was born. All for nothing 🙁 all for them to just brush it all aside like they just wanted to take the easy route. xXx

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