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Did anyone watch the second programme I Am Kirsty? What a nasty piece of work the debt collector was, how he switched from so nice and helpful to vile and threatening, then he turned up at her door to apologise, then switched again to vile and threatening and even said at one point it was HER fault, he said something like “some friend you are!” Pure gaslighting and mental manipulation, you could see the fear and bewilderment on Kirsty’s face. I Am Nicola was more subtle but the mental manipulation these men use are so awful, even Kirsty’s boss used gaslighting when she asked for more hours.

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Thelma and Louise

I can think of loads more TV programmes, like Gentlemen Jack, Game of Thrones, Line of Duty maybe.

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Why do women have the unannounced visits, the comments about the house, and why do they have to move each time, but the men seem to have very little consequences?

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I completely agree with you, I just got the impression that one of the social workers were not understanding domestic abuse, and once again it is the women who take the brunt of the blame, the comments about the women’s house being a “sh** pit” was so rude!

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Caitlin Moran “How to be a Woman” and Constance Hall “Like a Queen” I found were very empowering books for women.

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Just wanted to say that I dream of my ex every night too, in my dreams his arms are around me and we are all loving with each other.

I feel very unsettled waking up but then realise that the reality was a lot different and I remember all the bad things that happened, but it is very bizarre to have these dreams, really not sure what my subconscious is trying to say so it is interesting that I am not the only one who is going through this.

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Iwantmeback just wanted to say your post really resonated with me, you are absolutely right and it is exhausting being a woman!

I think it is a generational thing when women are not believed, I was made to feel that I should accept my lot and be grateful for what I’ve got, don’t make a fuss, blah blah blah!

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I agree with KIP, he is on his best behaviour BECAUSE he is in trouble at the moment, and I bet you anything he will try and sweet talk you to be “on his side”, not make or retract a statement, etc.

His mask will very quickly slip and you will be back to square one with him.

Please be very careful, in my experience CPS do not usually charge so if they do it shows they have real reasons to do this due to strong evidence, the fact that they must think he is a real danger, etc.

I agree with KIP that this is your chance to get away from him, please consider this, your life could be so much better!

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Thanks KIP and Twisted Sister yes this forum is a godsend, don’t know what I would have done without it!

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Thanks for your reply feelingnumb, yes this forum is really helpful to me too, and fingers crossed we both get counselling soon xx

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White Rose – I have had the same experience, when I started telling people a few bits from my past I was amazed at the number of women who said they had left abusive relationships too and were supportive, there are loads of us out there and I think that the more of us who speak out the more you don’t feel so alone.

And if anyone judges or downplays abuse (and there are not many), then walk away, it is their problem if they don’t understand.

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My solicitor was lovely, however mediation was an utter disaster and I would have lost everything if I had followed their advice, but my gut instinct told me to get a second opinion and walk away from mediation.

My advice is to always walk away from your solicitor or mediator and go to someone else if they are not doing their jobs properly.

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I believe in gut instinct, so if you think that things are being hidden from you financially then they most probably are, but a solicitor is trained to find all this out, I found that they are vital in uncovering the truth and will fight your corner for you. Good luck!

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Hi hun, yes these feelings are perfectly normal, it is as if our brains need time to process the trauma to make sense of everything, it is like being on a roller coaster but it does settle down in time.

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In my experience mothers seem to side with their precious sons, they are so blind to their actions so it all becomes normalized and minimized, and sons are free to abuse and hurt the people they claim to love.

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