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    • #6639
      Daisy
      Participant

      Yes, your way sounds perfect, switch off your paper statements when ready as you say,
      Do you have anyone who can support you, and post could be sent to you via their address, or via your work address perhaps.
      X x x

    • #6632
      Daisy
      Participant

      what’s the result of the police having to be involved unity- any scope for them putting an order on him and / or her to prevent this again?
      Not sure how old your children are, and of course you can’t say, but my grandchildren have little themed airbeds and think it’s fun,
      Sleep is so important when you are on constant alert, I know
      X x x

    • #6628
      Daisy
      Participant

      Peaches, well done for speaking out, I feel your courage and determination in your post,
      Have you seen the wizard of oz as a child? The wizard being this all powerful, huge,fearsome character but who when you strip away the light and smoke illusions in truth he is just a pathetic little man.
      if you can overcome all the years and years of instilled control and fear and “brainwashing ” of the consequences your father has brutally meted out to you all and understand and accept it for the severe abuse it is, you can then extract yourself, and perhaps inspire the others to follow.
      Is there anyone at work you feel you could talk to, and could help as and when needed re your dad’s control there?
      If you are feeling horrified of them knowing, that’s part of his brainwashing I feel and you would perhaps be suprised to hear that maybe there is someone that may already have an idea.
      As you said you are well grown up, well capable of being successful in work and that is by your own merit, so I’m sure you will be more than capable of managing your peaceful, independence too.
      The first step I feel is giving some thoughts to your financial independence,remember your earnings are yours alone, can you prepare a separate secret online account, ready for when the time comes
      X x x

    • #6576
      Daisy
      Participant

      Moon, it only looks brave from the outside,
      Or after,
      I too was terrified, my legs were like jelly, I felt like I was buzzing, shaking and none of it was good, it’s the fear and the adrenaline rushing through our bodies to help with the fight or flight,
      Please stick to your aim of your little one’s christmas being what it is about and I hope that you have others around you there too.
      Our instincts, are usually pretty good,
      Moon, I hope you don’t need the police too , and I get your concerns , I really do but if you are being hurt more this break, after all that has happened, and been promised to the contrary,please don’t hesitate.
      You know how precious you are to your daughter, she needs you, she tries to tell you and others in her way , she is trying to keep you safe, you need do that too.
      Can you think about doing one thing, and only if it is safe to do so, as he is there, set yourself up for emergency sms- text service for 999.
      If you are unable to phone 999, you can text them.
      You are in out thoughts moon
      X x x

    • #6549
      Daisy
      Participant

      hello and welcome lotsoflovexxx,
      Glad you have found us, although sorry you had to, if you know what I mean,
      First and foremost, it is not you, not at all,
      The abuser is always the one responsible for their own actions,
      Yes, it is quite often we hear on here that ladies get free from an abusive relationship only to find that it happens again and it must feel extra betrayal for you having confided in your new partner and them him go on and do similar.
      The main thing is that you have found us now and together we can help you with those doubts that you are in anyway to blame.just because it happens again doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
      X x x

    • #6548
      Daisy
      Participant

      Moon,

      It’s scary the statistics for ladies dying at the hands of their partners, so please stay safe,
      Read up as and when you can about safety plans, preparing for a safe exit if needed etc.
      But it is not the impossible these abusers would have us believe.
      All the fear instilled over however long, the cutting you off from people who would support you is their attempt to control you not escaping.
      We are usually frightened and can’t see a way out but these men aren’t above the law , however they might feel they are.
      Some ladies have reported that despite all the threats when they finally called the police their abuser soon became all meek and mild in front of the officer.others reported that they turned it round and blamed them , making them out to be the abusive one, you know him best moon so are better placed to judge,but mostly I want to at least reassure you that it is possible to break away safely and also that you are important and deserve more than to be treated as you are and your daughter deserves to not herself worry about her precious mum being hurt
      X x x

    • #6544
      Daisy
      Participant

      Yes, there has been all sorts of problem here, but this evening it seems to be much better, no more having to wait for moderating- hurrah!
      Moon, your daughter needs her mum to be safe too, more than anything.
      You mentioned if anything bad happens you know you have to act but he’s changed your view of bad, it’s called minimising and we have all been where you are and minimised the risk we are in or the harm that is being done.
      Yes, the timing is bad for leaving, I understand why you feel that but sometimes the time is always going to feel wrong, until we are out of the immediate situation , have had a bit of safe breathing space to see and think clearly,
      X x x

    • #6539
      Daisy
      Participant

      Glad you are back posting moon, we were all thinking of you today,
      I hope that you and your child are alright
      Did today go ok for you?
      X x x

    • #6440
      Daisy
      Participant

      Moon,
      My heart goes out to you,
      Your are not as you say -not at all,
      You have just been through so much, from so many different angles that your emotions can’t cope with it all and have shut down a while, it’s instinctive, to protect you from all the pain and confusion.
      Please just concentrate on thinking of just you and your child tonight if you can and what is best for just you two.
      your partner can’t be thinking of you, normally because he wouldn’t be treating you like he has done and wouldn’t have put you in the situation you face tomorrow, let alone be causing you more fear of reprisals yet to come.
      X x x

    • #6438
      Daisy
      Participant

      Hello MM from me too,
      You mentioned the more obvious abusive, destructive behaviour from earlier years.It seems that when these men curb/ control their behaviour just a teeny little bit they think we should be glad or grateful. Maybe we feel things are not as bad and notice the small improvement as acceptable for a bit but the truth is that the abuse is still there, it’s less obvious and that just makes it more confusing for you and he still has a lot of work to do.
      Your trip out, which you handled admirably by the way , is still abusive behaviour for him to get his own way, you’re right it wasn’t funny for you so it’s not a shared joke, or a pleasurable outing.
      The drive home sounds scary and potentially dangerous.
      It’s not just the actions or inactions but more the case of how they make you feel and having to do everything with half a mind on how he is going to be if kept waiting, or doesn’t get his own way, or doesn’t get the attentive audience and affirmations from you he is after.
      Sounds like you are walking on eggshell around him and his self centered ways so yes, sadly the abuse is still there
      X x x

    • #5940
      Daisy
      Participant

      It is important, you are important and I’m sorry to hear that you have been let down in this way
      Police, as in all professions or groups of people in general , there are good ones and some not so good, don’t let it put you off calling should you need them at all.
      He may have been released but he is known to them now and if he is hanging about near your home or where you go making you fearful, don’t hesitate to call them.
      Sooner hopefully rather than later, you will get a understanding officer or they will tire of his excuses for being where he has no good reason to be.
      Don’t be put off or take it personally,
      And please don’t give up,
      Hoping it is peaceful there
      X x x

    • #5937
      Daisy
      Participant

      Karmasister,
      What can I say to help you shake off some of the frustration, confusion and hurt that you are taking all in on yourself, unjustly.
      I fail to see how someone as knowledgeable and understanding as you are can be wrong all the time,
      In his eyes maybe but It’s more like you aren’t even being given a single chance then, it’s irrational.
      When there’s no hope of getting through, save your energy for those that matter,and right now that’s you.
      limit as much as possible anything to do with him and his irrational, draining, soul sucking nonsense , where’s the glimmer of the old TS, hope you come back up fighting soon, figuratively speaking of course,
      and KS he’s far from a lovely guy if you have had to resort to “far from home and loved ones”
      X x x

    • #5933
      Daisy
      Participant

      Moon,

      I am struggling to navigate this new forum, but just came across your posts, well done for bravely posting, it is do hard to start off I know,
      You are very much the survivor, you are surviving each and every day and have been for a while by the sounds of it.
      I think because what is going on ,has been going on for a while with bad days, even worse and some not so bad you see it as your normal and have sadly got used to it, even if in part. It is then hard to see it as others do, and it is indeed true that unless you have been in the situations we have it is hard to understand, so I ger that others often don’t and that leads us to feel more alone with it all.
      It only takes a push and for you to loss your balance and knock your head, or for too much pressure to be applied to an already weakened spot, so please stay safe there poppet,
      Leaving and having peace and safety is out there for you and possible, I have been abuse free now for years and years and to think now back to that day when I left with the clothes on my back, a daughter and a dog and the run up to it, I understand your fears and apprehension,
      Whenever, however and until then, we are all on your side
      X x x

    • #5876
      Daisy
      Participant

      Sorry KS , Lisa and everyone but I had more technical issues after I first logged out and couldn’t get back in again ,
      Lisa was made aware and suggested I try reregistering so it’s a further name change to Daisy now,
      Phew, new systems eh,
      Here’s hoping that tomorrow I have no issues,
      Regards
      X x x

Viewing 13 reply threads

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