Forum Replies Created

Viewing 12 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #123018
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Thank you @lifeinterrupted.
      Kids and I are just trying to adjust to our new way of living. We’ve been doing ok but couple of wee obstacles this week so I’ve been a bit all over the place, with yesterday being quite a tough day. What I find difficult is friends seem to have abandoned me, stopped asking how I’m doing, especially as I’ve taken a step back in some of our group chats. There’s just a lack of understanding I think.
      This is a great place for support, massive well done to you for reaching out on here. Domestic abuse leaves your head in a lonely old place even when you’re surrounded by friends and family that don’t know what you’re going through.
      Stay safe.
      Xx

    • #122793
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      @BraveStrongSmart it’s such an amazing, weird, but amazing. Initially I second guessed myself over any purchase but now it’s getting easier. You’ll still have wobbles but it does get easier over time. Xx

    • #120882
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Well done Melonballs! It’s a great feeling when you start moving things in, just enjoy your moment, you have survived and got to this point. Enjoy buying bits for your new place. That’s the most exciting part, or it was for me. WA told me to make my wee refuge place feel like home and that’s what I’ve done with pictures and other bits that I’ve bought without compromise, without asking if it was ok to spend money. I’ve been after a certain coffee machine for years so bought it!
      Go and fill your new home with things you love, be happy, be free and feel at peace xx

    • #120773
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Thank you for all your lovely comments. Tinkerbell, I know exactly what you mean. I’ve got no TV on at the moment and my crackling candle burning away whilst I read a book. I too used to have to listen to banging coming from the kitchen, or singing and whistling, especially if I was trying to have a moment of calm. It’s so lovely to be able to read in peace without a jealous comment if I wasn’t giving him attention.
      Xx

    • #120475
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Hi starqueen
      I think really it’s up to you if you want to speak to someone at work about it, perhaps there’s someone there you trust but you’re under no obligation.
      Depending on your employer/company they may be able to offer some form of counselling service that could help.
      Personally, I felt I had to tell my employer, I was trapped with my abuser both working from home because of the pandemic. I’d reached peak with it all, had just started to reach out to women’s aid etc and didn’t want my work impacted by what I was dealing with at home.
      I have to say my employer was amazing, HR and my top line manager, we all worked together to ensure I was able to get some safe space from time to time, counselling was arranged to see me through some of the worst weeks. Even now that I’m out they are still doing everything they can to help, they’ve even said they would source some equipment for my youngest for home schooling. I cannot thank them enough. I’m off sick at the moment and there’s no pressure for me to return.
      Is there something in particular that’s triggering you?

      Xx

    • #119358
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      I’ve archived the message without reading it. Xx

    • #119357
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Thank you both. I was doing really well in my little bubble but he messaged earlier, I haven’t opened it but the preview was enough to send me into a bit of panic. Very pleasant in his opening line, stark contrast from the threats I got last week. I want no contact with him, so will speak to my WA worker tomorrow as well as a solicitor. My kids are of an age where I don’t have to be involved. I was feeling guilty about CMS earlier and maybe we should try to come to an agreement but again, I don’t want to speak to him and actually don’t have too, I can fill in the thing online and let them know it’s domestic abuse so they’ll do it all. I think.
      Xx

    • #119219
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Thanks KIP, it’s very surreal at the moment.
      I know life will be difficult- he was so financially controlling and I’ve left with nothing but clothes and my kids but it will get easier. He’s already started spending our savings but let him. He’s playing the victim too, tried to flip it all on me but I know better. I’ve got so much positive support out there, he has one of my friends that doesn’t know what I endured looking after him, they’ve not really reached out to me. Xx

    • #115542
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Hi Jellyx

      Thank you for sharing this, I’m just waiting on the flat becoming available for me and the kids, it’s imminent. I’m equal parts excited and terrified but I know I have to do it, I cannot continue to live a life that is economically and psychologically controlled.
      I am worried about the financial side of things, can you give me an indication of what you pay for in refuge? One of my amazing support network described escaping your abuser like shedding heavy coats. My main concern is my youngest child and the devastating impact it’ll have on him but I can’t live like this forever, I’ve already stayed years too long out of fear of being able to live on the small salary I have, but lockdown has shown me how horrific this is.
      Unfortunately, social housing for me is a minimum three year wait, there just isn’t any housing stock and movement is very slow. And by three years I think that’s for the people at the top of the list, and that’s priority homeless. It’s shocking.
      Daisy Fairydust xx

    • #112700
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Hi Lottieblue

      I’m working with WA to get out but I’m on a waiting list for refuge in my area.
      I’ve came home, he’s gone out so to save another argument I made him something. He’s left it and gone out to buy something. Even though there is stuff here.
      I feel I get constantly asked where I’m going, where did I go and who did I meet.
      It’s so unfair on my kids.
      I am at the point now where I’m wondering if I should go to the police. It’s not physical but everything else is just getting me down. I’m at such a low ebb.
      My eldest told me they were so close to screaming at him and that he’s nasty!
      You are both right, he is!
      Xx

    • #112699
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Hi Lottieblue

      I’m working with WA to get out but I’m on a waiting list for refuge in my area.
      I’ve came home, he’s gone out so to save another argument I made him something. He’s left it and gone out to buy something. Even though there is stuff here.
      I feel I get constantly asked where I’m going, where did I go and who did I meet.
      It’s so unfair on my kids.
      I am at the point now where I’m wondering if I should go to the police. It’s not physical but everything else is just getting me down. I’m at such a low ebb.
      My eldest told me they were so close to screaming at him and that he’s nasty!
      You are both right, he is!
      Xx

    • #112256
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Thank you so much for this post, definitely needed.
      Another app i found out about is called Bright Sky – it looks like a weather app but helps you record evidence. I must admit I’m not consistent but you can add pictures, text and recordings to it and it emails you what you add to it. Victim Support mentioned an exclusion order but I know I’ll need lots of evidence if I’m going to do that.
      I have (detail removed by moderator) letters that I’ve written to him (detail removed by moderator) years ago, that outlined everything that relates to the emotional and financial control.
      A social worker I know was the one who pointed out that things weren’t right and I have been in denial stage for years but am finally starting to get the courage to break free.
      I’ve listed things in the emails to victim support, women’s aid and the centre for women’s rights, that counts. I’ve reported it to customer protection at the bank and have managed to get an account set up totally unlinked. And have now notified my employer and the GP.

      All the cloak and dagger stuff is very stressful, I had my first telephone chat with my support worker from Women’s Aid next to the (detail removed by moderator) at my brothers flat.

      I’m unsure about contacting the police, but I suppose if it’s part of the evidence trail then I have to give it consideration.

      Xx

       

       

    • #111833
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      Hi @lottieblue
      I’m so sorry to hear that you feel lost and unsupported. Talking does help, do you have a friend you can confide in? I’ve found one that has been brilliant, other so not so much. I’ve only recently reached out for help and have come so far in terms of what I’ve been able to achieve.
      Victim Support have been great, I have an allocated worker who messages me regularly and isn’t phased by my essay sized emails.
      Have you had any support from Women’s rights? I’ve found them particularly helpful too.
      You are not alone as both Twisted Sister and Catjam have said.
      It is a really confusing situation we are all in but to feel that you have no support from the agencies must leave you feeling a bit rubbish.
      I spoke to my GP, they did offer counselling but they felt is was a little generic and wondered if Women’s Aid had something more specific. I eventually told my employer recently and they have suggested I speak to HR as they may be able to signpost me to counselling. I’m still a bit of walls up at the moment and am just taking each week as it comes in terms of what I’m doing to break free, at the moment it still feels impossible and like a life time away.
      This whole pandemic has magnified everything we are going through and then some with our abusers, please keep talking on here.
      I’m a big advocate for self care too, it doesn’t have to be huge, it could even just be listening to your favourite song, have a cuppa or if you can five minutes alone in the bath, just something you can do that gives you a moment to breathe.
      Please Take care
      (name removed by Moderator)

    • #119970
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      We all have strength, strength when we’re enduring what we do at home, still raising children and carrying in with our day to day living, then strength when we leave.
      I am utterly shattered, my mind is blank, calm but blank. Living with abuse when in lockdown and both working from home takes it’s toll. My kids are angry, not at me, but at their dad for not moving out. Their contact is woeful, he’s giving them an hour of his time each week. He’s a vile human being and still thinks he’s done nothing wrong and that I’m making up stories. Thing is, I’ve told only a small handful of people about what has actually happened.
      Stay safe everyone xx

    • #119379
      Daisy Fairydust
      Participant

      I think that’s the wonderful thing about women’s aid, everything is take your time, do it in your own way. That’s how we fled too, I made sure the place was comfortable with some of our own bits and things that I’d bought without asking permission. I had the keys for a couple of weeks and when the moment was right did it.
      I’ve had a brilliant relationship with my bank, the bank manager even called me to talk through a couple of things. I need to contact another lawyer just so that I have a choice and get the ball rolling that way.
      But you’re right Hetty, it’s about small steps, doing things so as not to overwhelm. My gp has been amazing, I spoke to them last week and then the first one that I spoke to called the other day to check in and make sure I’m ok.
      I’m extremely fortunate to be surrounded by an amazing support network, I’m so grateful for that.
      Xx

Viewing 12 reply threads