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    • #18651
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Hi Rosie, this is terrible for you but I’m agreeing with SaharaD, get him out of the house and change the locks. Do not put yourself through this again. You can try an reason in your head why this happened after you get him removed from your home. Don’t let your children down, they need a strong mum not all that fighting and arguing again. It’s not your fault you know in your heart what he did is not acceptable, and he will try to win you round. Get rid of him and don’t look back. Good luck and be strong and determined.

    • #18647
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Hi I know how you feel. I was the same my ex raped me every time I tried to leave him. The last time he pushed his way into my flat and pinned me against the wall while he relieved himself, for the want of a better word, and he was on a non molestation order. I didn’t report it to the police because I couldn’t bring myself to even talk about it, if I did I know I was going to crumble. I had to shut it away inside my head for my own sanity. Not everyone would understand that.
      You will talk about things when you feel ready, don’t rush it.

    • #16380
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Not paranoid, just aware of their tactics. They will stop at nothing. Of course that’s why he is there.

    • #16379
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      I also agree, the whole negativity of the abusive relationship can make you physically ill as well as unhappy. Whilst I was with him I looked dreadful, my skin was dull and my face blotchy, I had constant headaches and I just wanted to sleep all the time. He would comment on how I looked which just gave him another reason to call me names. After going no contact I slowly started to change and my skin and health started to get better. A lot of people commented on how I looked different.
      However stupid me I started having contact with him again after he was released from prison. He played the pity card and I fell for it. But the same old problems arose again and I told him to leave me alone. So now I’m having the same struggles again, but I’ve noticed a change in myself. My face looks terrible, my skin and I’ve noticed more wrinkles. All the stress is playing a toll. Why did I go back to him when I knew he wouldn’t change.
      Sometimes I wonder if I even like myself.

    • #16374
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Oh dear, I feel for you. Just when you think your life starting again. It’s horrible living with the fear that he will do something. I used to suffer terrible nightmares every night because of fear of being attacked. Stay safe and don’t give him an inch.

    • #16372
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      I think you have to be very strong and able to answer a lot of questions if your going to tell the police about possible sexual abuse. I’m thinking it very difficult to prove as you were in a relationship with him. It is very wrong for these men to do these things to us, they see it as nothing or their ‘rights’. I went through the same thing with my ex, e every time I stood up to him or left him he always sexually assaulted me. But I could never gain the strength to report it.
      I’m not saying you shouldn’t but think carefully what it would mean for you. Think about yourself.

    • #16364
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Hi confused I will try that thanks. I’ve got a few books and they do help I’ve read them a few times. I think I need to talk about it, say out loud to someone what he put me through and help me understand why I tolerated it. I think if I let out all the bad things he did I might be able to move on and try and forget.

    • #16222
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Thanks I will do that. Even vaguely back to the old me would be good. It can only make me stronger I guess. Thanks.

    • #16213
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Hi suspicious. Seems like he is very bitter about how you seem to have got on with his life and his is not going well. Make him wait outside when he collects the children or drops off. Make a stand and show that’s its not acceptable behaviour.

    • #16207
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Thanks for the message and yes that what they are good at manipulation.
      When I went to visit him in prison he was the man I fell in love with all those years ago. When he was released he came to stay with us and I knew after the first night I had made a huge mistake. He got drunk and the old name calling and the accusations of sleeping around all started again. I asked him to leave and he wouldn’t. He eventually fell asleep. The next morning he apologised for his behaviour putting it down to freedom and alcohol. I accepted this reluctantly. Two days later it started again this time in front of our young daughter, I kept asking him to be quiet and he wouldn’t even though he could see she was upset. I asked him to leave again he refused, fell asleep again and yet again apologised the next morning. Same old life just like before. I told him to get out and don’t come back. He left but tried to return twice in that week and I wouldn’t open the door.
      I realised I had been conned by him almost immediately and I now question my own mental health around this man. I don’t want him in my life anymore and I’m determined not to fall for his chat ever again.
      But now I’m back to square one with SS and having to explain my actions to them. I made a promise that I wouldn’t let him back in our lives last year and I broke that promise and now I look like fool and they question wether I am able to keep my daughter safe! I’m even thinking about moving as a fresh start out of the area.
      What I find incredibly hard to believe is how they can switch from being normal to evil with no apparent reason or provocation?
      Here is a man who has now decided to punish me through my child and do his ultimate to have the child taken away, because he knows it would kill me. And this is the same man who hugged and kissed me just (detail removed by Moderator) months ago saying he wanted his family back and he would be a good man.
      I just don’t see how they operate so callously.

    • #5963
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Hi Ddub, these men never cease to amaze me how low they will stoop. What your going is of course his last tactic to stop you moving on from him. He is scum to put his own child through this, that’s his flesh and blood. He obviously doesn’t give a hoot for his emotional well being. When the truth comes out, and it will, don’t ever let that disgusting excuse for a man have access to your son, he don’t deserve it.
      My ex tried a similar thing to me but because our daughter was to young he couldn’t manipulate her. But this didn’t stop him calling the police, social services and family and friends. He told them I was allowing men to abuse my young daughter for money and drugs!!!!! I had visits from the police, SS, friends alienated me. And all because of his lies! But in the end the truth shone through. The police had no cause for alarm after visiting me unexpected on numerous occasions. Social services have no concerns with me as a parent it’s his behaviour that is in question.
      I will never understand why they go so far. Even if they are hurt by us leaving that’s no excuse for that madness.
      Stay strong dear and know that you will get your chance to put this right. And get back your son and try and help him. Xx

    • #5917
      deepblueeyes
      Participant

      Thanks ladies and Lisa.
      I’ve decided to leave things as they are for now, may eat Christmas he can get to see her for a while, but we will see what happens.
      I’m happy that my child is contented right now and like you advice, keep it that way for as long as you can.
      X

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