You feel like the vindictive one and are made to feel like that because these abusers are smart they only show us the abuse not anyone else. I do recommend cutting ties with him and all this for your own health. You should try moving on not by getting into a new relationship but taking time to heal and doing the things that you love. Spending time with friends and loved ones. You have been through one of the worst things (miscarriage) a woman can go through and as hard as it is to accept he obviously doesn’t care. But there are people in your life that DO care so focus on those and be kind to yourself. It absolutely wasn’t your fault.