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    • #151369
      Escapee
      Participant

      I worry about this question too.
      I’m so concerned I’ll meet another abuser I question everything and believe that I need to be smart and think how they do so I don’t fall for it again. The rational side of me puts my foot down and tells me to quit thinking about playing games and be the emotionally mature adult I used to be but trust comes hard.
      I won’t looking for a relationship because of this.
      Have you got a therapist that you can talk through how you are feeling and help guide you?

    • #151368
      Escapee
      Participant

      Oh hang in there you brave strong woman!
      You are where I was several years ago. Believe in yourself…..you have been strong all these years so you KNOW that deep down you have the resilience and strength to get through this next bit. Dig deep, I promise it’s there.
      I can’t offer practical advice other than talk to your GP (mine was a star) as I just packed up and left…..I had no real financial ties (house etc) just a little money to buy me time.
      Good luck from one escapee to another xx

    • #151327
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi HBB
      I feel the same. I’ve been out for a few years now and even though I would love to find a special someone the thought of dating scares me silly and sex…..you must be joking !
      I’m a twitchy mess around men….my poor neighbour must think I’m very strange as I can never escape quick enough 😂 (I laugh but it’s quite an obstacle 🙄)
      I’m curious how other survivors have navigated this minefield too.

    • #151326
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi stronglife

      A sister escapee here.
      I’ve given up with others “getting it” – we know what we endured and that’s all that matters really (though an understanding sounding board can be a wonderful thing too have!)

      I too am still putting myself back together. When I feel frustrated with my health and the anxiety and depression I sit with it and think about the road I’ve travelled and I realise that I am winning; slowly but surely.

      We need to remember to be kind and patient with ourselves 💜

    • #151318
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi
      I was unable to get help from WA ….they were overwhelmed and I had no young children so I was not a priority. However, my GP was amazing, as was the unemployment office.
      Do you have to stay in the city? Could you go to family or friends temporarily so you can start to heal and rebuild? Being with those that love and care about you would be invaluable, especially when you first leave. I didn’t have this and in hindsight it would have helped enormously.
      Wishing you so much strength x

    • #151312
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi findingnemo

      You leave by taking a deep breath, dig down deep for that last ounze of strength and then you walk.

      Good luck you amazing and brave woman

    • #151311
      Escapee
      Participant

      I hate to back up all the articles but no they can’t/don’t change.
      I tried with mine again after a few years apart. I caught him pull himself together a few times so it was still there (and it proved he could control it when it suited him) but I had changed. He ended it this time but when I talked about it with my therapist she congratuled me! I’d developed and stuck to my boundaries. He couldn’t handle that I no longer jumped to his commands and that I had a life. I was no longer easy to manipulate and he was no longer in control.
      So I’m finally emotionally as well as physical free. No more guilt for me carry.

    • #138198
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi chocolatebunnie,

      Please don’t be afraid to reach out….the support out there for you is vast, especially as you have children.

      Once you’re ready to ask for help, your GP and all the others involved will be invaluable.

      If you don’t feel safe to open up to your GP you could try Mind. They have helped me enormously.

    • #138124
      Escapee
      Participant

      🤗💕

    • #112779
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi Random,

      It’s frustrating and so unfair isn’t it.

      Please reach out to a professional about the depression. It can consume you and put you in a terrible place. At one point I was so disconnected from who I am I couldn’t even feel love for my children.

      From talking to other women, some of us have stayed strong and kept no contact, whilst others have allowed themselves to dip in and out.

      He’ll never really understand what he has done to you. I don’t think any of them do. Maybe with years of reflection it might happen but I’m certainly not holding my breath. Mine shook me to the core when he told me I had been cruel to him…..I knew then to just shut up as I was just hurting myself more by trying to get validation from someone who could never do that.

      I’ve been on my own for a while now but I’m still not over my ex. Each time I faulter, I realise that it can never be. He will never change and I’m too exhausted and wrecked to be able to play his games any more.

      Whether you push through the pain of no contact or go through the tortuous process of the slow disentanglement is only something you can decide. Which ever way you choose no one here will judge you as we all understand how complicated and painful the healing process is.

      Have you read Healing from hidden abuse? It’s well worth a read (and several more reads) to help you understand.

      My love and strength to you xx

    • #151335
      Escapee
      Participant

      Thank you for shining the torch in the direction of hope 🤗

    • #138196
      Escapee
      Participant

      Thank you Golden.
      No, that wasn’t trite at all. To look to our blessings and our wins, however small, is so important to our sanity.

      Good luck with your escape……the grass is definitely greener and the roses smell wonderful 😉💕

    • #138194
      Escapee
      Participant

      Thank you Searchingforhope.

      I truly hope you get all your wishes.

      You will find that extra dose of strength when the time is right. Remember, you are already incredibly strong to cope with what you’re dealing with…..and extra strong to be able to offer kindness and support to others like you have to me in your reply. 💕

    • #138132
      Escapee
      Participant

      Thank you 💕
      That is wonderfully sensible and heartfelt advice.

      I am yet to conquer the anxiety but I am ok on my own. My home is warm and safe; money….not a lot but I’m not in debt; health….working on it.

      I tell myself that a few years can’t heal several decades and to be patient.

      And you are so very right; the younger me would not be cautious about life but the older me is wiser.

    • #112643
      Escapee
      Participant

      Thank you so much my lovely eggshells.
      Your wise words were exactly what I needed to hear xxxx

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