gentlewoman

[gentlewoman]

thank you all so much.
I am trying all you have suggested. I have recently started fogging a reply on email (eg we are all aware of the importance of xyz) and have looked up grey rock method and also informed him I will only look at it once the day before I return the children to him and the day they return to him. I will consider getting someone else to receive the messages on my behalf without him knowing and then they can forward them to me in their own words.
I have tried ringing the kids before and received phone put down, superdad playing with one child in the background ( but no sign of other one) and straight to answer phone. Yet him and his mum initiate text every day to my son’s mobile. Now my son is very tense about our paths crossing whether in person or on the phone even though I have tried to make things friendlier in the past.
I have also refused to play the spreadsheet game where he buys something (not even needed) for one child and then tells me to pay for one for the other child as I feel pushed into a corner without any choice. He has a very well paid job and I am part time so not financially equal at all ( I think he earns more than 2/3 more than me net a month)
I have had dv counselling (20 sessions) but when I got a letter from a professional backing up some of the things he said about me it knocked me for 6. It is easy to go to the opposite extreme and think it is all his fault and I am not rubbish at any of this but trying to get a balanced view of one’s good points and bad points is very difficult for me. and actually setting myself some goals is hard on my own too.
I so worry when I stuff up with a friend they are going to say but “you really are what he said you were like after all” and I would loose a friend again.
I have contacted the solicitor again and sent her a list of the recent inflexibilities and nibbling around the edges of the court orders and asked if she will keep my file open until there is enough to go back to court. I have set up a meeting with dv and anxiety support from a local women’s organisation too because it is so hard dealing with this on my own. People tell me to ignore it or put distance between me and him but how when it happens week by week. Ignoring or protesting don’t make any difference and the status quo stays the same. I don’t think I can move nearer to my family as we have 50/50 care. Sometimes all I can do is talk and talk about it but I can never get any further forward with the situation and I feel he knows just how to entangle me and as I am the one with the anxiety problems and he is so plausible and professional and quick, he comes across much more believable than me and he has an answer for everything and tends to exaggerate and overgeneralise every small indiscretion. It is so unreasonable and unfair on me and still so controlling over what we do as a family and when and seems to have no idea that this indirectly affects our beautiful children.

[gentlewoman]

Thank you but have tried the contact book but it was thrown out by judge
Contact happens only thru email.
We agreed in court to alternate handover times on Sundays so we could both take them to church but he now takes them on sat night
GPs has been aware from start and helped me get legal aid.
I don’t have local family although he does and they are clones.
He refuses to accept communication via anyone else.
As I say unreasonable.

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