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    • #80074
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      I’m glad to hear that you made it threw kip, I am getting there, I will keep trying till I get threw to them, thankyou

    • #80002
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      Thank you, it’s nice to know someone is listening. We Already have children, that’s the hard part, he’s just so nice at times, and when it’s nice it’s easy to forget the issues I face, but as soon as we’re in a good place there he is, it’s like as soon as I’m finding my feet and I’m standing on my own he is back to put me in my place, make me question myself, then I get so consumed with life at home, I can’t think about all the things I want to do, and my brain just locks off, I’ve tried so many times to ring the helpline but it’s so difficult to get threw, I know that I want to end r relationship, but he doesn’t see that there is anything wrong and neither does anyone else, everyone assumes we’re great together, and I feel low because there going to talk and there going to say I’ve let him down, when he needs me the most, I think he knows that I may be weak but my love has gone, and he must be able to feel that, I’ve spent (detail removed by moderator) years in this, feeling like I’m not good enough, the amount of time we’ve been out I can count on 1 hand, I used to think it was me, he was right, I was fat, I was jealous of him, but I know now that it’s not me, and for a few years I’ve slowly picked myself up, trying to convince myself that I’m gonna be ok without him, it’s the guilt of leaving, how he’s gonna feel, I can’t seem to put me first and it’s so frustrating

    • #63011
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      I would not want him around without them maybe years ago but now it’s just a relationship because I’m still here, I don’t doubt that I care for him, wich is y I’m still here as when I try to leave he threatens suicide, but I’m suffering and suffocating I am not me I don’t even think I could begin to find out who I actually am, I’m in a long nightmare with no where to run, and no money to help, when I tried to leave last time I was fully in control of my finances but since then he’s made sure that I am dependent as that’s his last weapon, I don’t want to upset my children as he will use them against me he will take one of them or tell them that mommy made all this happen that’s y u don’t have a dad anymore
      That’s not something I can deal with, I just don’t have the strength anymore

    • #51589
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      Hi lovely, I can relate to what your saying, it’s so hard to be in the heated moments, not knowing when it’s gonna end, do u trust your family enough to walk out when they walk out, once my friend put me in the boot of his car as I ran out the house bare feet, lucky he was just leaving, he took me to my dads home, anything is an option if u can do it with people there so they can keep you safe

    • #51588
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      I don’t speak with my partner, I try to but he always interrupts and makes it about him, like I haven’t had a hard day, I’m not tired or poorly or anything he is always got to be more or worse off, like it’s not a competition I’m just trying to make conversation, he told me in are last disagreement that he shouts at me to shut me up, so now I don’t even try to talk, he still talk a lot about himself I make a fake giggle or hmm or yes or no, he knows I am a chatty person but over the years he has made me believe I have nothing interesting to say and I’m boring y else would he dismiss all I have to say, I no now it’s not me, and that’s my upper hand, I’m ok I’m funny I’m loving I like to chat just not with him anymore, get a better convo talking to myself in the mirror 😊

    • #51587
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      I think that u just get the hang of not treating yourself as u don’t deserve it, it won’t make u look better or feel better as that’s what gets drilled into you, i on the other hand am a spender, buy anyone anything, the last new thing I had was years ago, I saw some comments on here a lady asking what have you brought yourself lately? Maybe u could start with a new lipstick or a new pen to keep ur thoughts, something that makes u feel good inside, doesn’t need to be expensive, I hope u can get threw to your daughter, just be there and hold her hand let her no ur there.😊

    • #51574
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      My partner also involves r children when he’s on one, and in the moment they are upset and won’t leave my side as they can hear him and he’s the only one mad, but when it calms they ask me things like why did u tell daddy to leave it why won’t you let daddy stay here, and it’s just what they put in there head, he told my son I don’t love him, wich was very hurtful he’s a teenager now and is always by my side, he sees and hears, but my girls love there daddy and are to young to understand the ins and outs, maybe you could get her some counselling or if she’s old enough get her a diary, explaining that if she’s got any thought to write them down, I use a worry monster for my daughter she puts her worries in his mouth and he eats them, obviously we discuss the issue, she gets very upset at bedtime, and is like a toddler but she’s nearly Finished junior school

    • #51570
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      Yes it does make sense, I have bought myself a book to write in, I think I do overlook red flags when he’s being nice, and only see them when the drama unfolds, so for my piece of mind I am going to try and write it all down, I am a strong woman and I refuse to be belittled and made to feel uncomfortable in my own home, i matter my life matters😊

    • #51514
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      My partner has done that to me had a new girlfriend in minutes because he was already with her, she stayed with him at his mums, and she accepted it because he’s a grown man, she was the one who told me about it, but I didn’t want to course a fight so I signed up for Facebook and there it was all over been in a relationship for 3 months, I was jealous angry and hurt, and I let him no that, so he finished with her, and we got back together, years later I’m still stuck in this relationship, I hope u can’t get threw this time all my love to you

    • #51512
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      Hi existingsoul
      I’m new here too, so glad I have found this place, really helps you get yourself in a good place, we are all here for the same reason, and we don’t judge. Hope you are well, we are all here for you

    • #51511
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      I see that it makes sense, it wasn’t so bad actually, but it’s them things that make me feel like he is a nice person, and he is but I forget about the bad stuff for a while then let my guard down,I want to be strong and keep my guard up this time, I don’t no if I love him if I’m honest, I’m attached to him feel like I’d be lost without him, I like how I feel when he holds me, I used to be crazy about him, but now I don’t no if I even no what love is anymore, I mean I thought I did, one day I feel so far away from reality like a zombie can’t think strate and I wanna run for the hills, next I’m wondering how I’m gonna make this work for us, so confused

    • #51486
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      Thank you I find it so difficult as I no that I do love him but I see him now if that makes sense, but I feel as tho I am doing to him what he does to me with holding myself my affection my love then I feel bad for not giving enough to r relationship, sounds stupid

    • #51485
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      i matter, my life matters
      That’s my quote, I say it a lot lately it’s my voice from within standing up for myself

    • #51483
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      There is no cycle in my relationship either, he’s never actually hit me, threatened too many times, and once put his hands round my throat, but he’s never been sorry because he says I caused it so y does he need to, I’m the one that always gets us back on track, we have never been out in public together maybe once or twice for dinner, and been out of r city, but never where we would see anyone, I’ve never felt a honeymoon stage, except once when he worked away for a week, they are the same but the cycle is different, I don’t do anything now, I stay home I make sure I answer the phone if he rings, I don’t have any friends I don’t have a job, so it’s a lot less now than it used to be, because I’m where he wants me to be and most importantly who he wants me to be, they are unpredictable

    • #51475
      Greyskydarkdays
      Participant

      It may seem hard but stay strong, you don’t want to be decades in then wishing that time he walked out I wish I’d have stayed away, trust me if I could go back to the day he walked out I’d be a different person now, but instead I’m lonely no friends hate myself can’t do anything right can’t think for myself the list goes on, he will do anything to get you to come bk, I hope u have the strength to stay away good luck to you, keep smiling

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