Headcook

[Headcook]

Hello

Please get hold of a copy of the book

Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft

It explains how and why
Honestly best book I ever read
You will think the book is written for you like I and many on here that have read this book
You will get there
We all leave at different stages

Take care of you

HC. X

[Headcook]

Thank you lovely ladies

So many I remember

Well I held off and things settled no further news on mother
So the panic was over subscribed to me I feel I’m so glad I held back and did not go running
One can’t help but suspect that was infact what I was expected to do as previous.
Sorry family but I’m not that daughter that used to be there taking what ever was thrown at me
I’m proud of me

Think maybe my gut will tell me when her true end is close
Then I will decide
Until then I continue to look out for me and my health

Thank you lovely ladies
Happy new year. HC. X

[Headcook]

Lisa thank you for remembering me
Twisted sister thank you also
And the other 2 lovely ladies that have replied

It is infact guilt and duty that I would be putting myself back there

All I ever wanted was a mum
This she was never consistent off never quite made it
Her abuse of me was just as brutal as the abuse from my own grown up son and numerous x partners
I now live on my own and it’s (detail removed by Moderator) years since I stopped living with my son
(detail removed by Moderator) years since I walked away from her abuse and I can’t take anymore
Thanking you all for not making me feel a bad person for not wanting to go see her I can’t allow her to give fake apologies and excuses and exonerate herself of any guilt or blame
I can’t be sucked into her world
And I don’t want to feel ashamed for not being there for the last (detail removed by Moderator) years
This always was and remains a safe space we’re you are understood
So thank you all HC x

[Headcook]

Ahh the silent treatment
Makes you feel worthless and invisible

Sadly that’s what they want you to feel
Shocking way to treat another human being let alone someone they say they love and care about

I used to be elated each time just because he spoke to me. !!

Keep moving forward baby steps to a better place.
So sorry you are worth far more you deserve far more.

Much love
Hc.

[Headcook]

Hi

Agree with diy mum

You have done nothing wrong here except try and be a good friend
She has gas lighted you implying you are the problem
Please don’t feel bad and try and stay away from them

Hc

[Headcook]

Thank you.

Today has been worst day yet I’m off on sick from work. And all I’ve done is cry and have panic and anxiety.

The Breathing is scary.
Have reached out for mental health support I need to speak with someone process this no how to manage all this.
They seemed to get me. Said I was very clear what I needed and that made her clear what she had to try and organise for me
She even phoned me back to say they were working as hard as they could for me as they are very concerned for me. Even text Samaritans phone no for the weekend
They phoning again Monday.

It’s just day to day stuff all to much
Like my phone going and it shows my mum phoning well she discarded me 5 years ago a narc I believe she is now.
Haven’t seen her no contact now today. !

Why now why today.
I need to heal she won’t help me heal I will be replacing abuse from son with her
Can’t do her
Won’t do her.
How dare she do this now.

Sorry it’s not abuse I’m suffering but all this is I suppose a consequence of years of misery.

Hc.

[Headcook]

Thank you.

Being on here I always felt very alone with my type of abuse
Adult child to parent abuse.

My support worker always says the dynamics are very different to partner/husband abuse
They are your blood.
I have had to deal with the abuse and the fact he is my son 2 very different things running alongside each other both pulling you in separate directions him being my son usually the winner hence so many years of abuse

I had reached the lowest point with the abuse so this became bigger than him being my son
I had to get away the time had come else I fear I would not make it. I truly believe this

Kip thank you for always being there you are the one whom most associated with me with your experience with your son
Do you no what I finally now can say abuse is abuse no matter who the perpetrator is.
Is all wrong and so damaging to your very being.
You fear the other side kip but the other side is far better than you can ever imagine

Thank you all.

Hc

[Headcook]

Thanks

I feel a different woman

I have a long way to go but the lights are on inside.

Going to look at councilling and I’m still getting calls from my support worker which I’m thankful for.
The calls are also different content although they do still trigger me !
I’m still scared of son I’m aware of this when I’m around him or If he contacts me via text I have to reply straight away for fear of his wrath for taking to long
I am aware of these feelings and am being told this is engrained and will take time to subside if maybe never when dealing with him

Over all it’s so much better.

Hc.

[Headcook]

Thank you.

It’s been nearly couple of months and I’m gaining strength.
Never thought I would be able to say that. !

I’m in shock the relief I feel
I actually smile
I’m waking up

Still feel distant to my son don’t trust don’t feel safe around him so I’m limiting the time
There are days I crave to see him
There are days I doubt what happened
Was it abuse or did we just not get on did he just infact not like me
Felt he had to punish me for being a bad parent to him.
I wasn’t. !

To all those that doubt you will feel better
You actually do.

Well I am starting too.

Hc

[Headcook]

I’m in my flat
It was very emotional day and I didn’t sleep well
Was sat on my balcony at 4am watching it get light
I am numb
But I’m here

[Headcook]

Kip
Thank you
He’s so convincing the pull is there
Can he really change that quickly
I’ve spoken of the abuse he’s inflicted to me cold and empty yes he knows and it must be horrible for me was reply
Am I falling for the same old him dressed up as mr nice
Is he in fact trying to silence me

I’m leaving here couple of days my friend has been amazing
This house never was a home now it’s a constant reminder so the move needs to just happen now
I’m not ready I wish I could say I was
But there is no choice

Hc

[Headcook]

They have gone yes

I’m alone now
He’s being all nice accommodating but it doesn’t feel like I thought it would

It’s so hard to keep going.

Hc

[Headcook]

Thank you

Living together was a mistake can’t undo that now when it was good it was good
My support worker often says a home with an abuser in the mix affects all that live there and his partner didn’t no where she found herself prob
His manipulating of us both triangulating us for his own needs was very strong at the end

When you have lived with his treatment for many years like I did it’s ingrained the dysfunction of it all
I don’t really think him just being plain awful is a true reflection of the misery this has caused me
Living in fear of your own son when a Person can say they will stab you they want to kill you Multiple times is someone just being awful I would say there is something more to it
Drawing a line under it if only it was that easy we wouldn’t need this amazing forum
When we reach new stages in our own personal experiences
He’s still being very selfish and this is very raw for me but still he persists with his control to hoover me back in as he sees he’s loosing his effect on me
I want to believe this new him
But can someone really change that quick in a couple of days after well over a decade of his abuse I would say not
He’s volatile to be around you can’t think straight you can’t breathe
You feel silenced by him unworthy
A switch just flips in him and all had to jump to attention
He clearly has to work on himself his anger his violent outbursts to people only he can recognise this because this is so not ok to treat people
I will be working towards not allowing not accepting this from him ever again
I’m not angry I’m in despair my body is in pain from the years of being his emotional punch bag
But this was always going to end like this
There was no other way for this to end
I’ve managed this For far too long with him

Hc.

[Headcook]

More confused today

I’ve seen him every day
Each time nice

I’ve said to his face you’ve abused me for years
He said he knows

He’s made a decision not to do it further as we no longer Live together
He’s not rowing with me
I’ve said stop stop including me in this
I’ve done nothing
He seems to really believe this
It’s only couple days and he’s here mr holier than though
How dare he minimise this
This was real it still is real

I’m getting ready to leave myself there still lots still lots to do
I’m lonely and sad
And insulted

Hc

[Headcook]

He doesn’t need me for childcare it’s so he doesn’t have to entertain care for the child
It’s always been this way since partner started job
He just spends the time on his phone

I feel for child so feel stuck in the middle
Years of feeling obliged years of give give and nothing in return
Moving out means moving out and all that comes with that
He plays on it is my grandchild

Hc

[Author]

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