IAmGoodEnough

[IAmGoodEnough]

Thank you
It’s so hard to know whether to stay small to keep the peace in the hopes it will be easier to leave or stand up for myself, risk things getting worse but at least I won’t slip back into staying because its easier when he is calm.

I just can’t deal with him being on my case all the time again and looking over my shoulder all the time.

[IAmGoodEnough]

And don’t get me started on 50 shades of grey….sends me cold

[IAmGoodEnough]

Dr Shefai Tsabury has a lot to say about this. She wrote a book recently called the Radical Awakening which is specific to women and how society and cultures have programmed us and how to break away from that.

Alot of song lyrics are just plain toxic and that whole concept of finding our other half, not being whole unless we have someone else is bullsh*t.

If we can’t feel whole without another person we just end up in these toxic relationships. We need to learn that no one else can make us happy and it is not our job to make anyone else happy either.

If we can’t love ourselves no one else can either right?

[IAmGoodEnough]

Thank you Lisa
Yes it was very reassuring. I am still scared stiff everytime I think about it. It is so surreal. But I guess its time to put on my big girl pants if I ever want to have a life for myself.

[IAmGoodEnough]

Yes I tried it. Be prepared to purge emotionally and be sure you have a good practitioner as it brings everything to the surface and can be quite traumatic if they don’t know what they are doing.

I used to say it felt like a spa treatment because I had never felt so relaxed. But I have never cried so much in my life. It basically removes all conscious barriers and taps straight into your subconscious so all those coping mechanisms are removed.

I had already done a lot of work before I went and had no hidden suppressed memories.

(Detail removed by moderator).

Also my therapist was very spiritual and believed that death isn’t something to fear (detail removed by moderator) which even if I believe that to some extent was not particularly helpful in this situation lol.

I think it depends on you and what you are comfortable with. I did love it but seeing a very good talk therapist how has spiritual understanding was much more effective for me.

Hope this helps x

[IAmGoodEnough]

@littlerobin I used to have vivid dreams about children screaming at me and destroying my house, laughing in my face. All stopped when I dealt with my inner child…..turns out she was really f***ing angry at me for not protecting her lol

Good luck with it.

Did Reiki help? I have considered it but not tried yet. I saw a hypnotherapist a few times but she was too expensive.

[IAmGoodEnough]

@nbumblebee that is perfectly understandable after that kind of childhood. Our subconscious is extremely powerful especially when it is trying to protect us.

It might help to know that for me the inner child is the feeling I get in my solar plexus or gut. I can literally see her curled up there when I am feeling fear or shame. But we are all different, it worked for me but it was difficult and painful at first and I don’t have childhood trauma to process anywhere near the level you do.

I will say that my therapist has made it clear that there is only so much healing I can do while I am in this relationship. There are certain issues we don’t deal with because he is worried about opening wounds when my home life is so unsafe.

Good luck with it but I know you will be able to heal when you are ready and not before. It’s a process.

[IAmGoodEnough]

Not at all ridiculous. Although I avoided it for ages because I thought it was so cliché lol

My therapist insisted on it and it changed so much for me. I didn’t even have a bad childhood but I constantly have to watch for my inner child reaction now because it tells me so much.

We all have an inner parent, adult and child and that dynamic inside us influences everything outside us.

Right now I am recognising that my inner child doesn’t believe she is important enough to demand what she wants. She is so conditioned to not make a fuss or show any emotional needs that it is a big reason why I can’t seem to take the step to leave.

Do some reading and see if it works for you though. See a good therapist if possible though. Best thing I ever did for myself
Best of luck xx

[IAmGoodEnough]

Also right there with you. I know I want to leave. I have done so much healing in the last year but I am so lonely it hurts. My therapist told me last time I saw him that I have gone as far as I can while within the relationship. It is time to start taking action. But it’s like a psychological brick wall. I just can’t seem to take that leap. I don’t know what is stopping me. I am sick of thinking about it every second of every day. It does feel so impossible.

But don’t ever say you are not strong. We all know first hand how much strength it takes to live like this and not give up. To deal with what we deal with day after day. To put one foot in front of the other.

This will get better for all of us.
Keep your head up xx

[IAmGoodEnough]

Thanks Kip
Yes you are right. I had forgotten this feeling…like nausea in my whole body. I keep seeing that look on his face in my head and its like an old nightmare returning. I can’t believe I forgot how bad this was. It has been so long I was starting to believe I was making it up. I know people talk about the abuse cycle but we have been in the good behaviour bit for years.

My abuse team support worker has the children’s team on standby to ensure the kids get counselling once we are safe but I can’t do anything until then as the risk of them letting on to him is too high. I have been having therapy for nearly a year which has helped me get to this point but things had been so calm at home I was working with q false sense of security I think.

[IAmGoodEnough]

Oh also Melanie Tonia Evans How To Thrive After N********** Abuse was pivotal for me. I will clarify though that the n**c thing is irrelevant. I have no clue nor care why my husband does the things he does. The book helped me regardless.

[IAmGoodEnough]

@nbumblebee the most useful book I found around meditation is Bliss More by Light Watkins. Of all the books it is the easiest read and simplest method and the one I use most now.

I am no expert I can only tell you what has worked for me. Firstly the whole inner child thing can be a bit distracting. Like searching for something you have no context for. I know when I first started out I realised I didn’t even know what my emotions were, I couldn’t name them or pinpoint them at all. It was like I was drowning in panic and anxiety. There is a book called The Language of Emotions by Klara McLaran which helped plus Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown and Emotional Agility by Susan David.

I had to be able to understand how I was feeling in any given moment before I could understand my triggers. The triggers are clues to your subconscious programming and your inner child.

I hope this helps. I truly believe getting control of my own reactions made the biggest difference.

[IAmGoodEnough]

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You will get there. You will find something that clicks and makes sense for you. There are so many healing modalities and books and advice out there.

Personally I think I have tried and read them all. I even taught myself astrology. I already read tarot. Everything helped in its own way. But for me the more traditional therapies seemed to be the most effective with a bit of the more spiritual stuff mixed in.

You will get there xx

[IAmGoodEnough]

@auriel warriors with big open hearts 💕

[IAmGoodEnough]

Haha I have many times said mine is like an extremely large toddler. The kids refer to him as a man child because of his tantrums and how ridiculously unreasonable he is.

I used to excuse his lack of empathy by saying I thought he was autistic. My son nearly drowned once afterwards my husband just stood and stared stonefaced at me while I fell apart…sobbing shaking barely able to stand. A random man ended up walking round my husband and pulled me into a massive hug until I calmed down. It was at that point that I realised this wasn’t normal.

If I try to discuss my work or anything that doesn’t include him he literally walks out of the room and shuts the door in my face.

You are not alone. I promise you x

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