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Should have added that my feelings got so down that I reached for the wine. It’s important for me not to have much alcohol because of my illness and being (detail removed by moderator) through medication. So it’s a big thing that I did but feel more confidant that I won’t again in such a way so thank you 🙏 x

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Thanks again KIP. I’ve re read your replies a few times this morning. You have helped me to be calmer. The sentence where you say ‘thinking backwards is depressing and thinking forward can cause anxiety’ is so true and really reverberated with me. My puppy is such an amazing thing to finally have after years of yearning. Plus being so much closer to my daughter and family is beyond amazing. I will try to do as you say thanks again ( last night I drunk three quarters of a bottle of wine for the first time for an age as I haven’t wanted to)

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Thank you KIP for your quick reply even though I didn’t look last night after posting. The reason she told me is because of the (detail removed by moderator) business and financial side which hasn’t been sorted yet. She is also the (detail removed by moderator). My solicitor has said to see what his prognosis is. Strangely going to puppy classes seems to have triggered me also. Everyone including the trainer is very nice but I feel not good enough again. Also her teaching style is  (detail removed by moderator) which seems to have also caused feelings of sadness

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Hi Spices
I’ve just read your post and first of all I wanted to reassure you that there are other senior ladies on the forum including me.
It’s so very hard to get your head around it isn’t it? I have recently left a few months ago after (detail removed by moderator) I got to the point that I couldn’t face staying a moment longer. I’m sure other ladies will be along to offer you support and advice. I don’t yet feel that I have enough experience yet. I do though want to say well done for posting it takes strength to do that first post x

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So an update on the divorce process. I have heard from my solicitor that he didn’t (detail removed by moderator). If the (detail removed by moderator) appointment. That made me feel like I have before….Yesterday I had a letter from my (detail removed by moderator) in support of the divorce. Hit me hard and the fear came back. I’ve emailed my solicitor this morning to ask for a phone call. I’m so scared that the divorce won’t happen….

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You’ve already had very good advice but I just wanted to put my experience forward so far. When I left I was lucky to move well away but even so I was still frightened of what he might say. Getting texts from him was so upsetting but although they made me feel bad I didn’t respond to them. I got some great advice on here from some lovely ladies and a couple of friends and they fielded them. Eventually I got to the point that I could block him which has been such a good thing for me. Going no contact has been so good for me and I can’t say how important it is to give yourself that space from him. It gives you breathing space to cut that off. It’s not easy and I’m finding ups and downs but the ‘ups’ are getting longer and they will for you too

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Hi Camel
I just had to reply to your post. Every single thing you said is so true. There wasn’t a part of it that I didn’t agree with. Also your post came at just the right time for me as I’ve been struggling a bit recently. I’m waiting to see if he is going to follow up with defending the divorce. So thank you for posting this!

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Hi Lottie blue saw this post about you having left and wanted to say very well done! It’s so hard but you’ve done it. I agree with what Kip has said. Give yourself some space to start to heal, you’ve proved how strong you really are (although I know that it doesn’t always feel that way) xx

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Thanks Kip. Yes I am divorcing on (detail removed by Moderator) grounds. (detail removed by Moderator) which as far as I was concerned and my counsellor ( who I’ve been seeing for (detail removed by Moderator) years) wasn’t right. Also claimed I’d gone on anti depression meds after my dad died. Which was totally wrong. I’ve been on them for longer than that. So we went ahead (detail removed by Moderator). Now he’s ticked the box that says (detail removed by Moderator). So a waiting period to see if he follows through within the (detail removed by Moderator) weeks he has to do so. I’m not sure but I think he’s probably representing himself.. My solicitor is now out of the office until next week when she said if I wanted to ask anything I could. She has a lot of experience with domestic abuse cases. I went to see her earlier in the year to find out about going for divorce before I left a few months later. Thank you for reminding me that he wants to scare me. It worked unfortunately…..but this morning it’s receded some

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Thank you Camel for your reply. I haven’t replied to him and yes you’re right that is exactly what I would like, but I know deep down that will never happen.
I had another text last night. Possibly triggered by my friend letting him know that the (removed by moderator). Sent it though to my friend who said it was belittling, quite aggressive and demeaning. Designed to hurt. So I have decided to block him. A bit surprised by the feeling of relief after. Also sadness that I have to as I do wanted it to be as you said. It’s made a big difference sharing his texts and getting other trusted peoples reactions. Finally opening up about the emotional abuse for so many years when I thought it was all me

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That is such a strong thing to say. I’m going to write that down so I can look at it when I’m struggling. Thank you x

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I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. It’s so hard and painful to say goodbye to our special companions. I will be thinking of you x

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Hi Lottieblue
Thank you. I appreciate it x
I’ve been watching your progress for the last few months and although I haven’t replied I’m willing you on your path x

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Thank you so much for your support. It means a lot. So I’ve had another text which I forwarded to my friend as suggested. Then I stupidly looked at it as I felt stronger.. Basically said he deserved a right to know after so long married. Also that I’ve listened to ‘others’ and not made the decision myself. He said he was sorry that was the case. I was really annoyed and found it quite insulting although I guess I’m not surprised by it. After all I’ve always done what he said before….. Part of me wants to reply that it is my decision and to try to stay amicable through it. Part of me knows there’s no point because he’ll only see what he thinks. Help! Should I stay no contact or try to explain that we have different perspectives etc….

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Thank you both for your replies. I have to admit they brought tears to my eyes. It’s all made worse as well by the the fact that there is livestock involved that I can’t see too. That hurts as well. It’s a complicated thing for sure. I’m so grateful for your answers it means a lot and I certainly will come back on the forum. I’ve been reading a lot on here and books for some time. In my first post I asked if it was abuse and the answer I had then really helped me. So many of us and so good that we can talk on here. Thank you xx

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