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    • #119669
      Imagine
      Participant

      Hi Spices
      I’ve just read your post and first of all I wanted to reassure you that there are other senior ladies on the forum including me.
      It’s so very hard to get your head around it isn’t it? I have recently left a few months ago after (detail removed by moderator) I got to the point that I couldn’t face staying a moment longer. I’m sure other ladies will be along to offer you support and advice. I don’t yet feel that I have enough experience yet. I do though want to say well done for posting it takes strength to do that first post x

    • #117592
      Imagine
      Participant

      So an update on the divorce process. I have heard from my solicitor that he didn’t (detail removed by moderator). If the (detail removed by moderator) appointment. That made me feel like I have before….Yesterday I had a letter from my (detail removed by moderator) in support of the divorce. Hit me hard and the fear came back. I’ve emailed my solicitor this morning to ask for a phone call. I’m so scared that the divorce won’t happen….

    • #116734
      Imagine
      Participant

      You’ve already had very good advice but I just wanted to put my experience forward so far. When I left I was lucky to move well away but even so I was still frightened of what he might say. Getting texts from him was so upsetting but although they made me feel bad I didn’t respond to them. I got some great advice on here from some lovely ladies and a couple of friends and they fielded them. Eventually I got to the point that I could block him which has been such a good thing for me. Going no contact has been so good for me and I can’t say how important it is to give yourself that space from him. It gives you breathing space to cut that off. It’s not easy and I’m finding ups and downs but the ‘ups’ are getting longer and they will for you too

      Imagine x

    • #116733
      Imagine
      Participant

      Hi Camel
      I just had to reply to your post. Every single thing you said is so true. There wasn’t a part of it that I didn’t agree with. Also your post came at just the right time for me as I’ve been struggling a bit recently. I’m waiting to see if he is going to follow up with defending the divorce. So thank you for posting this!

      Imagine

    • #115709
      Imagine
      Participant

      Hi Lottie blue saw this post about you having left and wanted to say very well done! It’s so hard but you’ve done it. I agree with what Kip has said. Give yourself some space to start to heal, you’ve proved how strong you really are (although I know that it doesn’t always feel that way) xx

    • #115708
      Imagine
      Participant

      Thanks Kip. Yes I am divorcing on (detail removed by Moderator) grounds. (detail removed by Moderator) which as far as I was concerned and my counsellor ( who I’ve been seeing for (detail removed by Moderator) years) wasn’t right. Also claimed I’d gone on anti depression meds after my dad died. Which was totally wrong. I’ve been on them for longer than that. So we went ahead (detail removed by Moderator). Now he’s ticked the box that says (detail removed by Moderator). So a waiting period to see if he follows through within the (detail removed by Moderator) weeks he has to do so. I’m not sure but I think he’s probably representing himself.. My solicitor is now out of the office until next week when she said if I wanted to ask anything I could. She has a lot of experience with domestic abuse cases. I went to see her earlier in the year to find out about going for divorce before I left a few months later. Thank you for reminding me that he wants to scare me. It worked unfortunately…..but this morning it’s receded some

    • #113368
      Imagine
      Participant

      Thank you Camel for your reply. I haven’t replied to him and yes you’re right that is exactly what I would like, but I know deep down that will never happen.
      I had another text last night. Possibly triggered by my friend letting him know that the (removed by moderator). Sent it though to my friend who said it was belittling, quite aggressive and demeaning. Designed to hurt. So I have decided to block him. A bit surprised by the feeling of relief after. Also sadness that I have to as I do wanted it to be as you said. It’s made a big difference sharing his texts and getting other trusted peoples reactions. Finally opening up about the emotional abuse for so many years when I thought it was all me

    • #113236
      Imagine
      Participant

      That is such a strong thing to say. I’m going to write that down so I can look at it when I’m struggling. Thank you x

    • #113233
      Imagine
      Participant

      I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. It’s so hard and painful to say goodbye to our special companions. I will be thinking of you x

    • #113190
      Imagine
      Participant

      Hi Lottieblue
      Thank you. I appreciate it x
      I’ve been watching your progress for the last few months and although I haven’t replied I’m willing you on your path x

    • #113165
      Imagine
      Participant

      Thank you so much for your support. It means a lot. So I’ve had another text which I forwarded to my friend as suggested. Then I stupidly looked at it as I felt stronger.. Basically said he deserved a right to know after so long married. Also that I’ve listened to ‘others’ and not made the decision myself. He said he was sorry that was the case. I was really annoyed and found it quite insulting although I guess I’m not surprised by it. After all I’ve always done what he said before….. Part of me wants to reply that it is my decision and to try to stay amicable through it. Part of me knows there’s no point because he’ll only see what he thinks. Help! Should I stay no contact or try to explain that we have different perspectives etc….

    • #112767
      Imagine
      Participant

      Thank you both for your replies. I have to admit they brought tears to my eyes. It’s all made worse as well by the the fact that there is livestock involved that I can’t see too. That hurts as well. It’s a complicated thing for sure. I’m so grateful for your answers it means a lot and I certainly will come back on the forum. I’ve been reading a lot on here and books for some time. In my first post I asked if it was abuse and the answer I had then really helped me. So many of us and so good that we can talk on here. Thank you xx

    • #111875
      Imagine
      Participant

      Yes it was a close one. Very. Also very traumatic ended up in the cardiac care unit with machines all around etc. Long recovery too. The first time they put it down to the contraceptive pill. I’d only been on it a few weeks. But no other reasons. They thought I also had a heart valve problem as well as I crashed the first night I was in the hospital. Second time around they thought it was because of the damage in my calf from the ‘returning valve’ as they put it!
      Please make sure as I’m sure you will that you do what you are told! Glad to hear that you’ve seen some improvements. Good luck at your appointment x

    • #111839
      Imagine
      Participant

      My goodness Hazy you are having it tough. I do hope that your girls are ok. Such a worry for us mums… Yes I know about Heparin! I had was admitted to hospital and on a drip for (detail removed by moderator) on the original dvt. Young children at the time and so I ignored for too long and ended up with pulmonary embolisms in both lungs 🙄 stupid me. Second time was much better! I hope that you are soon feeling better and a proud granny. Take care xx

       

    • #111813
      Imagine
      Participant

      Hi Hazy this is only my second post but I felt I had to reach out to you about your suspected DVT. I have had that although a number of years ago now, but I also had another suspected a couple or so years ago and I want to reassure you that the fact it is suspected by a health professional means that they will take good care of it proves to be one. My second time I was scanned very quickly to check

      I’m xx

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