itmustbemesurely

[itmustbemesurely]

Mine did this too, texting 10-20 times a day – if was out with friends it was worse, he would message me and if I didn’t respond I’d know that I was in trouble when I got home – it’s really horrid and not until you are out of it that you realise that it’s not right

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I never get used to it either lovely, I’ve lost everything and he doesn’t give a sh@t he’s happy love bombing his next victim, everyone says it takes time, you are strong but it is so bloody hard realizing you were married to a narcissist
vile bully who only thinks of himself, we’ll get there sweetheart xxx

[itmustbemesurely]

I get it, I feel exactly the same. 100% how can they behave like they’ve done nothing wrong. How can they get away with it, there seems to be no consequence space whilst I am left reeling jumpy scared anxious and fearful . You are free now too but I guess it takes time, my friends too think i should be over it I’m sure, but I’m not and I don’t get it. I’m like you with anger it comes over me in waves, we will get better but it will take time and have to be kind to ourselves xx sending strength and love xxx

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thanks so much, you know how it is to doubt yourself to such an extent you don’t believe what actually happened…I know too he is ‘love bombing’ this woman, it’s text book – enjoying all the things she does and likes, her hobbies are now his hobbies, her life is now his life, he has stepped into it as he did mine. It is like a mirror image, I don’t want someone else to feel and be treated like I was, but am fearful as I know I will be portrayed as the ‘mad bitter ex-wife’ xxxx

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I was emotionally and financially abused too, my ex got so much debt the house has to be sold, I too don’t know where we will live as the equity I have and the mortgage I can get isn’t much – for this city anyway. Every ounce of judgement and faith I had in myself has gone, years of name calling and verbal abuse have meant sense of self is zero….people don’t get how long it takes to recover, they think because he’s out of my life I should be able to cope. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t I too don’t know what to do, am physically sick with anxiety and worry, try as I might to be positive it’s hard – but we will get there my lovely, be it small steps. You are doing amazingly well xxx

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No you are not being too sensitive this is abuse, it is control. Please please please don’t ever doubt yourself, or your instincts. I wish I hadn’t and was in a very similar position – in the end I thought it was normal and became a shadow of my former self. I had everyone thinks you are stupid and a crap Mum….was told I was fat, told I made a fool of myself, that he didn’t trust me, text me constantly…stay safe sweetheart – it isn’t you xx

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my ex went bankrupt, he ran up debt in his name, didn’t tell me to the extent of if until he as petitioned for bankruptcy by the inland revenue….I’m loosing my home but because although we are not together the house was a joint asset – there isn’t anything I can do despite the abuse – financial, verbal, emotional and control – I would do as the other ladies say, most organisations will help as long as you are seen to be doing something and a debt plan is a great idea. Once this is set up, I’d try to save – even if a bare minimum to protect yourself and have an escape. I wish I’d done that, as right now I feel like his taken me down with him at times. You can do it my lovely xxxxxx just got to grab all the help you can xxx

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Mine pays but leaves it to the last minute and I have to ask several times, he refuses to set up a standing order so I have to ask each month. He also says that he won’t pay a penny unless I behave a certain way, I can not be angry or say what i think – he swears at me and says that was my ‘final warning’ you won’t get a penny off me followed by all the usual expletives. He takes the children out to do exciting things, puts on a show for others to see, and portrays me as the mad unreasonable one.

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it’s my anger that’s bad at the minute, he seems to be getting away not just with the abuse but also this financial mess, he is bankrupt and has lost our home, yet walks away leaving me to sort it out even after years of name calling and threats….part of me wants to tell his new much younger girlfriend what she’s letting herself in for, I don’t want to be bitter and angry anymore, I want to be happy, not have the constant financial stress, I want to be carefree and full of joy but just don’t know how to get there…

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Thanks DIYmum, you are right it is so good to have this as a support and chat to people who get it, a lot of my friends don’t understand why months later I am not just over it and moving on…..he’s having fun and I am spaced out on medication it sucks!! sending a virtual hug back!

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is it mean to wish him and her ill? I’m angry today, but I don’t want them to ever be happy, I want them to suffer like me..my friends say that karma will come but I now too darn well he will come up smelling of roses!

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Thanks for your kind words xxx I have nothing, my children will have no home because of his financial abuse, as you know it’s so bloody hard picking yourself up when you’ve been battered by abuse and control. My confidence is at zero and he’s won,it seems so unfair. I’m a mess mentally and physically because of him and this situation, I honestly don’t know how I can pick myself up, I have friends but don’t want to go out in case I see him and her, had my hair done and looked in the mirror and saw this sad, old, bitter woman looking back with lines and eye bags the size of suitcases….I am sure I will get there but it’s taking so blinking long

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he doesn’t care if I don’t have any contact with him, he doesn’t want me to contact him, he has blocked me from all forms of contact expect email, which is what he uses to arrange pick up in two word emails, but refuses to let me know when he is dropping off. If I don’t behave in a certain way he refuses to pay, he can do what he likes, go out when he likes, spend what he likes, has a home. I am ugly, useless, miserable and a failure, I can’t even pull myself together that’s how c’@p I am…

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if I do that we won’t pay and I rely on that money, I just don’t know how to get over the thing that he is happy and I have nothing, am far from happy and am in the midst of loosing everything because of him, I really don’t know..he doesn’t message me that often but when he does its either just telling me whats happening or abuse nothing else…I just want to shout at him but he won’t get it, he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong, think he is in his right to behave like he does. I hate him for what he has turned me into a mess on antidepressants. He has won

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I am the same too, I have had to make some huge decisions and can’t I doubt everything about myself, I can’t concentrate, can’t think, just what to curl up under the duvet and cry. I shake am physically sick, can’t get my breath, and long to be happy again. I feel like he destroyed every ounce of my being – to begin with I was running on adrenaline, and as this has gone from me I feel a wreck and all over the place – it’s so bloody hard, when will it end! sending love xxx

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