lilbbysprout

[lilbbysprout]

Hi,
Finding this post is comforting to me and makes me wonder too if this is an effect of an abuse? I have been thinking that it is just me but perhaps it’s others too. I’ve found that after leaving my partner, I am slower with absolutely everything. If I have phone calls I have to make, it takes a day or two just to make one, and then I can only handle one and must wait for the others. I respond to texts a day or two later because it takes so much energy just to answer one. And it’s not exactly because I’m depressed- I’m up, out, reading, drawing, being active. Tasks just seem overwhelming! I don’t know the solution but I can relate! Best wishes
x

[lilbbysprout]

Hi there,
First of all, thank you for posting and for reaching out. I know it isn’t easy. I’m sorry your doctor made you feel invalidated and didn’t offer the type of empathy that you were seeking. Personally, that type of reject not only always makes me feel worse but leaves me feeling embarrassed and as if I shouldn’t have revealed my vulnerability. But there is beauty and courage in being so honest. You’ve recognize that you need more help then you are receiving, which is good. Awareness is one of the first steps! I would recommend reaching out to as many resources around you as you can- perhaps look into support groups, and a therapist. Focus on surrounding yourself with positive people who will build you up and be sure to do nice things that help you self-care; warm baths, slow walks, reading a favorite book, and so on.

Grasping that someone is not who we thought they were and asking why they did what they did is hard, it can drive us mad. It’s normal for you to be struggling with it. Be kind and good to yourself, things will get better.

[lilbbysprout]

Hi there,
It’s easy to be left feeling like what happened between us and our perpetrator is our fault because the way they manipulate us, sets us up to feel so. It’s even more difficult when we care about that person, and that person has a mental illness because not only will they tend to use it as an excuse, but because we care about them we begin to question ourselves too. “They did this, but they ARE mentally ill so…” However, the truth is that mental illness doesn’t make someone abusive nor is there ever an excuse for emotional abuse. He is responsible for his own actions and the way he yelled at you/your children/had angry outbursts sounds absolutely terrifying, and difficult to digest or go through. You are so strong and so courageous for coming to terms with these truths and for taking the steps needed to do the right thing for you as well as your children. You have done nothing wrong, and you are an amazing person. I hope you continue to find the right support and peace you need in your life to move forward. Light with you

[lilbbysprout]

It’s hard to let go of our abusive partners because (in my opinion) what we’re truly struggling to let go of is not our partners themselves, but the idea of our partners that we had. After my partner and I separated, he still continued to contact me and insinuated that we could have a casual sex relationship. I almost gave in because subconsciously I believe through intimacy, we could re-connect and return to a part of our past that wasn’t violent. But I didn’t. I have however struggled since with moments of “weakness”, almost texting, or almost calling him. But then I remind myself I am searching for a validation, or for closure, or for an apology that could undue everything when a) it isn’t going to come and b) nothing can really undue what has happened.

The best thing you can do is to be gentle with yourself. It’s normal to feel that way and there’s nothing wrong with you. Just remind yourself that you are loveable, and worth so much more and the steps you’re taking now will get you there. Best of luck to you.

[lilbbysprout]

Marthamoo,
Congratulations on finding the strength within yourself to follow your truth and take the steps to move into a new house away from him. It isn’t easy, and what you did took immense courage. I’m proud of you, as you should be of yourself. Although I do not have children and can not relate on that level, I know how hard it can be to both leave and have to continue to sort out odds n’ ends after leaving. My abuser, too, asked if he could continue to contact me for sex after separating. The most important thing is to recognize that you have loved yourself enough as well as your children to assert your wants, your needs, and what your heart was saying through it all. Continue to be that. You are not alone. I wish you all the best and continuous peace/light in your life.

[lilbbysprout]

I think the most important thing is your safety first. Not just physically, but emotionally. Booking doctors appointments and having the intent of going to them does not mean your perpetrator will always follow through. Nor does it mean that even if they do, you’re in a safer place. Someone who is abusive or aggressive or violent needs a lot of help, as well as a lot of time to change and become this “better” person they strive to be. I know the hardest thing to do is to walk away from somebody that you thought was different than this, and you may be in shock, but please take care of yourself and put yourself first. Good luck.

[lilbbysprout]

@ I want to break free: Thank you for taking the time out to write such a thoughtful response. I feel very validated by your words and find comfort in your reassurance. I have been taking walks just to quiet places in nature nearly every day this past and that type of calm can be just enough to take the edge off for awhile. Some gentle yoga may help too. Thank you again for sharing your own experience and offering support. I appreciate your words. 🙂

@Newlife2015: Thank you to you as well for writing out such a thoughtful response. I have been thinking about confronting my GP about anxiety medication although unfortunately as I transition into living at home again and insurance kicking in, I’ll be without one for a few weeks. Anxiety medications make me nervous because in the past, they’ve made me feel too spacey. But perhaps there could be a gentle medium I could find. I am happy you were able to find a medication that worked for you, truly. 🙂 It must feel like such a relief. Don’t be sorry to ramble, your words also validate me too and make me feel comforted. I honor your truth, thank you for sharing.

[lilbbysprout]

@Confused123:

Hi, thank you as well for the support. Everyone here is so wonderful in responding. My family has been supportive, and I’ve only been back a few days but at least this place is familiar, and quiet, and my abuser is not in the same town. It can be hard because my friend support is far away, but it’s something. I hope that you are finding some peace in your days as well and I send all my love and light with you.

[lilbbysprout]

@saving myself: Hey you,

Thank you so much for the support and for the advice. I did move back home for an undetermined amount of time, and there is some immediate less stress knowing that I’m less likely to run into him around here. Phew. I wish you safety and peace and am sending big hugs back.

[lilbbysprout]

I’m sorry for the delayed response. I did choose to move back home, and things have been difficult so I was away from the computer for a time. Thank you so much for your immediate and thoughtful response, as well as the validation within your words. Hearing that I’m not alone and that others can relate helps me to keep my sanity. All my loves and light with you.

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