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    • #50677

      Thank you both.

      It’s still not fully hit me, but Confused you’re absolutely right!

      Sending hugs to you all cxx

    • #50495

      Thank you both so much.
      I keep weeping on and off.
      Absolutely floored.


    • #46262

      Hi Confused, thank you and I hope you are well xx

    • #46250

      Hi Shine Bright 🙂

      That’s one of the reasons I love this forum – it’s always here when we pop back, whenever we need.

      I hope you’re doing alright <3

    • #46230

      KIP – you’re amazing! <3

      I have done similar things to you (though not the same) and it’s so fulfilling isn’t it. Helping to bring about changes so that other women are better supported.
      At some point I would hope to be in a position to use my experiences of the crown court system, and of sexual abuse and violence, to bring about change.

      “Be the change you want to see in the world” <3

      Best wishes – LBP. xx

    • #45227

      Ayanna – so sorry to come back and read this 🙁

      Please let us know how you are following your last post?

      Thinking of you xx

    • #44957

      Sorry – I’ve been away from the site a while!

      It’s staggering seeing how many of you suffer the same problems!

    • #44587

      Youve had brilliant responses already, but just wanted to note that I found my ISVA lovely, she was very professional and very supportive.
      I couldn’t say the word rape for a really long time. Even now sometimes it sticks in my throat.

      My isva explained everything to me every step of the way, she simplified the terms the police and cps used to make sure I understood everything, she arranged to show me around the court to familiarise myself with the building ahead of the trial, and she was with me throughout the trial aswell. I couldn’t have gotten through it without her.

      Those feelings of shame you’re having are perfectly normal for what’s happened but it is not your shame! He is the one who should be ashamed of what he did.

      If it helps you talk about it, could you try ringing the helpline? Or rapecrisis on 0808 802 9999 (open again tomorrow, and everyday, at 12noon-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm)
      (Hope that’s okay to post x)

      Sometimes it can be easier saying it on the phone as opposed to face to face?

      Wishing you all the best – you’re so strong. Love and light, LBP xx

    • #44581

      Well done kip 💐

      And well done for highlighting it, I’ve also registered anonymously (got the form from my local council office and had to send a copy of the injunction as supporting evidence) it’s comforting to know that I can vote, but my need for privacy and protection isn’t compromised.


    • #42026

      I do think we all need to be careful when getting into discussions online about feminist issues, especially DV. There are alot of people who wrongly believe falsified stats and intentionally bring them up to silence women speaking about gendered violence. And sometimes having those attitudes and comments thrown at us can really hinder our own recoveries <3

      I’ve engaged in many discussions with people about male victims of DVA but you can usually bet if someone brings up the “men suffer abuse too”, there interest isn’t usually for the suffering of male victims, they’re using it as a means to silence women talking about abuse suffered by women. And very often their arguments are totally flawed aswell, they seem to just demand x y z for men because women have x y z and not take into account that male victims of female perpetrated dv might not need y and male victims of same-sex violence might not need x. If you see what I mean.

      I’m glad you’ve blocked the person, I know it’s hard but try not to let it get to you too much. You’re still healing. Be kind to yourself lovely xx

    • #42025

      Thank you Cuppa – sorry for the late reply!

      I keep going over it in my head, I keep seeing him everytime I close my eyes. Keep having dreams about him and very much reliving everything that’s happened between us – good and bad. I don’t know what’s worse really, the good or the bad!!

      Found myself second guessing and wondering if he really has changed. Seeing him with his wife and child really shook me I think. But the police have told me she appears pliable, placid, I’ve heard from friends of his family that she very much does as she is told by him and never stands up to him – that he doesn’t need to try so hard with her. Not like he did with me.
      Seeing her reminded me of a time when I was her. Going to the shops, walking ahead of him, times that appear totally normal and not in the least controlling to an outsider. And that’s what I saw wasn’t it. I mean, even if she did want to leave where would she have gone. I remember that so well, going into the shops with him and having a flash thought about running away but then being too scared because I knew I had nowhere else to go, I’d have to go home with him. To him. There was never any other option.

      I think that’s what I saw isn’t it?

    • #42024

      I have touched on it very briefly with my LO. They asked why they don’t have a Daddy when everyone at school does, and so I said that their Daddy isn’t a very nice man and so we don’t see him, LO asked if that meant Daddy doesn’t use his kind-hands, which I confirmed. My LO is still young, but as they get older and begin to ask more question I will explain further – of course age appropriately. I just feel they have a right to know, not only so that they can try to understand why we may react in a certain way or why we feel a certain way, but I strongly believe that if they’re aware of what their father/step-father is like then it can help to protect them in the future if they have to have contact or choose to have contact?

      In what way were you accused of protecting him as opposed to the children?

      I hope it hasn’t upset you too much lovely <3

    • #41816

      Was rainy here too, you can’t beat ice cream on a rainy night!

      I’m on mirtazapine for ptsd so at least I slept. i feel a bit funny today, you’re absolutely right about the overthinking thing. It helps to know how other people (you) would react and feel in the same situation xx

    • #41786

      It was strange as it was off the back of a nice couple of days back in my hometown for a special occasion. We stopped at a midway supermarket on the way home and there he was.

      So I’d had a really, really lovely time. And then I run into him. Tonight I’m enjoying the safety and sanctuary of my own home with all my creature comforts (and ice-cream) and trying my best not to overthink seeing him. I’m still so unsure how I feel?

      Thank you both for your replies <3

    • #41595

      Oh Butterfly, I second everything that Confused said <3

      I’ve just started therapy with someone who specialises in serious crimes, and I’m starting to talk about what my ex did to me. Like you, I’ve never gone into the rapes. Only twice – once with the police and once when (detail removed by Moderator), and so now I’m trying to talk to the therapist about it all. It is tough. Especially to actually say what happened.
      Could you request to see a different therapist? Would that help?

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