Littlepea

[Littlepea]

Thank you so much everyone for listening. It is so so hard. I feel like his emotional coldness almost isn’t a good enough reason to be afraid of him, as he doesn’t get agressively angry or physical. The last week has been this awful off-ness and coldness, with me being ungrateful / selfish, combined with moments of niceness which I’m always reminded about as a reminder that I should be doing better and doing more nice things. There have also been times when his need for sex has been more important than him actually making sure I want to. Beginning to have sex with me when I want to go to sleep then finally stopping but getting annoyed when it’s clear it’s not what I want. This week has been worse than others. Im just so tired but sharing here is really helping and im so sorry I hope it’s ok and I hope im not sharing too much

[Littlepea]

Thank you so much for your replies. I’m so sorry we are all struggling with this, but it’s really helpful to know I’m not alone and it isn’t all in my head.

I’m definitely getting better at not accepting the behaviour – initially I would do anything to try and make things better and I would be as nice as possible and try to be the best person. But after it’s happened so many times I feel like I’m hardening to it.

I struggle also with the switch from this mood to the nicest person ever. This morning he was in the off / sulking mood, nit picking and telling me I’m ungrateful. This evening he’s cooking me dinner and being really nice. My head is spinning and I don’t understand. Maybe he really is this nice person.

[Littlepea]

Thank you for replying @ramblingrandom.

Yes it’s exactly like that negative vibe. I have tried talking to him but it either makes it worse or doesn’t change. If it gets better for a while, it always happens again.

It’s part of a wider pattern. I can’t tell if it’s been worse before. Or if I’m just getting so used to it now. It feels like I can’t do anything right. Often it seems that if we haven’t had sex in a few days this can make it worse, because if we do have sex it changes his mood massively.

It’s like an invisible thing that because i can’t quite define it I just think it’s all in my head. And he’ll often say no there’s nothing wrong you’re imagining it. But there always is.

[Littlepea]

Thank you everyone for your replies ❤️ they have been so helpful. @RedStrawberry and @jediwarrior that all sounds so familiar – he says the same to me if I’m too tired for sex I shouldn’t be reading or on my phone either I should be straight to sleep. Last night we had sex for the first time in a week and today his mood is insanely different, this has happened before, we will have sex and he’s almost hyper with how much of a good mood he’s in the next day. Compared with last week when he was more moody and quiet.

I feel almost like I’ve been trained? I don’t have the ability to decide if I really want sex any more because it’s not a straightforward decision.

[Littlepea]

I have to admit I’d be telling them to leave. I just feel so guilty, awful, and like it’s all my fault and I should be a better person / girlfriend.

[Littlepea]

Yes if I instigate he always accepts. He always wants sex, he has said this himself. I’m not willingly participating and it upsets me that he doesn’t realise this given I’m not moving don’t say yes and say no and he has to keep saying (detail removed by Moderator).

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