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    • #119279
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Thank you Hetty, I just keep thinking it will get better once I’ve grown as a person, have less fears and anxiety towards him and he says it will improve, I don’t think I can face being alone without him even if there was a safe escape, I just wish this wasn’t happening. I don’t trust he won’t find out, it’s scary enough being on here, it’s a risk, he has a far reach. But I know he won’t truly harm me, just this daily living is a bit debilitating. I appreciate your time, thank you for your support, I’m alone in this, even his family thinks I’m the unusual one, though they hate his behaviour and get scared too. X

    • #119273
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      (detail removed by moderator), not even sure what stops me, though I’m afraid for my lived one x

    • #119272
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Thank you Hetty, I need to keep hearing this till it sinks in, I ve had a bad night,sat in the dark waiting for permission to go to bed, was told to be quiet then repeatedly engaged to talk then told (detail removed by moderator), can’t even do that right. But then he can be amazing too. X

    • #119266
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Than you all so much for your support and advice, I’m just really struggling and feel completely alone in trying to understand it all. He insists I am immature and not grown up enough, there is some truth to this but his goal is to get me to be happy according to what I say which is lose weight, but I’m not good at it, and to be treated better in life, but he says (detail removed by moderator) but I really don’t like his methods, and the more I protest the worse it is, because he is convinced that if I face my fear I will improve. Thanks for listening and your posts give me strength xx

    • #119244
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      In the short time since I rushed to put up my last post about ten mins I’ve been insulted about 5 times, for almost nothing, it apparently just normal language, but it’s wearing me very thin, in addition he has a go at me for not increasing my sense of self worth etc a contradiction, but no matter what I say I look like the stupid one x

    • #119225
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      I can totally relate to your situation, my situation is similar, i am currently full of confusion trying to seperate what is personality clashes versus abuse, and whether it can be different, because the idea of leaving behind the vision i had for the future is uncomfortable.

      i find it helpful to post on here just to get it out, and phoning the helpine can be helpful too x

    • #119201
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Thank you KIP, the thing is he never really hurts me physically, he frightens me as a way to get me to face up to certain fears I have, he says (detail removed by moderator) and he is right. The physical stuff leaves only superficial bruising, and if he really hurts me he will stop or apologize because it wasn’t his intention as all the anger and violence is apparently an act on his part, this just adds to my confusion, because he has a point and it will stop when I’m happier and more grown up. I’ve read and researched a bit but still can’t believe it. And if it’s true I couldn’t go anywhere he wouldn’t find me, so it’s pointless anyway, just fed up of this circle. Thank you for listening it means a lot x

    • #119115
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Thank you all for your kind words, it helps, as I am feeling incredibly lost and alone and confused about all the different things that go on in my relationship yet, I still seem to be accepting it, as the norm, or temporary until I can be the person I have said to him that I want to be, which is how he is using these behaviours to help me, it’s so confusing I just go round in circles. I am nnot as ble to seek any further help, this is all I have, and I do get suicidal ideation on a daily basis, but I guess this is normal for the trapped feelings, it just hurts that I gone through lots of stuff in the past, barely lived, and now the person who loves me the most in the world also hurts me the most, it’s ironic really

    • #118954
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Hi thank you both for your comments, I haven’t been able to get on here for a while, but really needed to hear the friendly kindness right now, I am either really thick and confused, or I’m having a bad night of abusive behaviour, I’m so scared and like a deer in the headlights, I’m so alone, I just needed a reminder that people can be kind without alterior motives. I just can’t understand why this is happening or if it’s me because I’m not capable of acting normally. I have to sleep next to him now, and he said he might have ‘violent nightmares’ I just needed to share that with someone, just in case, I hope this is all just pretend…thank you listening

    • #114227
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Hi Imagesha, I can completely relate to what you are saying, its very draining and distracting, trying to deciphyr if it is abusive or just dysfunctional, and then just feeling tired and seperated from your work, you want to do well but all the enthusiasm and concentration has gone, the time goes by so quickly and before you know it you are way behind in your work, and still so confused in your relationship.. at least that is what it’s like for me. I hope you stay strong and work through it until you are able to think clearly and make the choices that’s best for you, this can be a good place to help you get some information and perspective. x

    • #92540
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Hi Landy,
      Can you claim possession of the dog? if you talk to the police, these things can get a bit blurry by law, and especially if you can prove it is more yours than his, if you bought the dog initially, have spent most on it, also talk to animal rescue charities for advice regarding ownership, abuse etc you may be able to get it recognised as your legally, then you could tell him where to go and be free of this custody situation. I totally get where you’re coming from i had to leave my animals – big regret, wish i hadnt done it, but circumstances at the time – will never give up my pets again. Stay strong x

    • #91017
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Thank you for your feedback, its been very helpful, it didnt even occur to me until recently that i might of been abused, but looking back now, i am slowly comming to the realization that i may also have been emotionally abused most of my life by family, possibly. i would appreciate it if anyone could clarify if examples of the following from family members whilst growing up is actually considered abusive, or if it was just growing pains and oversensitivity, (most of the following was done by people who love me and are clueless to any wrong doing on their part):
      Being laughed at and made the but of every joke
      pushed down different avenues regarding ‘what you want to be when you grow up’
      persuaded not to continue a certain enjoyable activity as ‘you’re fed up of doing this now aren’t you’
      told off for things not your fault
      made to be responsible for adult things due to ill parent
      manipulative matriarch who wanted information on your father
      never being listened to, always shouted accross whilst trying to have my say
      made to feel guilty about many small things that you may have done
      not being allowed to venture far from home, do any activities that would involve being driven somewhere/ catching a bus/ or allowing other children into your home.

      your veiws would be much appreciated

    • #91011
      lovelifefreely
      Participant

      Thank you ladies for your helpful comments, at the time i did not feel like i was being abused, it’s only now, years later and after a particular event that i am starting to wonder whether it could have been. i feel i need to clarify that the throwing things was usually when something did not go his way and was not directed at me, i did feel afraid sometimes of the yelling but not necessarily of being hurt by him, he was never physically violent towards me, i was allowed to come and go as i please, as long as i was respectful to let him know when i would be home etc, but i did a lot of things/activities alone because he did not want to do them, does this change anything?

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