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    • #40551
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi KIP,
      I agreed that we want closure, we want to be heard, I know in my nearly decade of my relationship with him is just to be heard, for him to say sorry for beating me and get the t that beating is not acceptable, I fight for my right but years of fighting didn’t work , at the end I lost myself, I questioned my own self, wondered if I’m deserve it, started believing his words. I’m useless, sick in my head and he didn’t give a two fuck about me.
      I went no Contact since I found this forum and my life changed but as his words stuck in my head and being with him for long years sometimes I miss and try to know things about him and trust me everytime I broke the no contact it’s hit me so hard. No we will never get closure by contact him or even hear a thing about my ex.

      Hugs
      MP

    • #40549
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Dear all,
      Thank you so much for the mssgs, it’s help so much. It was just set back for me, like a slap and threw me back. It’s was just surprised how everything work for them both when she can be in this country from back door (I’m million percent positive) so does he. While I do everything properly but struggling every steps. They lie for everything in this life and it’s turn out well.
      I try to dates bcoz I feel terrified every time I feel alone will I ever brave enough to go out there. I have few friends go through brake up and they better once they dates so I tried it for my self but didn’t work for me. I’m getting old and I have no children or anyone. Far from my parent and something I feel so lonely and no one I can reach out when I needed.
      I did try to focus on my self as I realise I can not relay on anyone, but when everything feel too much I need others supports. I stopped my counselling ages ago I can’t really afford it.
      Thank you all so much for the mssgs it’s meant so much for me

      Hugs and kisses
      MP

    • #40486
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Is it worth to keep trying to have better life? I can’t go on anymore

    • #40485
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Why it’s hurt so much?

    • #28944
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi,
      Don’t ever think that you are crazy, they so good in manipulating our mind. That the reason we stay, we keep trying even we know we always walk in eggs shell but they will do something sickly until our mind doubting ourself, be strong and keep looking after your self.

      X
      MP

    • #28942
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi Abcxz,
      I agreed with Sahara, the don’t Change, there’s no outburst for months but he will adventualy do it again. My ex stop abusing me for good (detail removed by moderator)years but then he is back to who he was.

      In your situation there’s children involve you should consider how they feel when that’s happen, physical abused you can see the bruise, but with psychological abuse you can not see the damage until you realise will be too late. At least make him fully understand what can happen to your children when he shouted. I can understand It is hard to just leave when you have children and if he agree to make it work he will have to be 100% work into it
      X
      MP

    • #28940
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi Iamfree,
      I fully support you to be strong and keep fighting. It is hard but it is worth, for your self and community.
      I went to the court but my case was easier as he assaulted me but I only brought the last attempt he beat me not in previous one when he did a numbers of time, I couldn’t get any justice for the past,
      It was so hard, but I nailed it, and now I can feel that my life was drained and filling with new good things. I do get closure from what happen.

      Good luck and be strong, what ever come out as a result you know that you given the best shot.
      X
      MP

    • #28939
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi HA,
      You have been so supporting to me, I will never be able to thank enough, you and this forum made me so strong.
      I do actually agree not to often to be in this forum, make me feel I’m a victim, and I don’t want to feel that way. But again this forum always giving me strength every time I feel down. You and all the ladies here meant so much for who I am now.
      Good luck and wish you every happiness in your life. Please do come once a while in this forum.

      Hugs and kisses

    • #28663
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Thank you ladies,
      She is one of my best friend for four years and I don’t talk a lot about my abuse bcoz I know she doesn’t understand, sometimes she said something about it and it’s hurt me more so I avoid talk about it to her. And we have mutual friend facing abuse and she wanted to help her and I said you shouldn’t bcoz she need someone understands her, we talk about my problem I said you wouldn’t understand if I tell you and That when it’s started, I kept go on as I wanted her to understand but she get meaner and meaner. I don’t have many friends, I guess I have trust issue but I needed friend. I am hundreds thousand miles away from home, I am all alone here, only few of my community have open minded and not judging others.

      I treat my self yesterday bought lots of new flower plants and box of chocolate shared it with my house mate, had night in, had dinner together and watch tv with them. I felt much better today.
      Finally I can pick my self up. 😄😄

    • #27033
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      I can not imagine what kind of stage I am right know if I didn’t found this forum, I found it amazing how powerful make us to find that people actually understand what we’ve been through, and have similar experience and surviving together.

      Massive thank you for all the lovely ladies here.

      X
      MP

    • #27032
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Dear positiveAndlookingahead.
      It is completely normal how you feel, you have been hurt, and it is normal if you angry. Your life is changes, he was in your life and did whatever he did to you and he is gone, you are emotionally shifted. But it will get better, those anxious and horrible feeling will lessen with time.

      Took months for me to be better, and these ladies in this forum told me it will lessen and it did. I was so broken cry my self to sleep, cry at work, weeping while I’m driving, you name it. I went on short brake on the weekend but only make locked my self in the bathroom and cry, everything in my life was so wrong.
      Good thing I found this forum and did counselling. I learn to survive, I told my self to hang on one more day, live one day at the time believing that I am survivor and I will keep my self to survive. And I assure you it will get better each day, the pain, hurt, anxious even blaming our self will lessen. Even when you’re down, it just one step back but if you keep going you still going forward to brighter days. Be kind to your self let your self heal, she’s been hurt, nurture her with kind thought. This words I get from these lovely ladies in this forum and I believed and cherish it, these words get me wher I am now. Happier much much happier person that I ever been and still living and nurturing my self more, and keep surviving.

      Lots of love
      MP

    • #27030
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Well done!!
      I wish I can do it, as I know I am not ready I have so many reason.
      Enjoy it and I wish you the best of luck that he will be looking after you, loving you genuinely because you deserve it.
      X
      MP

    • #27029
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi
      I kept all our photos and look at it some times. I can see all the happy “picture” but then I know the realities behind those photos. I don’t want to changed anything as it is my history and it’s my right to keep it. I will definitely learn from it. I can remember all the sad story that not in the pictures, that how awful is our relationship. I was always walk in eggshells, never know his mood will be and try very hard to make him happy. I remember even when I take his pictures and didn’t look good he will be upset and blame me that I can’t take a good pictures!! So by looking at those pictures actually making me stronger, knowing that I had enough and I tried enough!

    • #26809
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Sorry I was referred to local DV or whatever it was.

    • #26807
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      I went to NHS after I’ve been abused, I was so confused and asked for psychiatric but just referred to WA.. I was gutted but I search in the Internet some other ways to get help. I can’t explain how desperate I did to survive that time. I didn’t get any psychiatric only counsellor. In the beginning on my counselling just get me from bad to worse. I was in suicidal thought all the time, yet again I don’t give up. I listened to you tube, search in the Internet to understand what’s happening in my life. When I found this forum, everything makes sense, everything become so clear and realise there’s lovely people here gone through same thing,it’s given me so much strength to survive. Here I am a survivor still fighting to get my self back. I end my counselling now and my counsellor was impressed how far I bacome since I first counselling.
      Even the housing that they promise I can’t afford. If we relay on those help we never be able to survive. The whole systems is F*** I don’t understand how some people get the system on their side.

Viewing 14 reply threads

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