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    • #15958
      Nemo
      Participant

      Oh and don’t even get my started on the joy of wearing comfy PJs! and being able to laze around the house in them on well-earned relaxation days! ๐Ÿ˜€

    • #15957
      Nemo
      Participant

      loving this post Ayanna! ๐Ÿ˜‚
      comfortable underwear IS important! i recently bought some Toy Story and some Star Wars shortie pants! i love em! i dance around in them when i’m getting dressed…don’t need uncomfortable silk lace boring black panties & matching bras anymore. Very happy in my cartoon shorties ๐Ÿ˜€

      Glad we could share our new love of pants haha!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    • #15955
      Nemo
      Participant

      with u on that one Ayanna …i was having sex with everyone! the guy at the petrol station, the cashier boy at the local shop, basically any man i came into contact with, inc. HIS mates on nights out (i’m assuming we went into the club toilets to do this??? although he never mentioned anything about these alleged incidents to his mates, the accusations were solely directed at me!) – near the end he actually became paranoid that i was having a sexual relationship with my own brother and my dad!

      i never cheated on him once throughout our relationship and marriage, ironically he was the serial cheater not me… but if i ever even dared to mention what he’d been doing then he’d say i was upsetting him and would threaten to leave me and dissapear off out with his mates (yes the same mates I was apparently cheating on him with).

      sadly his paranoia resulted in him becoming so angry that i was ‘cheating’ on him that he violently raped me as punishment – for me No Contact began after that night ๐Ÿ˜ข i changed the locks while he was out the next day, got a restraining order, and filed for a divorce.

    • #15953
      Nemo
      Participant

      well done betterdays ๐Ÿ‘ really proud of you hun, stay strong โค ๐Ÿ‘ญ xx

    • #15952
      Nemo
      Participant

      Thank you Phoenix, i love the outdoors and am a keen cyclist but now i won’t even walk/cycle to the shop 2 mins around the corner i drive everywhere but even in the car i still feel anxious… i’m so scared of bumping into him because he’s still in the area – deliberately setting up base far away enough to not be breaking his restraining order, but close enough that we still have the same local supermarket, restaurants, bars, etc.

      hence him dragging his feet with the financials because while i’m sticking it out maintaining the house financially and in every other way, he has the added control of knowing where i am.

      the only place i feel safe is in my home city because he wouldn’t dare show his face there.

      i am feeling a little better today after being at work and doing what i love. only (detail removed by Moderator) more days and i will be back in my home city for a couple of days ๐Ÿก๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿ’ž ๐Ÿ˜ƒ
      my work are really good, because it’s a 24 hour 7 days a week job sector my hours are flexible so they make sure i have 3 days off in a row every 2 weeks xx

    • #15840
      Nemo
      Participant

      serenity’s hit the nail on the head there – they will never admit that they’re feeling any sort of loss once they realise you’re not going back to them. xx hugs โค

    • #15839
      Nemo
      Participant

      hi whathaveidone, it’s strange – or possibly not so strange – but i often think back to this song too. i’m not with my abuser anymore, but when i was with him the lyrics would capture how i was feeling.

      most recently i found Justin Bieber’s song ‘Love Yourself’ bringing him to the forefront of my mind, but in a way that makes me feel free. i guess the lyrics to that capture how i’m feeling now that i’m out of the relationship.

      sending u hugs & strength โค

    • #15837
      Nemo
      Participant

      Hi Serenity,

      Thank you for your kind words of support โค

      I’m going to take your advice and indulge in a bit of pampering to try and relax my mind & soothe my heart x

    • #13516
      Nemo
      Participant

      my husband moved in with a new gf within a week of me ending our relationship…yet since then he contested my application for a divorce endlessly (it has finally just been granted after he ran out of appeal ‘opportunities’) – i always wondered what she would make of this, and then a friend pointed out to me that it’s possible she doesn’t even know that i exist, or that he has a wife for that matter!

      i’ve learnt to see it from the perspective of how pathetic it is that he can’t be on his own.

      whereas i have got so much real love & real happiness in my life without the need for a romantic relationship. i don’t need a ‘partner’ to justify my existance or to improve my life in any way. our abusers probably envy us for that.

    • #13514
      Nemo
      Participant

      ye it is hard i have been and still am in the same situation, but it’s their way of avoiding having to feel anything… while we’re processing the loss and making sense of what has happened, they are out ‘keeping up appearances’.

      keep up the no contact and don’t be fooled by his facade…know that you are stronger than him because you are letting yourself feel these normal emotions and dealing with them so that you can move forward in a healthy positive way.

      Hugs โค you are doing so well ๐ŸŒž

    • #13509
      Nemo
      Participant

      had a ‘low’ day today, but reading these words has just given me my Hope back โ›…

      “I donโ€™t think any of us here will come to terms properly with what happened to us, in terms of explaining it or justifying it; but we will hopefully come to love ourselves and our lives above the selfishness of our abusers, so that they shrink in our minds and become pathetic cartoons rather than powerful symbols in our minds.”

      Thanks Serenity ๐Ÿ˜˜

    • #13293
      Nemo
      Participant

      i think for a lot of us work is a lifeline – it’s our safe space.

      maybe in the midst of the abuse you were so focused on your work because of this.

      now you are in recovery your work might feel like a less significant piece of the puzzle – hence you still realising how lucky you are to have your job but at the same time finding it difficult to focus on like you used to.

      i hope i’ve worded that right so that it makes sense in the way i mean it to! โค

    • #13291
      Nemo
      Participant

      i recently posted when i was struggling with feelings of blame, i think we all feel this way when we’re trying to rationalise behaviour that can’t be rationalised.

      i think we’ve all also experienced being told that we’re to blame (by our abusers). the amount of times i apologised to him because he’d actually got me thinking it was my fault that he did x, y & z.

      i still have days now where i recall an incident and wonder what i could’ve done differently – but every action would’ve resulted in the same reaction, it might have been delayed, it might have been different, but it still would’ve been abuse.

    • #13286
      Nemo
      Participant

      Hi Whathaveidone, first of all welcome to the forum – i’m so glad you found it and i’m so glad you found the courage to post ๐Ÿ‘

      I read your story over and over thinking how best to reply and i think the best way is to quote back your own words back to you as sometimes we don’t realise the significance of them…
      “If I had a daughter, I would never wish for a man to treat her the way my partner does me. I want her to be strong, independent and make decisions for herself with appropriate guidance from me of course. The same goes for if I have a son.”

      …YOU deserve to be treated just as well as you would wish your children to be treated. You deserve to feel Strong, Independent, and the Freedom to make decisions for yourself โค

      Hugs ({}) xxx

    • #13281
      Nemo
      Participant

      Yes it is a tactic – my experience was the exact same as Herindoors.
      Stay strong โค it sounds like you’re doing so well and you’re recognising his tactics – power to you ๐Ÿ‘

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