Neueranfang

[Neueranfang]

Thanks a lot for your reply.
I’m really sorry to hear that you are away from your child.That’s very sad and unfair. My ex would never asked our children to live with him as he can’t even look after himself.He moved himself back in with his mum after I left him as he needs someone looking after him.So pathetic really.It might be pre puberty as well.But I also believe my ex is badmouthing me in front of the children.
I hope you are ok!

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your kind words.Much needed and much appreciated.I’m crying as I’m writing this.The situation actually got a lot worse.But it was out of my hands.We would have made the flight but because of heavy rain and flooding our express train to the airport was severely delayed and the we rushed around like mad and my son jumped on to one of the trains connecting the terminals.The doors shut on me and my other son and my poor boy was on the train on his own.Luckily a really kind woman was waiting with him at the next stop and we got reunited but we missed our flight.Lots of other people missed the same flight, too.We were then put on a waiting list for a different flight (I had to pay hundreds of pounds on top) which is far from where we need to go and even if we get that flight, we’ll have to travel all through the night.And now it is extremely delayed on top of everything and we still don’t even know what’s happening with us.I’m exhausted and no end in sight.In these situations, I feel so alone.I have to make all the decisions and my kids obviously rely on me when I’m just so tired and could do with someone to lean on myself.Someone to tell me that everything will be ok in the end

[Neueranfang]

Wow this sounds so familiar.I have been out for just under (detail removed by moderator) now but I was with a man just like your partner for over (detail removed by moderator) and we have got children together. My Ex also used to complain if his clothes weren’t washed but he wasn’t able to put them in the washing basket and he would also leave sweet wrappers, cans or whatever it was he used absolutely everywhere for me to clean it up after him and when I refused to do it and (detail removed by moderator) on one occasion to see if he would get enough of it and (detail removed by moderator), he told me I was sick to do that.How pathetic.That’s all I can say.These man are pathetic and don’t deserve us.My Ex wasn’t only pathetic though.He was also violent and broke my nose twice and put his hands on me on numerous occasions.I loved him, too and it was soooo hard to leave and he is still harassing me now but it was the best thing I have ever done and could have done for my children.They actually remember quite a lot of the stuff he did to me when I though they were too young but they are fine.I had this fantasy of this perfect family in my head and I was clinging on to that not realising that it would have always just been a fantasy as my Ex is an abusive, narcissistic monster and not capable, neither deserving of a happy family life.Children need structure and love and a sense of belonging.It doesn’t matter if you are a single mum, 2 mums, 2 dads, one dad as long as that’s given children will develop emotionally and cognitively. My children’s home is wherever I am and they know they can rely on me.I thought my Ex broke my heart, but I am realising that he broke my spirit.However, I am now getting that spirit back.It is a long journey but it will be worth it in the end. You are not alone.Sending you lots of strength and love xxx

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your reply.
It definitely does feel like my ex cursed me.(detail removed by Moderator) is the ‘anniversary’.He moved out (detail removed by Moderator).Anyway, it has been the toughest (detail removed by Moderator) of my life and it doesn’t seem to get any better.He is still abusing me whenever and however he possibly can.No contact is not an option as we have children together.
And now I have got Covid again.I had the Delta variant back in (detail removed by Moderator) and now I’ve got Omicron.It doesn’t seem fair.I had just got out of the hospital with my son and started to get back to ‘normal’ life and in the few days I had back at work, I caught Covid.I’m working as a (detail removed by Moderator) …:(
This should have been a peaceful week for me and my children.But now the half term holidays are ruined.No one is gonna help me with the kids and I feel rotten.It can’t get any worse.Also, I’m worried about my son as he just got over (detail removed by Moderator).I don’t want to give him Covid.His Immunsystem is still suppressed…

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your reply.
I know this has to stop but I don’t know how.I’m working full-time, studying part-time and all my family are abroad.I’ve got two kids to to provide for and look after without any financial help.
I’m exhausted…even the thought of reporting him or making an application for an order freaks me out.I been there before and then things calmed down for a while but now it’s back to full on abuse.
However, I am keeping all the evidence and I know I shouldn’t let him get away with it.But if I report him, his family will stop contact again and my children love having them in their lives and their dad.It is just all too much…

[Neueranfang]

Thanks so much for taking the time and read my post twisted sister.
It has been all a bit too much recently and I am feeling the impact of it now.Not only mentally but also physically.My son is much better and I have to go back to work asap really but I don’t feel up to it.I feel drained and don’t know how to change it.
My ex caused a lot of pain since I left him.I didn’t have any contact with his mum or the rest of his family prior to my son’s illness.My children’s school is literally next door to my MIL but she never helped.Only now.I was so upset all them months as I was very close to his family.All my family are abroad and of course I wasn’t allowed friends.So the only people I would socialise with would be his family.But once I left him, he put a stop to it and his mum allowed it.They made me pay hundreds of pounds for childcare so I can go to work when they were all next door to our children’s school not doing nothing.My ex is always around his mum’s and lives 5 min away.It is almost impossible to have a relationship with her and his sisters but without him.It just feels like I can never be free from him.When he is kind , I enjoy having a break from being called names but he soon wants something back for being kind and when I tell him, I won’t get back to him, the abuse starts again.Nearly a (detail removed by Moderator)… this has been going on.It was almost easier when I was with him.I just can’t keep going like this….

[Neueranfang]

Thank you all so much for your kind words.I felt horrendous yesterday.Exhausted, lack of sleep…so depressed.We did have a good sleep last night in a warm house…thank God but I had to move the rest of our stuff out of our old home (removed by moderator) while the kids were at school.I don’t even have a car at the moment (removed by moderator).Anyway I rented a car (removed by moderator) and just went back and forwards loading it up.Our old home was (removed by moderator)and I really had to push myself.It was so hard without anyone helping.My back is killing me and I’m absolutely exhausted.It makes me really sad all this as I always had lots of friends until I met HIM and my family are all abroad.They couldn’t help me.I’m trapped here until I have full custody as I can’t just move the kids abroad.I should be happy in the new house but I’m not.The last two days have been so hard and so many things went wrong anf I haven’t got anyone to turn to.My cooker isn’t working as there is an issue with the wiring.So every time I turn it on, the fuse goes plus I noticed a little leak.And again it would take a week for someone from the council to come out.It is impossible.I’m back to work (removed by moderator)…full time.I also had to tell my ex that we moved as he wanted to speak to the kids.When I unblocked him he told me that (removed by moderator).He then accused me of being in bed with someone else etc.I told him that we had moved and then got more abuse.Obviously I didn’t tell him where to.But that was the ultimate loss of control.He’s been doing this all through the holidays ‘passing through’ every other day demanding that the kids (removed by moderator) but really he was just checking if I was there and controlling me.Even though he didn’t live with us anymore, it was still my prison.

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your reply.Today has been a very stressful day.I couldn’t stop crying.The council told me that the earliest appointment to get my boiler up and running is next Wednesday and because my children are not under one, we are not a priority.I still can’t believe that they would leave me without hot water or heating in this cold weather for a week.We were so cold yesterday, we could hardly sleep.My kids started sneezing and I couldn’t leave the fan heaters on all night.Anyway after wasting a lot of time crying today, I picked myself up and contacted British gas.I decided to pay for it myself.My mum sent some money over.It was expensive but it’s warm now.I couldn’t have done another night.Thank you so much for your kind words!

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your replies and sorry it took me so long to post.I am still unwell with Covid and I feel like it has taken all of my physical and mental strength away from me.Just like you I often ask myself what I have done wrong other than leaving my abuser?I don’t understand why his mum erased me from her life.It makes things worse as she knows exactly what I was going through with him and she promised me to support me in every way when leaving him.My Ex partner’s dad abused her for over (detail removed by Moderator) years and nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years ago she left him.Nevertheless she is enabling her son’s abusive behaviour.I haven’t had any support from her.Not even a text asking how I am.Shortly after leaving my Ex, I would pop around his mum’s for a coffee during my lunch break but every time I did, she felt anxious he would turn up and I didn’t feel welcome.So I stopped doing it.(detail removed by Moderator) I took our kids abroad for a few weeks to see my family and my Ex mother in law didn’t even bother texting or ringing us on my son’s birthday.Then when we got back she complained that I didn’t send her any pictures of our holiday.Unfortunately I couldn’t backfire at her she did it in front of other people at my (detail removed by Moderator) birthday.So I bit my tongue for the peace.I feel very much let down by her.Ironically she lives next to (detail removed by Moderator).However, she doesn’t help with childcare.She knows I am paying hundreds of pounds a month for both my children to attend breakfast club and after school club and she also knows that her son is not supporting me financially.She hasn’t paid maintenance at all so far.Nevertheless she chooses not to help.I think it is disgusting what they are doing.She also knows that my family are abroad.I don’t have anyone here….

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your lovely replies.I will try and find the energy to get the ball rolling and sort out this huge debt he left 🥲I am working full time and studying part time as it is really important for me to get a degree.My Ex made me drop out of uni over (detail removed by Moderator) ago and he wasn’t happy for me to go back to my studies.So I’m doing it now but it is very full on.Dealing with the ongoing daily abuse, full time job, part time studies and being a single mum to two boys.Now one of my kids contracted covid and we are at home.I constantly have to take time off work due to being ill or something with the kids.We are not co parenting.He is just demanding to see the kids every now and then.That’s it.He’s got drug problems and it seems to be getting worse since I left nearly (detail removed by Moderator) ago.Maybe better if the boys don’t see him.My family are abroad.I can’t go and see them over Christmas because of Covid and there is generally nothing to look forward to.

[Neueranfang]

Thank you ladies 🙏🏻

[Neueranfang]

Hi,
Social services have been involved in my life these last few months.They have been involved before (years ago) when I called the police after my Ex assaulted me.Back then, they just rung me up to have a chat but closed the case quickly.Basically every time the police gets called, ss get notified as well as my children’s school.My Ex moved out (after a final attack) a few months ago.Social services were satisfied that I left him and they were about to close the case but because my Ex started stalking me and I reported it…they escalated our case.They have to protect the children as domestic abuse is child abuse.I don’t find my social worker that helpful as she seems to be ticking boxes rather than having a true understanding of domestic abuse but I don’t mind working with her to keep the kids safe and I told her the truth.When I first heard from social services, I was mortified and cried a lot because there is a certain stigma attached to social services.I felt like a bad parent and was scared to lose my kids.However, they just want to make sure the children are ok and not growing up witnessing domestic abuse x

[Neueranfang]

Thank you xx

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your replies ladies.
So very helpful to read about your experiences and hear your thoughts.
Today has been even worse than yesterday as I hardly slept and then couldn’t hold back the tears when at work.I just bursted out in tears so many times today and cried all through my lunch break.I suppose being tired didn’t help.Every single time I tried to talk about it, I started crying again.
So painful but I don’t even know why.All along I wished for him to move on to the next ‘supply’but I just didn’t expect it to happen that quickly.
And you are right with everything you are saying.He wanted to hurt me again and he did.
He’s toxic and I have to focus on myself but that’s easier done than said xxx

[Neueranfang]

Thanks for your replies and suggestions.
I will look into it but I only needed a little help to tie me over until payday.I should be ok with my wages just had these very high, unexpected childcare costs to deal with in order to continue working full time.
Very stressful day but my Ex partner’s sister helped me out.I did feel horrible asking but she didn’t mind.xxx

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