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    • #136823

      Thank you for your replies, you have both been so helpful. I had some idea of the things you have said but nowhere near the same knowledge but I’m so glad I know now.

      I have a record myself and some photos and texts. He used to delete a lot of evidence so I don’t have everything but I have enough if anything were to come of it.

      I also have my counsellor who has agreed to write a statement if ever required.

      I wanted to log what happened in case it happens to his new girlfriend as I can just sense it. It sounds stupid but I just feel like there is more to come. I really hope not but I just have a gut feeling.

      I think I will keep it to myself for now. Thank you for your support and advice xx

    • #136005

      Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has had a lovely day. May 2022 bring us all safety and happiness.

      I am so glad I joined such a strong group of women. The support here is something I never thought I would have. Thank you x

    • #136004

      Thank you for your replies and support, it means the world! I have been in a much better head space today and understand that it is totally out of my control. I can only focus on myself and my new life without him which I am so so grateful for.

      Merry Christmas everyone. May 2022 bring us happiness x

    • #135933

      I can understand everyone’s thoughts on this but I also think until he gives you reason not to trust him why not just trust him?

      He could go against this and hurt you OR he could turn out to just be an honest person and treat you right.

      It is so hard to trust people after an abusive relationship but I also believe in gut feelings. If your gut says to run a mile, trust it!

      At the same time, you can’t tarnish everyone with the same brush but you can be cautious.

      Try to give people a chance. It can feel like a big leap but it might be the best thing you do.

      I have moved on from my ex and not once have I questioned trust in my new partner as I just feel it. It is hard to describe but I just know he is a good person.

      Hope this helps x

    • #135932

      Thank you for posting this and for everyone’s replies. I have been thinking about this post for a few days now as I feel like I could’ve written it all myself.

      Here are a few things I struggle with –

      1) Bad dreams, very vivid dreams of him doing awful things to me, usually resulting in me dying. I wake up in a panic then realise I’m safe but it is usually in my head all day.

      2) Getting used to ‘normal’ things, doing things I never used to be able to do, understanding that not everyone is out to abuse me.

      3) Realisation that he is a monster and did some truly awful things to me. We were in a long-term relationship so grew up together so it is hard to see him as the person he truly is.

      4) Seeing my dog cower at things, sometimes growl at men if he feels fearful but also seeing the progress he has made since we left. I always thought he had a food regression issue, turns out he is absolutely fine. It was my ex who used to tower over him and corner him then do awful things to him whilst he was eating. It makes me so sad to think of it now.

      5) I still do things and avoid certain things in order to keep me safe. I would never be phased before him but now I just want to be safe. It is the most important thing to me and I comment on it a lot. I feel safe today or this is a safe area, I can go here and feel safe etc.

      6) It is cold and my fingers ache from when he broke them. I always have gloves with me to avoid this as best as I can to avoid the flashbacks.

      7) I am not as loving as I once was or as trusting. I notice it every day but cannot control it. I am hoping it will get easier/better.

      Sending love and strength to anyone who needs it today.

      We will get there one day x

    • #135931

      It’s a scary thing to do but how brave you are. I wish I could do the same.

      Don’t let him control you any longer by making you feel any type of way.

      He is the abuser, not you, and needs to be held accountable for his actions.

      You truly are amazing for taking such a big step for you and your kids. One day you will look back and realise that.

      Stay strong x

    • #135930

      I can totally relate to this. I was with my abuser for (detail removed by moderator) years so how could he possibly not love me? There were times when I thought he did but realising that this was all part of it is the worst and so hard to get your head around.

      Try to think of all you have learnt from the relationship and how you would like to be treated going forward. You will never stand for it again and can tell yourself how brave you are. You might not have found your true strength had this not happened.

      It’s very hard to understand but things do become easier once you can see the positives.

      Sending love x

    • #135929

      I often wonder this too but the only reason I can think of is because they CAN. And how awful?! But please try not to let this thought take over as it is sad to think that some people think abuse is acceptable.

      Think of the positives, you are kind and caring, willing to give people chances. Only the wrong people will take advantage of this but think of all the people who will give back to you x

    • #135928

      Write down all of the bad things, days, memories, feelings and look back on it when you have moments of weakness.

      I had plenty of weak moments and went back numerous times but when I finally found myself in a headspace where he couldn’t control me or persuade me it was a big relief and he had no idea what to do.

      It was upsetting to read back what I had been through but it helped me on the bad days to push through it for a better life.

      Sending love x

    • #135927

      I was in an abusive relationship and can relate to what you wrote so I would say so. If you think it is abuse then it probably is unfortunately. Sometimes you have to experience ‘normal’ to understand and see it x

    • #135926

      I just came out with it all when it got too much to keep to myself any longer. Probably the ‘ripping the band aid off’ method. But have a think of what you think would work best for you and make you feel most comfortable.

      Good luck x

    • #134117

      Sorry to hear you are going through this.

      It is extremely hard for the first month or so but day by day it will get easier.

      I was the same for a good few months and still have bad days now and I’m not sure I’ll ever properly come to terms with what has happened to me but I am a firm believer in time is a great healer so give it time.

      You will get there I’m sure. Just focus on you and what’s important, do things that make you happy and you will see a light at the end of the tunnel xx

    • #134116

      So sorry to hear you are going through this.

      It definitely sounds like abuse to me and although he may not have been physical towards you, he is being emotionally abusive and his behaviour is unacceptable whichever way you look at it.

      It can also start as something like this and then escalate. I really hope not but please be mindful as it started this way with me.

      Think hard about what you want in life and what kind of a person you want to be with then take steps from there. It won’t be easy but it’s a start xx

    • #134115

      I can’t offer any advice, sadly, but I can say that we are all here for you and if you need to rant then do it, get it all off your chest.

      Sending love and strength. I am sure you will overcome this one way or another.

      It is frustrating and very sad to know what they do to us but we can’t let them defeat us.

      Hope you and your daughter are OK xx

    • #134114

      Hi Eggshells

      Thank you for your reply.

      How long has it been for you?

      I am trying to be kind to myself and have had counselling too but I guess I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself.

      I know we have to help ourselves but I just feel crap because I didn’t ask for any of this. It’s all him and now I am suffering.

      Of course I want to overcome it and in order to do this I have to take steps but it just feels like a losing battle.

      Why should he get away with it and I am left with the scars?

      It is so sad for us all but I also understand that how I feel now is only temporary.

      Hope you are OK.


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