Nineten

[Nineten]

I feel le I’ve put too much into that home. I stayed with my sister for a while once and he was just super comfy at my house whilst I knconvienianced my sisters household and uprooted my son…I also slept on the.floor coz only one bed and my sister doesn’t even breathe in her perfect living room so I wouldn’t have dreamed i could sleep (detail removed by Moderator). I avoid her as much as I can coz I’m embarrassed of my house, he.makes everything gross, shaves literally anywhere onto anything uses everything as a hanger, his clothes.are.ov3r every chair, every door, every anywhere he cam hang stuff and heaven forbid I move anything. Xx

[Nineten]

Thank you Auriel, the (location based helpline removed by Moderator) is new.to me I will Google thank you xx

[Nineten]

Thank you. I’m proud of my teen I feel like if I let him out with his friends later il be the worst parent e ever and it will be his justification to ignore me all evening and sleep on my sofa…but my son actually did nothing wrong yesterday. I was satisfied, but thats not enough. Plus letting him out for a while gets him out of the horrible atmosphere. I just want my space back, but getting him to actually go requires even more of my energy and its already spent. I’ve done nothing at work today and my partner has probably slept half the morning and is now playing computer games sat there telling himself and anyone who will listen how hard done by he is.
I have note pads from over the years and sometimes if I read it back I can’t believe he has been treating me this way for a decade…but logging it in notepads hasn’t helped, I will still feel sick all the way home and when I get there I will wish I was back at work. He says he was abused as a child so its apparently impossible for him to be abusive the fact that he doesn’t physically hit us means we should be greatfull, apparently if I got with a new man he will definalty beat me because I’m lucky current partner is so cool and collected and doesn’t hit me despite me being so vile to live with. He calls me a bully constantly and he is so much better with words, I end up rambling, confused and not even sure what I’m defending. There is never a resolution he just eventually accepts all.my faults and declares himself a hero. I will look for that book on my audible…maybe have a listen today seeing as I’m getting no work done. Its so hard being at work, using almost 3/4 of my wage to pay for my home and he is probably there on my sofa right now, curtains all closed, room smoked out, porn on the TV. Its gotten to the.point my sofa grosses me out, he keeps sleeping and sweating all over it then my front room is where he does all of his self satisfying….he will literally leave the baby oil on my coffee table he wants me to see it. If I say anything, its all because I don’t appreciate him enough and if I would just do exactly as I’m told at all.times it would be fine. I really think the communal part of our home should be for everybody but.its full of his stuff, literally old boxers on the sofa screwed up like its his right. Even when I read back what I’ve written there’s so much more back story and other stuff but I.dont want to clear my name anymore,I don’t care if people belove his lies, I just wanna Potter round my house, looking after my things making it all nice, but he says that’s not ok, everything has to be set up for his.convieniance…he will use the bath, get out and walk away, then hours later.wnen I get home there is his dirty bath water chances are 5he toilet is blocked and ANY slight sign of annoyance from me is shot.down immediately by saying what a whore I am. In his imagination I have the energy and mental space to have a couple men that wait around for me to pop to tescos or leave a little earlier for work so they can have 5minutee quicky. If I really had all these men waiting around the corner, men that would probably.pay their own way and respect my home why does he think he is soo great I would completely pay for all his living cost, rent, council tax Internet all of that and have independqny capable men willing to get 5 minutes around the.corner..and what is wrong with these men that they would accept that??..and I still manage to get the shopping done. He seems to think he is that notorious and that desirable that even these phantom men are just using me coz I know him. !?

He has (detail removed by Moderator) declared he is leaving and plans to humiliate me as if this life with him isn’t humiliating enough. Honestly I hope he does leave but I know he won’t. I just sat for 5 hours af work and did nothing…so mmy work week is getting busier and busier and I just keep fantasising about getting in my car and driving and driving and driving I really don’t care where. I will look up what you suggested now. Sometimes I cope and I can completely disregard his warped opinions today I feel like I’m failing at everything and any benefits there are to my life he gets all of them. So why am I here working for him basically. I want my space back, my clean house with all my little bits I’ve treasured and (detail removed by Moderator). Reading through here is eye opening, so ma.y people saying things I couldn’t have put.into words…he completely dumbfuddles me and I end up defending the fact I was ever born. Defending family members of mine he hasn’t even met because he just declares people things, he doesn’t know them or anything about them but he will tell me with certainty he knows people ‘like them therfore he is already over informed and obviously his perception of them is correct. (Detail removed by Moderator).   He calls everyone except himself ‘the general public’ and no matter what subject we are discussing he will tell me.ive misunderstood everything and I’m wrong…even if we are talking about innocent children being shot at school. He disgusts me, but I still constantly.strive for.his approval. I need out but he has no where to go and won’t go. Do i really want.the ordeal of police and dreaded social services? I’m gonna read up a little for now but thanks for listening/reading this has already helped me just get through this.morning. xxxx

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