Onwardsupwards

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I often wonder, and think we’ll he did. He wanted to protect t me. But then, no He was controlling me! All of it is about control😪

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I’ve been feeling the same way and just read this. Never heard of trauma bonding, but I thought I’d research it and suddenly it makes so much sense! All of a sudden I understand my own feelings and thoughts. It hasn’t helped particularly just yet, I feel a sense of loss too and keep thinking he does love me. But really, he doesnt. Love isn’t supposed to hurt and leave scars. I’ve always known that but the battle in my head…

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I feel like I’m going mad. Today one memory is harassing me something terrible. It is the first time there was a red flag, like it was being shoved in my face with a horn screaming get out!
It was very soon into the relatuonship, I was very young and also been a bit of a Tom boy, play fighting and things. So that is what I was doing at that moment. But he pinned me to the ground and wouldn’t let me up. He was saying all sorts of odd things, then a friend came out and shouted me. He jumped up and said it was just a joke. But then when she’d gone he carried on. later he told me that it was just messing and he maintained that for years. But now I think it wasnt? I mean it’s not normal is it? I never questioned it before but it’s not a normal “joke”
Feel better putting that down in writing, I hope this isn’t a problem.

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Thank you! I just feel so up and down. I’ve heard of PTSD and now you mention it I can see it’s possible. I think I will try to get round to talking to someone. I have been feeling the urge to scream it at his family some days!

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Sally11@ it’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. One him in happy, the next I can’t help but wish it could all have been diffeent. But I know he can’t get to me physically anymore. My children know it’s calmer here. I’m sure youre future is full of so much happiness! Have you contacted anyone from womensaid?

Thank you for the boost ❤

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I was maybe a little too optimistic…… My daughters really unwell and I think it might be covid. Me and the children are now stuck in here for 2 weeks, more of one of the others catch it. The temptation to ask to come.back has been huge! I’m missing the company, and the fact he is good with the children. Our youngest only settles for him at night, always has which makes this so hsrd.
But then at the same time some of.the worse things pop.in my head. How did he hurt me time and time again and continue to deink, or continue to do it? Life is feeling so unfair right now😪

Realistically I know I’m never going back, I need to remain strong but it’s hard tonight to keep that thought glong. I’ve always taken him back. 😫😫

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I have tried all these years to tell him. I remember when I was pregnant after a particularly bad moment, then next not ing I tried to tell him what he’s done. He was convinced I was making it up. He told me it would never happen again but it did. Over and over. His thing to say was “apparently”

He made me disbelieve mhself, I was so young and innocent I had no idea. I knew his behaviour was wrong but I kept giving him chances.

He doesn’t accept it and says we are both as bad as each other!
I hope one day he will though but I’m beginning to feel.I want some people to know. Not my family, they’d go mad, but maybe his family and my friends

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Follow how you feel. I think your right, it is controlling not to mention extreme to live alongside someone and ignore them for (detail removed by Moderator) weeks. It takes a lot of self control.
If you don’t wish to sleep.in the bed with him then just follow your instinct x
I watched something on BBC iPlayer this morning called is this coercive control and it’s opened my eyes to the smaller things that happened right at the very beginning of the relatonship and all of the way through.
I hope your ok! I’m just out of my relationship and it’s a huge sense of release!

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I left my man repeated, six months ago I kicked him and he was certain it could work and I really wanted us to work, even now I love him. But it didn’t last long; it’s over now forever.
You are not the home breaker he is! You are strong, you just have to remind yourself of that. Think about you and your future for just a moment and you will find the strength.b

I wish I’d followed my own advice, I know it’s easier said than done. Do you have support from anyone outside the home? Xx

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Hi kip thanks for replying! He can be centrepiece he’s had too much to drink! However, he is the best dad, especially now he’s left. He adores his kids so that will now be out only contsct. I have reached out to his (detail removed by Moderator) brother who has said he will support me in any way I need.

I have been looking into how to discuss the past with the children, I have also talked about why their dad is no longer here and they have told me it’s calmer. They are happy he’s gone but want To have regular contact, but as my oldest is (detail removed by Moderator) she can do that with him through her own phone if she misses him

I will certainly take a look at the book you suggested and do some Google searches to find out as much as I can to myself safe and sane!
I just want to find the new me now ❤ I would love to get to know people in here, from what I’ve looked at everyone seems so lovely. But it’s heart breaking to see so many have been through what I have. Far too many!

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Just so you know where it says counterpiece it’s meant to say dangerous 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ autocorrect!
Just opening you feel a sense of release, although I still miss him.
I want to go back to education, I’ve always wanted to go into social work. Not sure if my history would go against me. When im ready, I’ll look into it.

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I’ve just left but don’t feel confident telling my family. They’d believe me but id feel guilty for doing it. I have told his brother/brothers wife about the abuse. They were very supportive and told me they had suspicions but didnt realise how bad it had been. They told me to contact them if I needed anything and told me I should have told them a long time ago.
I hope all goes well for you ❤

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