Optimystic

[Optimystic]

Thank you so much. And my goodness, I’m being love bombed. I can’t believe it. There’s no remorse, no apology. My son was lovebombed first. Then me. Incredible. How do you deal with it? Also, the original point of the explosion has been twisted slightly. 🤔

[Optimystic]

Thank you very much guys. I was sitting thinking about all of the reasons why I’m so bad to get such a reaction and you have helped me see clearly again. And I understand why I feel sick and scared. I only said something because it was a rule he placed on me. It wasn’t a mutual agreement. He told me I wouldn’t be doing something. I normally keep my mouth shut, I don’t know what possessed me. I really appreciate, and need your insights when it gets so confusing and scary. Thank you, and all take care too xx 😊

[Optimystic]

Hiya, I relate to your experience very well. My son comes into my bed when we both have a sense of dread,it’s exactly that feeling of protection. I’ve tried talking too, but these men aren’t capable of rational, reasonable discussions. They won’t listen or ever put us first. My partner will lose his servant and his emotional punchbag so he won’t ever go. Do you have somewhere you and the kids can go temporarily? I have a solicitor appointment soon, someone who only deals in family law and she has experience of domestic abuse. I think it’s impossible to sort out the house and custody without this support. You might be able to have him removed for a period of time at least to sort these things out. Good luck! But after all my emotional wrangling and feeling trapped, I know my only option is to leave, have my solicitor guide me and for her to get me what I can x

[Optimystic]

I’ve just emailed a solicitor! They’re closed so wasn’t expecting a reply, but I got a really kind one back very quickly. This has made me feel really good 😊 x. She only specialises in family law and has experience with domestic abuse. 🤞

[Optimystic]

*I mean my partner’s rage and anger not my son’s x

[Optimystic]

He’s (detail removed by Moderator) KIP. He’s said before that he wants to leave and that we’d need police on the door or we’d need to be packed already or he’d kill us. His rage and anger makes him think this. Christmas Eve was horrible. I got verbally abused and a cushion kicked in my face. My son just looked bereft. I said, after Christmas we must leave. That’s when he then said, no! I won’t go with you. I spent the rest of the night just focusing on him and trying to make it happy. We even went downstairs and all played a game together. He’s very confused poor thing.

[Optimystic]

This breaks my heart GT. I was told my food that I made was rank and that he wanted his own food budget. Isn’t it funny, these themes all match? All I would say to you is please, please confide in someone. (detail removed by Moderator) years it took me! But, I am believed and I have support. When you talk to someone, everything becomes real. Like, we’re no longer imagining it and that it’s not all in our heads. Even just saying things are bad at home and you’re struggling to cope is perhaps enough for now? You don’t need to give details. Gradually, you’ll divulge more and from there you’ll hopefully come up with an option. It took me a relatively short time to go from trapped, guilty and full of self doubt to feeling like, yes I’m scared but I know what I must do. You cannot live the best years of your life like this. You are a lovely, good person that deserves to be treated right. Just like you treat others. Talk to someone. I think it will be ok xx

[Optimystic]

I just can’t thank you all enough! I’ve been reading these posts over and over and everytime I’m reduced to tears. You’re all so wonderful and smart and clever. I just can’t believe you care about me so much, it’s just amazing. He said drunkenly (detail removed by Moderator) when I’m going to sleep that he feels unloved, gets no affection and if it wasn’t for our son he wouldn’t be here. I got a pathetic apology this morning. The drama just doesn’t seem to end. You are all so brave and strong. This is my favourite post and I’m going to read your replies over and over. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💓. I love you are all so much happier xx

[Optimystic]

I can identify with you. My gut knew things were wrong a long time ago but lockdown really opened my eyes. Emotional and psychological abuse clear as day. I too am dreading Christmas as I know it will get worse. There are options a solicitor can give you re getting rid of him. I’m planning to move out temporarily but get back asap and him not being there. Good luck with everything x

[Optimystic]

Yes KIP, I immediately thought what are you up to now? He never mentioned it at all when he got home. And you’re right, my head was spinning with confusion. I’d been off with him the day before, so it all makes sense now. Gaslighting? Yes I agree Watersprite and it’s a comfort to me that it’s a common tactic albeit new to me. Thank you all v much for your responses, you’ve really helped me again xx

[Optimystic]

When I eventually get his name changed to that in my phone I’ll know I’ve made it ladies! I think many would say it’s nice he’s concerned about us. I just feel unnerved by it. A call from work 2 days after an abusive incident? Straight into mental health concerns? Not a peep before. Just horrible nastiness? I am amazed every week.

[Optimystic]

Camel, you have given me a giggle. We’re still living together for now. Thank you KIP as always. I decided to go and buy nice food, make a nice tea, not be depressed. Nothing was mentioned of the call when I got home. But he picked on our son for no reason, and shouted at me to stop whining at him. Commented on the quiet dinner table. I swear I was making an effort! So I guess he’s not that worried about my mental health? Do you think he’s planning to use my mental health against me? I’m still very confused about this call x

[Optimystic]

Yeah, I agree with you and I was ready to take him tomorrow but getting out the house, packing, while his dad’s at home and him battling me just overwhelms me. I know I’ll get there. Thank you everyone x

[Optimystic]

Thank you but it’s just not gonna happen 😰. It’s too much for him to deal with and now he’s feeling guilty when his dad’s all happy. This is impossible x

[Optimystic]

Thanks Hawthorn. I do have fighting spirit and I always have, you’re right! He’s sucking it out of me. I’m going to do just that, save it for getting out ❤️

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