Parasol Lady

[Parasol Lady]

Hello, I am new on here and my case is a little different as my husband has died a few years ago now and it was not until afterwards that I have come to realise what happened in the many years we were together. He was a lot older than me and I was with him from when I was (detail removed by Moderator) and he was twice my age. After he died I was so shocked that the predominant emotion was relief as well as sadness and yes I loved him as he was my world. Literally, I had no other world except him and my children. Contact with my family was very limited and controlled, I missed many a family wedding and celebrations because he did not like parties & thought my family common. I was not able to make friends or go anywhere without him. I was ‘ encouraged’ to wear clothes he thought were suitable and any thoughts I had differing to his were scorned and dismissed. To others he was charming, funny , an expert at his job, colleagues admired him. He did what he wanted, went on days out supporting his football team & spending time with his older children from 1st marriage. I was not allowed to do anything like that. I had to be at home when he arrived back and he would never tell me what time he would be back but expected food to be ready for him. Even though we both worked full time it was expected that I would cook proper home made meals every evening as well have responsibility for all the children’s school evenings, plays and being around in the holidays and sorting child care. He did everything financial, controlled where we went on holidays and did not let the children have friends home etc. I accepted this as I thought he did all this because he loved me and wanted us to be together all the time and just be a family together. We did not need outsiders, meaning my family or friends. Unless of course, it was his family and friends he made we socialised with. When he died I found I was unable to function and struggled with doing all the practical tasks that needed doing. He planned his own funeral and even packed up his belongings to be donated to a charity shop of his choosing as he didn’t think I could do the job properly. I changed nothing after he died for over (detail removed by Moderator) years, it has taken up until last year when I finally broke down for me to fully realise I could do what I wanted, throw out furniture and ornaments I had not picked and hated looking at, wear what I choose to and start to bring to the fore the person I was at (detail removed by Moderator) again. Be myself and live my life. Still finding my way and at nearly (detail removed by Moderator) have realised that looking forward rather than back is so much healthier. It will come with support and help and you will win. I have had counselling, love & support from children & friends and colleagues which have helped enormously. I wish everyone in this position can find the strength to go forward and be the person they are and deserve to be. Sorry this went on a bit. Thank you for listening. 🌹 P.S. I eat mostly crumpets, bacon sandwiches, soup, salads and cake etc these days because I like eating them and don’t have to cook meals every day now if I don’t want to! Little victories…🙂

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