Penny21

[Penny21]

Thank you all so much for your words. It really means a lot to know I’m not alone.

It’s like I still can’t accept it’s happening and I just feel like I’m overreacting but then I remember that I’ll do anything to keep the peace and avoid an argument, or if he bangs the door or something really loud I immediately panic and think oh no what have I done or what can I be blamed for. I know now That is not a normal or happy relationship.

You are all so amazing and I’m sending you virtual hugs. I live in hope we can get through this together xxx

[Penny21]

Thank you so much for your replies. It means so much to me and has made me see I’m not going mad!

There’s One other thing I wanted to talk about which has weighed on me for a long time and I live in fear of. I am in debt and he doesn’t know.

He was self employed for a long time but wasn’t making money from it and didn’t want to work for anyone so he basically let me pay all the bills on my own for a number of years which I hate him for. I ended up remortgaging the house to pay the debts I built up and never told him because I didn’t want to worry him and I was scared of him. He’s since got a job and is contributing but It’s now getting to a point where he’s going to find out soon as we’re selling the house and he will expect there to be some profit but there won’t be (it’s in my name only). I can’t tell you how many sleepless nights this has given me and I hate myself so much for getting in this mess. I dread the day he finds out and I live in fear of it. It’s making me ill and I can’t see a way out. I’ve thought of suicide so many times but can’t do that to my son. I feel so ashamed.

[Penny21]

He actually said to me a few weeks ago that I’m so lucky to have him as he treats me so well!! He thinks because he doesn’t hit me or cheat and gives me (some but not enough) money towards the bills he’s a good man. He doesn’t see the emotional abuse. I actually wanted to laugh at him. I have so much hatred for him that any love I had is just dying away.

[Penny21]

Thank you both so much for your replies. I’ve just bought the book for my kindle and can already see that he’s a bully from the descriptions. It will be interesting reading am sure and I hope it will give me some strength to leave eventually.

Thank you again xx

[Penny21]

Hi Chestnut. We got married after I remortgaged (which believe me I regret!). We live in another house at the moment which we rent which I love. It’s a long story but I couldn’t continue living in the old house. It’s in a bad area and I hated it. It made me ill. We rented it out for a while but then just got bad tenants which caused more problems. There won’t be any money from the sale of the house. If anything I’ll owe a little bit but he doesn’t know this and I feel so deceitful. I have a lot of support from friends and family, some who know my situation.

[Penny21]

Thank you so much it means such a lot to me x

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