Poppy

[Poppy]

Thankyou KIP for your reply,I’m sorry to hear you went through such a lengthy time in that situation,but happy to hear that you broke away from it all.I have today spoken with womens aid who have kindly listened,gave good advice and pointing me to other agencies. Unless I could record it all I feel it’s so difficult to tell it all because it’s so painful,also always getting told when they hear his side no one will believe me.I try to save money aside for a future away from him and he reminds me that my house from my housing association will be taken from me if he goes and that I will be on the streets with no income i have sleepless nights,cant eat and have aniexty attacks.He apologies after he has said or done something nasty to me and tells me not to mention it again as its him that has to deal with the guilt,he shows no empathy.Being constantly shouted at then ignored plus his foul language has just got so bad I just feel worthless,no confidence and I feel a prisoner not just to him but a prisoner of my own fears too,I feel ashamed and angry with myself that I’ve been humiliated by mental and physical abuse and allowed it to continue because I’m so scared of being alone.

[Poppy]

Thankyou Cecile for your advice. I have a disability and other health issues,but had no idea about being registered disabled.I called the police many years ago and he was found guilty but were I thought that was the end and it would all be ok,it wasnt he behaved for a short while then resumed with the violence and mental abuse,not being strong and not getting help I played right into his hands. Not being able to have an opinion,being told your in the wrong constantly and useing past abuse reminders from a previous marriage made me believe it was all my fault.

[Poppy]

Thankyou for the replies,i know one day I will finally get him out of my life,most days all I can think of is him and what the day is going to be like,its like ground hog day everyday. When he sees that I am quiet,he starts to act all loving and sweet,that’s because he is worried if I’m contemplating getting him out of here,if I respond to anything that is upsetting me I get threatened that he will leave me then,trying to install fear in me to keep me afraid.I have respite when he has gone to work,but watching the clock when it’s time for him to come back,I relish the day that I will be well again mentally and take back my life,its bad enough having a disability but being made worse by a violent narcissistic person.

[Poppy]

Thankyou Lostone for such a lovely thoughtful reply. Someone out there thought of me today is warming to know. It’s not a good day I have not been able to stop breaking down and annoyed with myself for letting another person abuse me and feel I’m weak.My self confidence is rock bottom,if I can still be with a person although I cant say when it happened that tried to strangle me and then got told it’s because I would not keep quiet I feel there has to be something wrong with myself,no normal person would let that happen to them and do nothing.

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