Rabbits

[Rabbits]

I am struggling to get rid of someone. I have a dark sense of humour and often message him when I’m bored. I feel like I am standing up to him because I do dark jokes about his behaviour to him.
He’s round the bend and I only ever see him in a crowded area never alone. I have also gone on a mission to see my friends all the time and get to know as many people as humanly possible, but it feels weird not to be able to walk away. Being addicted to a person is frightening and I feel out of control and miserable now all the time. When I think he’s gone and that I am healing everything seems clear and I feel light and happy

[Rabbits]

Right now I’m happy about the weekend, but I know he is going to show up and spoil it! I don’t have any say on when we meet whatsoever and never have. I sometimes feel so desperate

[Rabbits]

He is an absolute cunt and I don’t know how to get away from him. We are like a married couple on the phone and text he is right inside my head. He says we are going to meet  all the time when he has no intention of meeting me. He says he doesn’t know what he is doing until he does it, so he turns up out of the blue at things I don’t really want him at. He hits on other women in front of me and talks about relationships he has with other women where he does all the things he says we will do together but immediately doesn’t follow up on and that I’d love to do together. I know what he is up to and know all his moves, but I can’t just tell him to fuck off and block him is this abuse. Sometimes I feel desperate, but sometimes I’m not bothered about him. I don’t know if he is damaging me and this worries me because I don’t want to drive nice people away

[Rabbits]

I have a trauma bond with this guy. I stopped all contact by phone etc now he comes in my pub all the time. There are loads of people around and I don’t feel scared of him. I noticed big red flags from day one, but I had seen all these floated ideas so many times before from other people I had been with that I know what’s coming next. I just think not that old chestnut you can do better than that. I speak to him because I want to hear what crap is coming next. Am I stupid or what?

[Rabbits]

Alternate (detail removed by moderator). If you think he’s abusing the kids or putting them in danger stop contact

[Rabbits]

An abuser has a very low self esteem. They think they are not good enough. The only way they can feel important, and not absolutely overwhelmed by anxiety, is if they are abusing and controlling women. You stood up to him, so he couldn’t negotiate with you on equal terms if his life depended on it. To co parent after separation you need to be able to negotiate equally he can’t do that.
If you do have to go to court don’t vent in front of or to the children makes sure you have enough support where you can vent a lot. Support groups etc. I did that and although I not do it maliciously I regret doing it now as it did not help.

Don’t go back to him because children, who grow up with domestic violence carry the most scars it is the worst environment you can give a child and children who live in this environment will get mental ill health issues and behavioural issues and physical health problems. The bottom line is it’s child abuse. Your abuser has a problem.

[Rabbits]

None of this is your fault. If you contact him it will (detail removed by moderator), but you will be putting your hand into a snake pit. If you set up contact he might not bring them back. If he doesn’t bring them back you will have to apply to court and all the while you are waiting they will be with him. I’d say wait until you get the court letter.
The plus point of him not being involved is that your mental health will not be completed destroyed and you will be more available for your children and for yourself. That is better for the children. You can all move on.
(detail removed by moderator), but it won’t go away. It destroyed my life and I think it was responsible for my sons behaviour towards me now.

[Rabbits]

I think where there is intimate partner DV there is the strongest emotion to push the abuser as far away as possible away from you and everyone you care about so they don’t get hurt as well. Mine are grown up now and both still have a relationship with him if that’s any help. We had about (detail removed by moderator) I had some emotional peace where they lied about it. They said they didn’t see or speak to him. The children don’t care if he is abusing you they just think he is their dad. These men are very manipulative and they will know how to pull triggers, but the explosion is within you.
Making you think they won’t bring them back is the main one. Fear of loosing a child is the worst emotional pain that exists, so they are going to push that button.
I had to fight and it was torture, but there were periods of calm where myself and my children were ecstatically happy. As soon as the court stopped my son started abusing me. Then when I kicked my son out and he said I want you out of my life my daughter came clean about still having a relationship with her father and what a great guy he was.
It’s not easy! You have to fight, it’s painful and confusing, but I don’t regret standing up to him. Keep your fingers crossed he might (detail removed by moderator).

[Rabbits]

“I am violent and abusive to my wife, but I am a fantastic, gifted, award winning and world class parent”

[Rabbits]

I experienced DV from the father now I am experiencing DV from my son. The feeling of grief is sometimes that bad that I am frightened to be in my own body and need to escape as the pain is that bad. I found watching Gabor Maté helpful.

Their father’s behaviour devastated my life and all my family relationships ended in the middle of this grief and horrific stress my children were born.

I think there should be more education for young women on the impact of starting a family with a male who has to control women as the impact can last generations.

[Rabbits]

What is the relationship like in these circumstances: the father is controlling with women is the relationship between the father and his child a healthy relationship?
Father and son relationship
Father and daughter relationship

It’s a question we are not allowed to ask.
Is the need to control, which is very strong with women completely switched off in relation to his children in his relationship with children?

They talk about fathers abusing their kids to hurt the mother, but no one ever talks about the relationship they have with their kids as being anything, but healthy. Has anyone seen any studies on this.

I like the studies on how how severe stress placed on mothers in pregnancy and the early years of childhood effects development and can feed into child ADHD, anxiety, depression and trouble with stress etc.

It seems odd that the necessity to control isn’t secretly there with sons and a general attitude towards women won’t have any effect on girls sense of self esteem or ability to put in boundaries perhaps.

[Rabbits]

The Family Court were happy to be used by children’s father to control me. I have anxiety and depression, but I’m well supported and my illness is well managed. Anywhere else other than in the (detail removed by moderator)

[Rabbits]

Stop thinking about it. Concentrate on the good things in my life.

[Rabbits]

Domestic abuse will continue until someone puts their foot down. You have ended the relationship and moved out. The domestic violence is over and you have done the best thing that you could do for yourself and the people you love. Focus on the good things in your life

[Rabbits]

I am not sure if both of my brothers are abusing me. My mother and father did one of my brothers definitely and my son is. My brother used to hit my mum from being quite young. He was hyper and drove her insane. I can see similarities in my sons behaviour when he was a child. I am starting to think that my other brother, however, may not be abusing me. I don’t know if I should trust him. He may just be a bit of a coward.
I am also worried about my daughter as she trusts her brother and her father. Her father abused me. Can we do anything to protect daughters in this position? Should I trust my brother?

[Rabbits]

When I was a child my mum had a boyfriend. The tobacco pouch man. He always left stuff in our house so he could come back again later to pick it up. They can’t just be normal they have to be intimidating. Surround yourself with people who aren’t controlling. It takes your mind off it and you can have some peace and fun.

[Author]

Posts