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    • #23901
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @mummyof3 I often wonder if its the type of men I date that’s the problem. Or if its the starter weeks where I let them into my life and don’t create any boundaries. Truth is whatever it is, they still shouldn’t behave that way. It’s still them that abuse, we don’t abuse ourselves. Focus on yourself, self goals, when the times right or the person is right youll find someone who treats you as an equal

    • #23869
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @ayanna I’m working full time and going to start a course soon from home. i just hate that I’m still so alone. I don’t trust anyone around me. I don’t let people in.

    • #22323
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @ayanna I don’t know why I need it. I went away at the weekend came home and all of a sudden he needed to talk to me. It’s like he knows when I’m in a good mood and feels the need to take advantage and gain some attention. He use to mentally, emotionally and occasionally physically abuse me. Never enough to be viewed as a monster, and just enough to take away my own thoughts. He made me withdraw my uni applications, change my whole life. He use to say if I left him he’d kill himself. And he’d force feed me so no one else would want me. He cut my friends and family off. I was so Isolated and alone. His temper was awful, he’d often scream at me and pin me to walls/doors so I couldnt move away. He’d twist my wrist round in public. No one would ever help. I’d always think they were about to break and then he’d let go and tell me why it was all my own fault. I don’t know why I can’t let him go. He was supposed to be my future, I guess being alone reminds me that.

    • #21949
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @ayanna I used to be completely cut off from him, we use to not speak at all. But I constantly feared him appearing, and I had no way of controlling avoiding him. I have finally blocked him off my social media and left it to he can contact me by phone.

    • #21042
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @serenity She has always had life very easy, and I don’t really understand her. I think I forget I can put myself first. This week I decided to work less and go out shopping and things. I feel like I made a big step forward. I recently had a situation where I ended up explaining to my boss what had happened and this is rare for me. I hate to make a fuss but I had felt under a lot of pressure to be confident. But now my other boss wants to know why I am deemed to have ‘personal issue’.

    • #19376
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @ayanna Currently my situation is a bit confused. But then I don’t really remember a time when it wasn’t. My abuser remains in my life at a distance. He pretends to be a friend. I figure this is safer than an enemy. I try not to let him into my life, and keep things at small talk. But the mental abuse will continue. Whenever he sees I’m going away or struggling he reappears. It’s like I’m a toy. I’ve been trying to stay strong and not let myself end up back where i was. But I recently fell out with my sister, which has meant the very little family support i was getting is now gone. And my friends arent really suited to discussing it. They are young and don’t really understand.

      @Eve1
      I often feel alone, I feel like I’m just too damaged to let people in. And Now my sister has slept with the only guy that ever treated me properly, the only relationship i had a good memory of is now gone. I had always held onto it to show myself someone once thought i was worth treating properly, but its vanished. My last bit of self confidence has be taken. It’s so hard to explain it all to people, everyone just gets angry at him or pitys me. I get treated like i was stupid for not leaving him, like I had any say in the matter

    • #18035
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      I always pretend I’m happily single, truth is I’m not sure I ever will be. I have amazing adventures with amazing friends pretending the world is great. But inside I’m just praying I’ll stop feeling so numb and empty. I want to know that someone can love me. That I’m not the damaged girl he made me. That my opinions matter and that maybe I am pretty. I know it’s me that has to realize this but One night men and single life isn’t really helping me. I make men a challange. I pick guys I know wont want me and become exactly who they would want/. Really I just want someone to see through it.

    • #18034
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @millionpieces honestly I spent years wanting him back in my life. I finally built a life I was learning to love and the back he came. And when he’s around life just goes back to being a mess. I forget how my own brain works. I forget all sense of sanity. Why let someone who would happily swing at you alone with you after all this time of being free. Truth is there is no How to for this. We make our own recovery choices because no one else will ever understand. That how the abusers become so strong, because we don’t know how to cope. I just want to be a confident happy person. But currently I’m scared of my own shadow, and I just miss having someone there to share my life with. Isolated and alone in suffering isnt nice.

    • #17763
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      @healthyarchive it’s hard to admit that my hearts still broken from him. I should be free of this hurt but it feels like that will never happen now

    • #16801
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      I don’t think my ex understood love if I’m honest. He use to tell me the only thing he’d change about me was my surname one minute and the next minute he’d be obsessing over what pants I wore to work and if thats where i was really going. Thats not love. He wanted me to love him, some times he’d make me cry so that he could confirm I did.
      I can’t say he didnt love me he just loved me in his way, a very controlling and aggressive way.
      I told him I loved him out of fear most the time, and now it doesnt go away. Its like now i’ll always love him. His way of making sure he’d abuse me forever even when he could no longer physically.

    • #16800
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      My ex just started contacting me again after a couple years. Him and his girlfriend split and all of a sudden he’s back to trying to get hold of me. And he’s been using his ill nan as an excuse. You just have to remember that your not there support system. They don’t deserve your response. And technology has created ways for us to block them from contacting. I know it’s really hard but change your netflix password so he cant use it. Block him and his family on fb block there numbers.

    • #16584
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      Because carrying on is surviving and that means they didn’t win! Take pride in knowing that your future has hope x

    • #16499
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      that is very common. I miss his dog and his family and moments where I felt like I belonged. But then I realise that because he has made me feel so isolated as a person it’s the reason i want family. He made my family relationships so distanced and difficult and encouraged my issues with them.
      There will be a family one day that I belong to, and that’s what keeps me trying to move forward. One day I’ll be capable of a healthy relationship!

    • #16495
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      Hi,
      I’ve felt really alone in all of this for so long, it’s nice to see It’s not just me, as much as I wouldn’t wish this on anyone!!
      I’ve had no counselling, my GP referred me to TIME TO TALK, without really knowing why they were referring me, but when I called them they never phoned me back. I felt let down and haven’t tried again since.
      I wasn’t in contact with him for a while, and then his replacement relationship broke down and he found me through social media and got back in contact. I try not to talk to him but he always finds a new hook, currently his ill Nan.
      I’ve been looking for something to help keep me strong since his return. I realized that continuing to suffer alone is what he wants and it makes him stronger and I can’t go back to where I was.

    • #16329
      Rebuilding
      Participant

      I found I tend to just shut everyone out, I didn’t like questions even if they weren’t about him. I lost contact with everyone. My relationship with my own mother became cold and distant.
      I’m now (detail removed by moderator) years on, and my mothers one of my closest friends. But he has come back into my life recently and the first thing I found myself doing was shutting my mum out and lying to her.
      That type of relationship consumes you. I wasn’t me anymore.
      I just hope I’m strong enough to stop it from happening again and block his contact.

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