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    • #34097
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      Mine is a proven one and against a child too but i’m still bonkers? The system is disgusting I felt sorry for the social worker she was truly mortified what a waste of peoples time. I’m seeing my solicitor next week and will definitely be telling her about it and my support worker. That officer has basically undone months of feeling better after years of being called a liar and a fantasist by the ex.

    • #34086
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      She said that it would be fed back and it was ludicrous apparently shes had referrals for a dirty kitchen before too from the same station. I’m just devastated the one thing no one apart from ex has ever said is that i’m paranoid and mentally ill I am so upset by it its the biggest insecurity of mine it really is. I have been under huge pressure for years now we had a period of 6 months where I thought it had calmed down and here we are back again its pulled the rug totally and i’m just so exhausted.

    • #34068
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      The officer actually said to me “I bet you used to be a confident person before all of this..” What a comment to make? (detail removed by Moderator) The first officer wasn’t great who came initially but I rang back very upset when various inquiries proved the length of time someone could have been here and the sent a plain clothes woman who was lovely that (detail removed by Moderator) has ruined all my faith in ten minutes. I’m just so very tired of fighting everyone. I get its “unexplained” but since when does the victim become insane and the most likely guilty get never ending benefit of the doubt?

    • #34067
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      Thanks guys its really knocked me the idea he was in my house was bad enough they told me to report any little thing I do and then this happens. He was pretty rude at the house but reporting me to SS adult and kids? Luckily our SW who has never had any problem with me ever took no notice. Its a small station to be honest i’m quite scared of what the reaction is going to be if I complain. How a High Risk DV victim, subject of a MARAC and with a case proven in court can be paranoid I don’t know… The mental health social worker was amazed I was in one piece after it all let alone a bit nervous she was so sorry but its made me wary now i’ll not be reporting a thing I can’t 100% prove. The joke is by reporting as I did we got the case proven if all had been like him I dread to think where we would be now.

    • #33819
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      There’s no pages I don’t recognize but that doesn’t mean he didn’t just use the open Face book page to request the friends. The choice of downloaded program is a message too. They have been out and were keen enough to record it as ‘unexplained’ but obviously can’t do anything as so many times. Waiting again I guess.

    • #13014
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      Congratulations and good on you for coming so far I can feel you smiling through that post.

    • #12791
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      Thanks all for the words of support it means a lot. I just worry so much that even though the case was proven and even though he refuses to admit any of it and has lied and made a farce out of the court system he can still play these stupid games.
      It’s always me that gets the court officials all over them and has to deal with the stress and worry. If it goes back it will be a section 7 report apparently.
      The best he would ever get would be supervised permanently and he lives hundreds of miles away so is never going to keep it up but he’s allowed to keep doing this. Logic tells me we are fine but I can’t bare him to even breathe near them. I gave up my past and future to come away and protect them, battled through court, won and now this again it’s torment.
      If supervised contact was given and you refuse to comply does anyone know what would happen?

    • #12743
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      It’s shut because they have no problem with me and he’s no contact so they closed it all down it makes no sense how it works but that’s the situation.

      He has no contact with me it’s all through solicitors but that’s enough to cause my melt downs sadly. I think I’m getting better then he pops up again.

      I’m wondering what would happen if I just stop playing the game and refuse point blank to even discuss access or anything else anymore? We went to
      Court and had an awful ordeal over days of being cross examined I’ve proved my point in law no sane person is going to think he’s a help to anyone.

      Thanks so much guys you lot have really helped. I’m going to get the gp to write something out for me to confirm what this is doing to me. I’m the primary carer of small children it’s really unfair.

      He refuses to deal with the financials apparently he can’t afford it although I left with nothing and he’s a portfolio of property and a very good job… He just ignores all contact.

    • #12736
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      We have won in family court too he’s guilty of abuse to kids and me. Very high risk and would never be given unsupervised however he still likes to not leave me alone. They can apparently keep applying as much as they want regardless. It’s Never about the kids no gifts sent other than threats to me it’s insane.

      I have no contact at all he sadly was told where kids are educated by court mess up- don’t ask. So that is a worry we have alarms and panic buttons fitted. Tyres have been let down but police say I drove over the nails.. He’s hired private investigators in the past so can’t have my post here the list goes on..

      Ss said no contact but they shut the case when it went to court so we are stuck in no mans land at the moment.

      Kids don’t know him so it’s insane who would reintroduce that?

      I am wondering about getting a doctors letter about the strain and anxiety I am under incase it does try and go back to court yet again so you think that would hold weight? I had professionals come to court for me before it’s insane this can keep being threatened to restart.

    • #12734
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      I’ve got a solicitor the problem is he sacked his and won’t talk to anyone. My DV worker just says I have to stop obsessing!! Hard not too.
      We do speak on the phone I just feel like we are missing his last time it’s so unfair.

    • #12731
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      He doesn’t even see them and the only indirect contact he had he sent threats it’s just so hard why can’t anyone get these monsters away?
      I should add the proven assaults were on them what is wrong with this system? What does giving me a break down achieve?
      There is nothing currently on going so I’m not breaking the rules but advice would be great.

    • #10012
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      I hear alarm bells too I don’t see a possible reason he would be shouting at you especially knowing how it makes you feel. Abusers aren’t all the same because he is different doesn’t mean he can’t be abusive and this is early days too.

      I would agree to everything and never have an opinion either are you sure you are ready for this?

    • #9877
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      I agree keep well out of it.

      My abuser used to slag off his ex and mother of his other child she was useless a bad parent you name it. Until I was in her shoes I had no idea what I was dealing with.

      To start with we all know that they are charming. If I was you I would block the lot and don’t get involved at all or let him drag you into it.

    • #9876
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      The other end of it is that they try to chuck the thing out so that the victim isn’t ‘upset’ further but then that means that the abuse isn’t acknowledged as being half as bad as it was.

      The system is so badly floored and in favor it seems of giving the benefit of the doubt to men who run campaigns of terror against women and children that they are supposed to love its appalling.

    • #9820
      Sadandconfused
      Participant

      Having been through this too I can also identify there is little or no sympathy at all for victims even with screens, support workers with you and security guards I have been there.

      I think that sadly the judges hear it so much that they become desensitized to it I guess not everyone is telling the truth too when the testify it amazed me how there is no punishment apparently for being caught lying under oath.

      You know you did what was right for you as I do and so many others of us. I just hope its over soon and you can be rid of him.

      Even my solicitor and barrister said the law is wrong but for some reason even now they have brought in these emotional abuse laws nothing seems to be changing.

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