soconfused2

[soconfused2]

Thank you so much for the support. I’m struggling so much. Someone I told about the silent treatment said “Well, you’re divorcing him, what do you expect?” Someone else suggested that it was fair enough because his view is I’m abusive. I’ve also heard that I should be grateful because it’s better than shouting.

But surely it’s not ok. Surely healthy people try their best to be civil for the kids. I don’t mean being best friends, just not ignoring someone completely in front of the kids.

I feel so invalidated. I got advice about an occupation order and basically got told his behaviour wasn’t bad enough. But then Women’s Aid say he’s been emotionally abusive.

This is so hard.

[soconfused2]

I could literally have written your post marmite. It’s messed with my head so much. I’m so tired of being made to feel like a horrible person and so full of self doubt. I don’t have any advice, but perhaps it will help to know you are not alone.

[soconfused2]

Thanks for your reply. I’m having therapy. I’m also trying to socialise more, but finding it hard as have lost touch with some friends and have lost confidence. Will keep trying though. I feel like I am trying everything I can think of, but just not feeling any better. I just want to be happy again…

[soconfused2]

Yes yes yes. Thank you for posting this. It is exactly how I feel. Like hopeforbetter has said too, I feel like I have voluntarily made my life much harder, not just practically (which I can just about cope with) but emotionally. I miss my old life so much. Although there were hard times, there were also good times. Now everything just feels hard. I really hope it gets better.

[soconfused2]

Thank you for the support. I feel like people don’t recognise how hard is to live with emotional abuse sometimes. I just need to make choices that are right for me and my kids. I guess i just want validation and feel let down. Really appreciate the support here though. Thank you.

[soconfused2]

I’m not sure I can help really, but just wanted to say you aren’t alone in feeling like this. It’s exactly how I feel.

Something that helps me sometimes is to remember how much I think you shouldn’t just give up. It remind me that when I made the decision to leave I must have been in a really bad place, as otherwise I wouldn’t have done it.

Not even sure that makes sense, but I hope you feel more sure of yourself soon xx

[soconfused2]

I can’t really say how I found out on here, but he doesn’t appear to be using the fact he’s going to counselling at all. I don’t think anyone else know and I only found out by accident. I just feel so confused.

Maybe the counsellor would say the silent treatment is ok. He has said repeatedly that I’m abusive, so she might just think he’s grey rocking me and that’s ok.

I just feel like I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

[soconfused2]

Thank you so much for your replies. I’m so full of self doubt. They have really helped. I hope you are all doing ok.

[soconfused2]

Thank you all for the support.

I’m finding it all so hard because it’s all so messy. I think I just have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.

I’ve ready so many books on abuse now and it feels like the whole internet but I just can’t seem to get things straight.

Chocolatebar – a friend of mine also suggested my husband’s issue was autism. To be honest that just made me feel really guilty, like I should have done more and tried harder.

[soconfused2]

Thank you all for the support. I’m feeling a bit better today. I feel like (with your support) I’ve managed to pull myself out of the hole where I think I’m awful, it’s all my fault etc, which is what these sorts of things makeme think. Hopefully I’m getting stronger. The divorce is finally progressing so hopefully things will get better.

[soconfused2]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate the support.

(Detail removed by moderator) I feel awful for the children and wish I could have managed everything differently so it hadn’t end up like this.

I just wanted to not be called a bully/selfish/an abuser anymore and not have to deal with weeks of the silent treatment. I didn’t want any of this.

I guess lots of people would think I should be grateful he wants so little to do with me, but it really hurts, especially thinking about the children. Plus its going to be really humiliating in front of everyone (detail removed by moderator)…

[soconfused2]

I get it. Its the first time my kids have been at their dad’s since we separated. I know he was emotionally abusive. I know I needed to leave. I know staying would have set them a bad example. I know all these things. But I miss them so much and I doubting it was worth it. I did most of the parenting when we were together and NOW he’s stepping up. The world seems so cruel sometimes. I hope you are managing to do some nice things for yourself though.

[soconfused2]

Thanks for your reply and hugs. Its really appreciated.
You are completely right that the children are one of the reasons I stayed so long.
The thing is (despite how much he has hurt me and except obviously his treatment of me) he is a good dad and I feel that it is important that they have an opportunity to have an equal relationship with him as with me, so I don’t think the right thing to do for them would be to push anything other than 50/50.
I know its right for them. It just breaks my heart.

[soconfused2]

Thank you. He won’t leave and I don’t wnat to go down the court route because I’m too scared i won’t be believed, he’s accused me of abuse before so i think that is what would happen again. And I don’t want to make things worse. Especially for our children.

I am looking into whether I could leave the house. I would need to find somewhere where I could have the children and need to sort out finances. I need to look into this but i feel like i’m barely functioning so can’t seem to do it.

[soconfused2]

Thanks Bananaboat. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

I guess what I’m struggling with is figuring out if my mind is playing tricks on me. There definitely were good times, but also bad times. So for example (trying to keep this vague) when we last went on holiday there were fun days out with the kids, but there were also periods where I got the silent treatment.

At the moment I feel like the bad times would be worth it for the good times because now I just feel awful all the time.

I will think about what is good to me right now. Thank you for the suggestion.

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