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    • #9832
      Soupy
      Participant

      Good luck gettin out of there, there’s support for you and you know it’s the right thing to do. He only wants what makes his life easier – it sounds like he’s forgotten what it is to love and respect someone and you deserve more x

    • #9813
      Soupy
      Participant

      Hi, I’m new, I wasn’t really sure where to go, I called the Samaritans last week and Al Anon yesterday. My partner has a problem with alcohol and I left last summer when it got too much and had to move back in with my mum, even though I’m far too old for that…

      When she came to help me leave I think she was very shocked to see the bedroom, he had pulled all of my clothes out of the drawers and flung them around the room, sometimes at me.
      It was one of the worst times, he’d been drinking for maybe 4/5 days in a row and he always finds some small detail to get really obsessed about and take me to task over, and this time was because I let him go home on his own after a night out (he’d been thrown out for fighting) and some friends there wouldn’t let me go home with him as he was being very aggressive and banging on windows.
      I stayed at a friends – when I got in he had wrecked the place even more than the previous time. Our dog was hiding and afraid. I was so upset that I couldn’t bring the dog with me.

      Sometimes he would have sex with me while I was sleeping and once – after the worst incident, where he tried to throw me out of the house naked, choked me so that I couldn’t swallow all week, he raped me vaginally and anally while I cried, I felt all used up and broken and I felt so alone.

      Nobody sees this side of him, he always has a reason, once he freaked out because of how I danced with a man, one of my best friends who is gay! he sent me 100s of messages saying I was all kinds of things, while I was babysitting for my sister.

      anyway – I left after one of the worst incidents and he was remorseful after a two day disappearing binge (I presume)>

      He swore off booze and went to counselling and it wasn’t easy but i stayed at my mums, he hated me not being in his house with him but I felt that the only way he could prove he was sorry was without the risk of me being verbally abused.

      I think because everything crept up so slowly is the reason I can think of for not seeing how serious it had become. But also he *can* be the sweetest kindest person like 80/90% of the time. I could tell he was hurt too and I know he’s dealing with a tonne of sh*t from his childhood. When he had proven to me he could go for weeks on end without booze and even when he did have a drink he just had one, then he somehow convinced me to move back in.

      very slowly but surely all the cr*p began, especially after his counselling finished. He said his counsellor was humbled by how well he’d done but he’s so smart and charming I bet he just pulled the wool over her eyes! Mine too – I’ve been more easily able to say, “that is not acceptable behaviour” when he does something but I;ve noticed I’ve been more and more walking on eggshells… even with a close family member dying he has been nasty – even when he hasn’t been drinking. I love his daughter very much and I am just so confused about everything, sometimes he will move mountains for me – other times I’m the cause of all of his woes…

      I stopped drinking in the summer, almost to prove it was nothing to do with my drinking, I’ve never experienced a relationship like this before so maybe it’s why I didn’t see any red flags. Anyway, he disappeared for two days after I refused to drive him to a wine shop (after only a month ago he was only drinking low alcohol beer) and he’s been abusive ever since. It’s made me into a weird version of me too, going crazy with wondering where he is and always being suspicious. I’m so upset – especially after the death in the family, and I have barely enough money to pay rent somewhere – I don’t know what to do.
      Sorry that was so long x

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