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[starchild]

Of course he wont go
had all that said to me
was told he had a private detective following me and checking my bank accounts …Which if the had was a criminal act

Modern mobile phones have a record button …use it (discreetly ) I did. Then sort the necessary orders out with the police solicitor and courts. Unfortunately the removal of legal aid brings fear but am sure that a payment plan as a minimum can be organised.

[starchild]

Mine just saw everything as a competition … but then you would of though he was the expert in my chosen field of work but could not even get a basic job in the field. how dare I be as good as him if not better lol

He always spoke for me

[starchild]

Al Anon are able to offer and 12 step program and also look at Co Dependency within a relationship, however you should never accept a statement that you are the reason why someone drinks to excess

Someone who missuses substances does so because they choose to not because they don’t like what you do or said.

[starchild]

As a partner of someone who misuses substances either drugs or alcohol, you are their carer and able to access carers support.

I have specific knowledge please pm me for more info

[starchild]

Mine went off and did my bucket list and prevented me from joining him or undertaking the activities myself.
The one thing I can do is train at the moment, so that when its sorted I can do the items on my bucket list without him tagging along or undertaking them on my behalf, because Iam spoilt and not worthy or that I’m not clever enough or fit enough ..

Wrong …My time will come 🙂

[starchild]

My experience of Relate was horrendous, an unprofessional Counsellor, who was talking about our session to other team members in the office before I left the building and was visibly embarrassing her colleagues when I went to pay for the session, witnessed all through the reception hatch.
Because my husband was abusive and aggressive and challenged he then went on to constantly call all female counsellors or professional Health and Social care workers ‘Bitch Counsellors’ …(detail removed by moderator).
TBH I have not heard any good thoughts about Relate when it comes to Abuse cases, it is not the best place to go as they are not professionally trained in the same way … They are effectively mediators… and any perpetrator will use that for their own means through their charm school public image.
I hasten to add that my particular local relate had a bad reputation in respect of working with abuse cases locally.

[starchild]

second time I have beenn made redundant in (detail removed by Moderator) ….
yes waiting for like to begin …so frustrated with being trapped still..

the most positive thing with this is that I train as the physical stuff helps the anxiety attacks,, just wish it would end …

[starchild]

well im waiting still

Its Friday and still time for my Friday email after everything has closed down for the weekend and I have to sit with it all until Monday /Tuesday In this case.

Anxiety and shakes high …playing the waiting game … no sleep for the last 2 nights

Also just lost my job austerity cuts

[starchild]

no your not bad …
we have all had and have coping mechanisms in order to manage the difficult times

[starchild]

As soon as my Panic Attacks: get to a point when I start to shake and/have the tight weighty chest pain I put my trainers on and run or hit the gym or I get on my bike.. My Body is looking good, I’m fitter and healthier for that reason and it does kill the symptoms for a while.

I think a marathon would be a bit ambitious (I’m (detail removed by Moderator) this year) but we’ll see where this will take me.

There is one problem, I don’t loose weight …but gain despite an managed diet and exercise because the PTSD causes heightened Cortisol in my body. As soon as I can alleviate the cause of my problem ( my divorce and financial agreement completed and finalized I will no longer have to put up with the endless abusive emails. which are designed to trigger stuff with me…(detail removed by Moderator) yrs of which have not caused me to walk away with nothing yet which is what is wanted …. but I wont lie down and go away.

[starchild]

Sending Hugs

I empathise with you on this one…. my father treated me as if I was a bad daughter, wife and mother.
twice I started to ask for help to leave my ex, and he told me to stop being difficult and go back and be a good wife.

finally my step brother saw me in a state, I told him what was happening and what dad had said before…he spoke to my step mum , who it seemed had seen what had been going on for a while, and even said a couple of things to me, and spoke to my father.

Its only 6 yrs later that my dad has finally got the real picture of what had been going on and that has now stated he was in weekly conversations with my ex through out our marriage and believed every word he said.
and even now he still talks to me and states things like your a drama queen …no coping skills ..etc… I aloud this to happen to me
why didn’t I say earlier …( I did on 3 occasions and was told on one not to ruin Christmas)

Be strong…and sometimes remember that how we may have been socialized may be some of what lies behind how we manage our lives…. that does not make us be at fault but may make us more vulnerable to certain behaviours from others

take care x

[starchild]

I can also support others in respect of there response to you wanting children and the reasons why you havnt had them.

I understand both the personal emotional need for wanting a child and then also the body’s need to reproduce and that innate feelings that must fill you with.

However like the others here sometimes not having children is a blessing, as likewise with the post above, mine have been moulded and managed and manipulated to treat me in a way that is both disrespectful and abusive…. and initiate and follow through the same public putdowns and humiliations.

[starchild]

Firstly I know how stressful not having any money is. I spent a whole year living on 100 pounds a month after paying all mine and my ex husbands bills whilst he dragged the divorce process and purchased new property leaving me responsible for two mortgages. At the time I was undergoing serious medical issues, surgery etc, and not able to work, not get benefits because I had assets over 16k which I could not access. I got an allotment, and chickens grew my food …and also had something that took me outside, and with people, therapy.

And secondly its not just abusers that cut contact with their children, others do it as a coping mechanism, seeing and interacting with their children after a relationship breakdown can bring back memories that trigger pain. eg. my mother was left with custody of three daughters which she fought for on principle we were money tokens, but did not parent, and wanted rid of, as soon as she could, as children kept the marriage together, when it should of ended many yrs previously. She still denys my existence. but im over that …

Also your pregnancy is the abusive ex partner the father? As that will mean the difference between responsibility for 1/2 children. If he is then the court process will help decide and ensure you receive enough child support from him

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I sent you a PM
Your Post is describing similar traits as my situation…yes he wants you homeless …it makes him feel he is right and justified.
Individuals that present with these behaviours often have sociopathic or psychopathic tendancies and have no emotional attachment and thus cannot see the need to support and nurture children or the supporting parent.
It is about control and winning

[starchild]

I am avoiding the Anti Depressants as I have spent too much of my life on them. Id go to the doctor and say this is what is going on …they’d give me Prozac…Seroxat….the last lot Citalopran…. was cause that was what was thought the best way to treat my menopause, as I already had a hormone imbalance and auto immune diagnosis.

No I just see it all as – all I was doing was using them to paper over the cracks of the abuse…at the relevant times in the abusive cycles

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