Starsindarkness

[Starsindarkness]

Hope you get it sorted! I’m changing my son’s name however I got lucky because his father never bothered turning up when I got his birth certificate! I can’t even say my child’s last name it makes me feel physically sick

[Starsindarkness]

I just want to say, you’re not broken, just a little cracked. How you feel and your triggers are normal for what happened to you. If someone even raises there voice at me I have a panic attack it is humiliating considering I had quite thick skin before. My ex emotionally abused me through my child so badly, for me it was the worst kind of abuse. Can you have a middle man that you can communicate through to decide when he sees the children. As when you’re still in contact it’s so much harder. Best wishes x

[Starsindarkness]

Here Here.

I’m (detail removed by Moderator) on and life is actually colorful again. I love the calmness. I used to love to party a little but now there is nothing better than snuggling up with my son in a warm safe home. He can’t get to us anymore 🙂

[Starsindarkness]

Also it gets a lot easier. I’m (detail removed by Moderator) on from leaving and I am gradually getting my life back together. I’m a young single parent and it’s hard but I’m getting there. Every night I put my child to sleep safely is a good day for me. It’s easier atm as he’s in prison and I do know it will be a lot harder for me once he is out again but life is so much brighter and hopeful when you are free. They can’t destroy you, they just think they can. X

[Starsindarkness]

The police told me they wouldn’t pursue the investigation as well. (detail removed by Moderator) later and now he is now in prison because he went on to do it to someone else. I felt a lot of guilt about this but I did all I could. They will not change and they won’t stop until they are behind bars unfortunately. Enjoy your night you deserve it!

[Starsindarkness]

Another thing is now I realize he never looked after me when I was in hospital because he wanted me to get better. He never wanted me to get better, he loved the power he had when I wAs at my most vulnerable he could come and look after me and act the hero to my family whilst constantly abusing me. He would use my mental illness as a way to control me and take what he wanted, because who would ever believe a mentally ill person right? I’m so full of anger

[Starsindarkness]

, it took me a while to see the cycle of abuse too, thank you for the recommendations of who to talk to, i feel like this revelation has just sent me right back to where I was 🙁

Freedom fighter- so sorry to hear you have been through similar. I’m glad you have had the strength to refuse that is a big step when we no longer let them make us give in. Are you still in the situation now? I hope you escape and find your peace soon if you are. I think acknowledging I was badly abused has been the worst step for me so far.

Anabela- your story is similar to mine. At one point it’s not like I didn’t want to have sex with him at all as I still thought I loved him it’s that he made me so it even when I didn’t want to. But because at that time he was my partner and it’s not like I was repulsed by him it’s like it wasn’t abuse. Even though it was because I did not want it and said NO.

I agree that when I was in hospital and drowsy from sleep medication I was in no situation to stop him as I didn’t have the energy to push him away or anything as I was sleep deprived and on sleeping tablets that made me extremely drowsy before I went to bed.

It’s just sickening to think he also abused me this way. I can deal with the punches, the constantly being made to feel worthless but he took away my choice and free will to say no and that I don’t think I will ever get over 🙁

[Starsindarkness]

Thank you both for your reply. I never let myself think of it like that as the thought made me feel physically sick. I don’t know how to start to deal with this area of the abuse. I’m starting to come to terms with the rest of it and feel a bit better about myself but this has just been a major set back for me 🙁 sorry to hear you have been through something similar maddog, I kind of feel like now I’ve acknowledged this was abuse and possibly rape I wish I hadn’t let myself think about it 🙁 can’t eat can’t sleep

[Starsindarkness]

Hi Starmoon, I think that you should look at is as a positive that you was able to go on a date. That is a great step to moving on. I wish I had your strength. Men in general just scare me now even though I know they are not all bad apples. I feel like my illusion of love has been shattered! If you feel like your ready keep going on a few dates it will do you good. I am the same with zero confidence but that’s what they wanted and we’ve got to start building ourselves up. Maybe have a pamper day? It was him that was the problem. They might look happy for now but people don’t change and he will probably do the same to her eventually unfortunately. Keep your chin up x

[Starsindarkness]

& I have definitely had that epiphany! I will sort anything out as long as me and my son are healthy and safe nothing else has the merit to make me upset after what I’ve been through

[Starsindarkness]

Ahh this is me. I didn’t used to be like this but now I just have no patience for people’s little problems in life. I don’t want to be like this but I can’t help it. Probably because it’s still early days of getting out for me. I’m just so bitter. People go on and on about these trivial problems and I just sit there like i blooming wish they was the biggest of my problems. Like my sister accidentally burst her car tyre the other week and just like burst out crying and was going on and on. I literally lost my head I was like that is a car it can be sorted in like a day. My ex trashed my car and caused thousands pounds worth of damage and I didn’t even shed a tear at that because that hurt the least out of all the things he had done to me. I hate being like this but I can’t help it, hopefully it will get better as I start to move on and feel happier in myself. You’re not alone don’t worry I am the same x

[Starsindarkness]

& lady Gaga til it happens to you

[Starsindarkness]

Sara Evans- a little bit stronger.

So relatable to me, makes me feel like it’s ok to get just that little bit stronger each day, doesn’t have to happen straight away.

Also Lee Brice- That don’t sound like you.

[Starsindarkness]

Thanks White Rose. that is the exact same as me my door has a frosted window, when the door knocks and I’m not expecting anyone I never answer it, i just stay so still until i hear them going away. I don’t even like going into the back garden as in the past I’ve been washing pots in the kitchen looked up and he’s been there in my back garden. Don’t want to live in fear anymore, its not a life

[Starsindarkness]

No he doesn’t, well there is no order in place but he has stayed away for the last few months but I just can’t seem to believe he’s gone, keep waiting to see him at my door or around where I live. Im scared every time I drop my son off at nursery or at a family members because Im so scared he’s going to get to him. Its just still a process I’m going through even though I’m no longer in a relationship with him scars take a long time to heel and I guess I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

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