Stay or leave

[Stay or leave]

It must have been awful to have an ex and family like that. I can’t begin to describe how disgusting his father is towards women I don’t think you would believe me. They both choose to abuse and your right it is a choice but they are not nice to anyone. They think the world is all based around them. Both have a problem with authority and have addictions. The part I struggle the most with is the cycle of abuse and moving of goal posts. Nothing is ever enough. What I do or give he always finds a reason to be nasty to me. Put me down and he knows my anxiety is worse around people so he does it more then. He often shouts at people in the street and starts arguments and I get scared they will think I am involved or even to the point they might attack me! He has no concern for anyone in the family it is all a show.

[Stay or leave]

I can’t get a single tear out. I am extremely upset, he is emotionally draining. His demands are too much. He wants me in the house where in his opinion women belong. He and his familt expects me to cook, clean, work, look after his every need. I am not allowed on the phone in his presence or he starts on me. He thinks he is a god and I am at his demand. I am spoken to unkindly. His grown up children asks me to stand up to him. I am just so weak. His father is exactly the same to his mother. It is “normal” to him.

[Stay or leave]

Thanks. I have family and friends to support me too.

[Stay or leave]

I am not ready to go to the police. I feel trapped by him in my own home even though I am free to leave. He puts no restrictions on my movements. I could go for months he wouldn’t care. He only cares about him. I know this can’t go on forever and one day it will all be over. I am exhausted but living my own separate life in my own way. I try to act as though he doesn’t exist. If I meet new people/ friends I never reveal my terrible situation. I have an extra weight on my mind keeping me stuck here. One of the children wants to stay local and even suggested living with him after hearing me threatening to move and leave the family home. I try to put being homeless out of my head. He should be the one going homeless not me I have done nothing wrong.

[Stay or leave]

It is a battle with him. I leave the family home for periods of time just to get away from him. I shouldn’t have to its my home. He is a drug addict. I never see him doing it but know he is and he admits he is. If I suggest he leaves to his face he gets angry. Slams doors and shouts at me telling me to leave. I keep looking for somewhere to go but nothing in the area is affordable. I am clearing the house ready to move. So when i do go it will be easier. I have no motivation to do anything. To stop stressing i am trying to focus on my wellbeing.

[Stay or leave]

Thank you Lisa.
I have had a look at supportline
I might call them if I can get privacy. I have to get away. My long term plan feels long. I need to leave for many reasons. I feel like a failure. Guilt
For staying. Fear of guilt for leaving and breaking us up.
Unreasonal behaviour is my reason for going. Drug addiction is unreasonal behaviour. I question myself why I am hiding his secret. Those who know ask me why I am allowing myself to be around this.
Mentally I feel drained from past events

[Stay or leave]

I was not allowed to use (removed by moderator) on fast. Not allowed to cook food in a certain way. Not allowed to hoover or put the washing machine or dryer on at certain times.

[Stay or leave]

In terms of leaving the family home. I have a list in my mind of the many things I need to do.
I am clearing the house out of junk that will not be going with me. I am making sure I have enough suitcases to pack and transport clothing. I am researching housing. I am making sure we can afford to move. It is all overwhelming. Finding suitable housing is not easy.
I don’t know what else to do.

[Stay or leave]

Egg shells – I am getting financial plans in place to go. I am clearing out stuff I dont need so when I do go it will be quick with essentials only.

[Stay or leave]

Also I have been ‘letting him get away with treating me badly’
Because I have no choice. I got him to leave once and he came back every day just to show me he could.

[Stay or leave]

I don’t want to allow this mess to damage my children but staying or having a break up is going to. No win situatuon. I need out.
The family who helped me has moved away and into elderly accomodation. I will never be parted with the reluctant child
I know the child is best with me and will do all I can to keep them. I feel ashamed of his drug addiction and I don’t know why. I think those who know and who I have confided in are judgmental. They ask my why I put up with it. I have no answer. I know it is wrong.
I don’t know what to say. It started off as a social habit for him and now (time) later he can’t go without one type of drug daily and another type occasionally. Most of his family including his parents regularly use drugs. The drugs are not an excuse for the nasty behaviour.
My children have never met/ have no contact with any of his family.
The mood swings that come with when he has or hasn’t got drugs is torture for me. Nattering me for money.
He is in the best mood one minute the next he is nasty. Really unpredictable. I get nervous and feel anxious in relation to his mood. Often I give in for peace. I dont like to argue. I can’t be bothered. My friend says to me if I go there: Have you come round to get away from him? Acknowledging often that I need a break.

[Stay or leave]

To outsiders I have a really good job, a lovely home and family. They don’t know the truth of my miserable life. No one can see the pain I am hiding. In my work life I can’t be seen to be weak or bullied. I stand up for others but can’t stand up for myself. I am loved by family and friends. I don’t need his fake love but I strangely feel scared of losing it. I can’t imagine him with anyone else he has always been with me. He sold his wedding ring. I knew it was over from then. I just need to accept it.

[Stay or leave]

Thank you all for advice. I am watching the Dr Ramani videos. I feel totally bullied by him. I am doing less and less for him. I am not his mother. He is an addict. Addicted to drugs. That is his problem not mine. He says he will change but never does. He just tries to hide it better. It is like a cycle all happy families all a front. I am putting plans in place. Things get in the way but I know this weird life cant carry on. I have to be strong enough for my children. I know one of them will want to stay with him and I cant let go of that child. He leads a normal life to outsiders but I know the truth. My family and closest friends know how unhappy I am. They tell me to walk away. He even borrows money off one of my vulnerable relatives. He knows that relative is too weak to say no.
I don’t want to be homeless I have been there before. He got us evicted due to his behaviour. I was left homeless and it took a long time to get settled again. I had good family who took me in
They could see bad in him and wasn’t comfortable with him around. He had a really bad childhood. I dont want my children to have the same.

[Stay or leave]

I am going to try this promising act and telling him what he wants to hear. I once did mention a trial separation and his facial expression changed. He started being nice then turned nasty saying once Its over its over. I was thinking its already over ! But kept this to myself. I am tired of this its so draining. I am telling myself I am getting closer to freedom. Away from him. Thats keeping me going. He is acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world!

[Stay or leave]

I am going to consider doing this but it wont be no trial. Once hes gone hes gone for good. Last time he left on his own accord but still had a key and came back every day. His excuse was he needed things. This went on for a long time. I got counselling and was coping well at the time. Then he got back in my head and worked his way back. He turned nice again. It didn’t last. Within a period of time he was agressive and I was back to the start. I had him and his mood swings to deal with and him using drugs mostly in secret. His addiction got worse I became depressed not knowing how to escape this. I woke up again recently. I realised I need out and this time it has to be for good. I plan on going no contact once hes gone.

[Author]

Posts