Sunshine

[Sunshine]

Hi,
Just want to say hello and i hope things get better for you. No one will understand a abused girlfriend (really) Am with a totally different man and I have no idea why at times he stays with me. I at times give him no affection because i feel emotionally dead. It’s a hard hard thing to explain, even our own heads can’t get round it so how can anyone else? I 99% of the time don’t want cuddled or kissed. Nothing. Not because i don’t like him its because i don’t want it.

[Sunshine]

Mine used to tell me to collect money. I would go to his door step to find a ripped up £5 note or once he gave me some money but a polly bag with £30 of 10p and 20p all shiny clean. So he had obviously changed the money to coins deliberately… and inside a dog biscuit… they are abusers and don’t care about there children’s welfare. There trait is too not pay as they think it benefits us its disgusting. Sorry I can’t be more positive for you. I really hope your situation improves and you get what your child needs. Xx

[Sunshine]

My kept evidence has kept my daughter safe and got me a non harass order. I printed everything got him charged and the shierff granted him not a single more hour contact. So important to keep everything and especially text messages.

[Sunshine]

Hi Aria,

Well done leaving him. Keep your strength up and never return. They will use any excuse in the book too make you return. It will never be a normal relationship. My advice with your child is seek legal advice asap whether it is free advice from Rights of Women or contact your local women aid. There help is invaluble and they will help you in every way. I am still trying to keep my child safe and belive you me it is extremely difficult with current laws… but the law is changing and you have concrete evidence of domestic abuse so you stick with that and stay strong. In my own personal experience my ex husband used his access to then go on to emotionally abuse my child during contact. Your mother a whore a slut etc it is unbelievable what these men are capable of.. seek help and do don’t waste time. X

[Sunshine]

I have had supervised contact for nearly (detail removed by moderator) His mother and father supervised it.
It has not went to plan but for the sake of my daughter I thought being in her grannies house was better than a contact centre. I tried and Persued a drug test through my lawyer, I was told it was human right too not be tested, however, it would look bad if a sheriff seen this. For that reason I haven’t managed to get that test. Drink is a issue and lucky for me my daughter who is (detail removed by moderator) can tell me if he drinks. He is violent with a drink and if he stays sober potentially she will be ok. So I use this tactic 100%. As I know he will fail. If in my experience and history has taught me anything drink drugs abuse and violence are combined and we are forced contact our children will without a doubt suffer and that is why I am fighting tooth and nail at present to ensure my daughter stays with every night. X

[Sunshine]

Hi Angne,
I am potentially going to be in this situ (Detail removed by Moderator). I have been told I will be in the same room as him. He has a non harresment order out so can’t come anywhere near me but (Detail removed by Moderator) I will have to sit beside him and fight for my child. I am also worried I will break down and cry and not be able to hold myself properly. I feel I am now damaged and I did truely love him! I haven’t spoke or seen him since (Detail removed by Moderator). (Detail removed by Moderator) I didn’t need to face him…. now I do and for the most important thing in my life. The system is sooo Very wrong and fathers rights are put before the child. (Detail removed by Moderator) and am no further forward my ex has a drink|drug problem and is crazy when he loses it and still am being (Detail removed by Moderator) because his mother and father are funding it! This system is putting children at risk! You are soo right.
Sunshine x

[Sunshine]

Hi,
I haven’t posted in a while for personal reasons. Contact for my girl started for a long time not great but I managed similar to you trying to keep low contact but best inrest of the child. Whole thing blow up and it is too much to go into but now everything is done through lawyers. He was so unreasonable and further abused me in every single way and using contact that I had no choice. A reasonable caring father who wants to see there child I think will always try and work with the mother. Just be careful I trusted him and wanted them to have a relationship toooo much. (detail removed by moderator) the facts speak for them self. And not my facts. The agencies who have been involved, that’s what matters. Keeping your child/children safe at all
Times xx

[Sunshine]

Excuse the typo. My iPhone doesn’t let me see full paragraphs that’s I send. I found it harrowing to watch and think….

[Sunshine]

Red fox,

I can relate to this… Although I ultimately left my husband because of my daughter our dog  was also my worry. When my ex husband was drunk and abusive the dog would actually leave the downstairs and take himself upstairs. I can understand the pain you share with your pets and how they help you. Hopefully you can find a understanding landlord or social housing who maybe if you tell them your story will sympathise.

It’s a long road but good luck stay strong xxx

[Sunshine]

Itwillbeok, I too like others have went through this. The suicide threats the crying the promise to do anything. I felt so sad and guilty and I loved him very much too but i knew in my heart he wouldn’t change and the relationship couldn’t recover. I also had a wee girl with him through ivf and he also has drink/drug problem and depression. To cut a long story short when he realised he wasn’t getting me back things go way out of hand. The abusive texts the climbing up my gutters to try and entry our house the list goes on. Now all I hear he dates everything or anything on Tinder and I had to get a non harrasment order out and get him charged. What I think we are all trying to say is be careful and stay safe. He may well be different but he may well not be and follow this pattern. It’s a hard slog but stand for what you right now think is right. Don’t go back over guilt as that’s not a foundation for a relationship to be happy xx

[Sunshine]

Hi All,
I think it’s great we are managing to rediscover what we once loved (something for us) although mine isn’t a hobby. I love the fact I can now buy and have nice items around my home that wouldn’t be smashed. Whether it’s a photo frame or vase my house is finally filling up with items that mean something to me 🙂

[Sunshine]

The system is so wrong. Social work don’t get involved in contact issues but to me our children need our help. It’s a very sad situ

[Sunshine]

Hi all,
I have just today stopped contact with the father of my daughter and her. (detail removed by Moderator) was the 1st day of non-supervised contact. He didn’t collect her as what was agreed him mother picked her up then dropped my daughter to his flat. To my disgust the day went by him having no electricity in his flat, him sleeping on the couch while my daughter played by herself. I am heavily involved in lawyers and my women aid worker supports me but I am really scared if this goes to court he would potentially end up with residential access. (detail removed by Moderator) I’ve asked for a drugs test too as he has obviously been on a drink and drug bender. I am so scrunnered…. (detail removed by Moderator) Xxx

[Sunshine]

I also feel the same! Mine has a non harrassment order only recently granted in the last few months. I don’t know if now am trying to get over him but I think about him every day. I’ve even had dreams about him which is strange because when I first got out I would wake in a panic thinking he was in the house now it’s switchwd to nice dreams. I can’t also make sense of it. Am on anti depression tables to cope, I want to get ofoff them though but find it a struggle.
It’s crazy why we can’t get over men who have abused us. I wish I had the answer but I don’t. And am in a new relationship with a guy who is the exact opposite in every way but I still can’t get over my ex husband 🙁

[Sunshine]

Go green light,
I can’t imagine what that must of felt like for you. That is truely awful and to have to have contact over your children must be a total nightmare. Hope you manage to raise above him and stay strong.
Mad dog,
Fingers crossed you manage to get the result over the house you need and find peace! They only bring us down and life is hard enough without it xx

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